


Destiny

by silversolitaire



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Casual Sex, First Time, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Military Academy, Mistaken Identity, Mystery, Pre-TFA, Romance, Smoking, Swearing, Swordfighting, Undercover, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:57:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 51,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversolitaire/pseuds/silversolitaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the orders of his Master, young Kylo Ren infiltrates a First Order academy. There, he finds out more than he bargained for and he makes the acquaintance of a certain red-haired cadet that changes his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pkabyssinian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pkabyssinian/gifts).



> I've already written a lot of this story, so there's a nice buffer for regular updates. I've started this story as part of the Kylux Fic Exchange May 2016, but soon realized that this was growing to be much longer than the allotted time I had. So I wrote an emergency fic instead and continued working on this. With the pressure of the deadline dropping away, I find myself slacking off again. I can't let that happen, so here you go X3. If you liked this, go ahead and bug me. I need the pressure.
> 
> This story is dedicated to pkabyssinian whose first prompt inspired this. I've veered away a bit from the original prompt, but for the sake of avoiding spoilers, I'm only going to post it all the way down here. Feel free to ignore it:
> 
> "Kylo Ren has just one job - assassinate Hux. He may or may not succeed."

On his first day at Driswen Academy, the weather was uncharacteristically sunny for this planet and season. The ever-present layer of clouds that usually cocooned everything in the red tinge of the atmosphere had given way to the planet's twin suns which now dipped everything in an orange-golden glow. It was almost picturesque, the way the two orbs reflected off the many windows of the sprawling mansion-like building in the early morning hours.

But Kylo Ren had no appreciation for such things. He tugged at the collar of his uniform, the unfamiliar stiffness around his throat already annoying him. Remembering his instructions, he stood perfectly still for a moment, centering himself in the present as he took a deep, cleansing breath. This wasn't the time for emotional outbursts. He had a job to do.

With long, confident strides that he didn't fully feel, he crossed the vast and empty court yard and walked towards the large double doors of the main entrance. As soon as he pushed them open, the momentary serenity he’d achieved evaporated and he found himself in the center of utter chaos. Young people were pooling around in various areas, walking, bumping in each other, chatting and laughing. They all wore uniforms identical to his.

For a moment, Ren was taken aback by it. The sudden ambush of so many different minds was terrifying and utterly foreign. He'd spent the past years in almost complete isolation, away from any other thoughts apart from his own and Master Snoke's, to a point that he hadn't been sure anymore which one had been his. Now he felt entirely unprepared to filter out his own thoughts from those of the people around him.

_I haven't finished my assignment for advanced biomechanics. What am I going to do? Partahk Grahil said that next week we're going to start on Volume II of Military Tactics and I haven’t even finished the first. I wonder what’s for lunch today… I hope it’s not energy pudding again. That stuff’s vile. I'm really not ready yet. I've studied in the library until ten o'clock. What if we're really going to write this surprise test? Theory week is the worst. I just want to be back on the training grounds. I'm suffocating. Everyone is crowding me. I wish I could just shout and make them stop…_

"Shut up! All of you!"

Kylo Ren's voice echoed through the main hall that seemed as if someone had suddenly thrown the switch and all sound had been turned off at once. Everyone had stopped talking and was now looking at him in a mixture of bewilderment and sadistic amusement. Then the buzz picked up again.

_What's wrong with him? I've never seen his face before. Looks like a lightweight. Must be one of those late sign-ups. Well, great, more competition. Look at how young and scrawny he looks, I bet I can beat him. They're really admitting anyone these days, even straggly street rats like that… I bet he doesn't even know how to read. I'm betting 10 credits that he's another son of some bigshot officers who cheated his way past the entry exams. I hope I won’t be sharing quarters with him._

All his efforts to compose and ground himself had flown right out of the window and Ren was annoyed at himself and at every single person in this room. For a weak, panicked moment he already felt like a failure, as if he was unable to complete even the smallest assignment given to him that expanded beyond the protective cocoon of Snoke's citadel.

Ren flexed his gloved hand, a current of energy sizzling across his skin. He fisted his hand. Not now.

"You must be Kylo Ren," a voice pierced through the wall of sound.

As nonchalantly as possible, Ren turned towards the voice. A young cadet – not much older than himself – stood there, an easy smile on his face. When Ren didn't reply, the cadet supplied, "I'm Brent Hansol." Then he leaned in and said in a conspiratorial voice, "No relation."

"What?" Ren replied, too dumbstruck to hold up any pretense of civility.

The cheeky smile on the other man's face slipped a little. "You know… Hansol… Han Solo, famous smuggler…”

"I know who Han Solo is," Ren replied testily.

"People just typically assume that I might be his son, but…" Brent shrugged. "Never mind. I'm not really good at this. Let's start over. Senior Cadet Brent Hansol." He thrust out his hand and Ren stared at it in bewilderment. When he didn't shake it, Brent cleared his throat awkwardly and pulled it back. "Since you didn't correct me earlier, I'm still going to assume you're the new transfer Kylo Ren and I was asked by Commandant Rhakis to show you around."

"I see," Ren mumbled, still feeling overwhelmed by all the social interaction. Why had he been so overly confident about himself, thinking he could just slip back on the mask of civility and act as if he hadn't spent the past five years in total seclusion? He felt like he was sticking out like a sore thumb and everyone could see it.

Much to his horror, Brent leaned into him once again and said in a hushed voice, "Don't worry, I know Driswen can be intimidating. I felt like turning on my heels the first day myself."

"You did?" Ren said blankly.

"Yes. I know how it feels. But this is why I'm here, okay? So, relax."

It took Ren a moment to realize that this was genuine kindness. It felt so strange and unfamiliar. "Thank you," he said, sincerely, and finally offered Brent his hand.

Brent took it with a wide smile and shook it. The brief contact left Ren's hand tingling past the leather of his gloves. He followed Brent reluctantly when he started moving down a corridor, away from the busy crowd.

"So, what's your story?"

"What?" Ren said again, starting to feel annoyed again at himself for being such a bumbling idiot.

"Well, obviously you must have some kind of good story to be allowed late registration. Considering the long waiting list and harsh competition..." Brent trailed off with a vague motion of his hand.

"Oh, right." To his great relief, Ren felt himself slowly regaining his composure as they left the busy entry hall behind them and with them the conglomerate of sounds, thoughts and emotions.

His carefully devised plan came back to him and he started telling the cover story his master had deemed most ideal for this kind of assignment. Stay as close to the truth as you can to sound most sincere, his master had instructed. “I completed basic training with my uncle who was kind of a big deal. Then we were attacked and most of my squad was wiped out, so we moved on to the Outer Rim where I completed junior year. But when it was no longer safe for us there either, we fled to the Unknown Regions. My mother is an important general and she made sure I could continue my studies at the best academy here, so she pulled some strings."

"Ah," Brent said. Ren poked into his mind and could read that the story made sense to the other cadet, except for one thing…

"I'm not wearing my family name, because nobody is supposed to know about this," Ren offered as an explanation. "Favoritism doesn’t sit well with the other recruits and I just want to be left alone."

Brent's cheeks took on a slight tinge of pink. "Everyone has their secrets." A quick check in Brent's mind confirmed that Brent had no secrets whatsoever. Ren found that rather refreshing.

"So, the Unknown Regions," Brent picked up their conversation again. "I've heard some pretty rough stories about it. Are they true?"

"I'm not really interested in talking about the Unknown Regions," Ren said gruffly, tired of constantly needing to come up with new details to his cover-up. He hadn't anticipated it to be quite so exhausting. A sudden idea made him stop in his tracks. "I'm telling you many interesting stories about whatever you are interested in which all confirm what you've heard before," he said as he looked at Brent intently who'd half turned to him when he had felt him stop.

"What are you…?" Brent said, but trailed off when Ren placed the memories into the other man's mind with a wave of his hand. He watched as Brent's eyes glazed over briefly before they refocused again and filled with delight. "Seriously? That's what they did with the freshmen? Guess I should count myself lucky," he called out and slapped Ren on his arm.

Instinctively, Ren's body wanted to react to this physical assault, but the connection to Brent was still open and he could sense that it was meant as a gesture of friendship. Very strange. For some reason, the perceived act of sharing indiscreet tales had forged some kind of connection between the two of them and Brent now felt more familiar with him. Ren stored this information away for later.

"Okay, we're really running out of time," Brent said with another chuckle as he checked the chronometer on his wrist. "Let me just show you the most important places for now and I'll give you a proper tour of the premises during lunch break."

 

**************************************

 

They spent the next half-hour walking around campus, with Brent rattling off information about the most important rules, interspersed with stops at various locations which he deemed important for a new arrival.

After a quick stop at the Commandant's office, Ren had been provided with a curriculum, information about housing and a datapad filled with endless files of required reading, most importantly a so-called "Code of Conduct" on which he'd be quizzed later. Ren wasn't concerned, since he fully intended on picking the necessary information out of people's minds when necessary.

Fifteen minutes later, the next period began and Ren was expected to attend. A quick glance at the curriculum told him that it was "Imperial History IV", so Ren sauntered to the indicated room, relieved to be left to his own devices again. He'd started tolerating Brent near the end of their tour, but the constant need for social interaction and being on guard had left him drained. He very much felt in need of withdrawing to his chambers and immersing himself in deep meditation, but he had a feeling that this would be something denied to him for quite a while.

When he entered the lecture hall, he immediately felt the attention of the majority of students shift towards him. He clamped down hard on the onslaught of thoughts, blocking them from his mind like he used to do in a different lifetime as he slipped into a row of seats at the back of the room. Still, the attention seemed to bear down on him physically, making his fingers itch with the need to destroy something. He raised his eyes, issuing an open challenge to everyone looking at him, seeing with satisfaction as one by one the looks averted. He released a shuddering breath.

_I hate it here. Why am I being forced to sit through this. I doubt anyone in this miserable place can teach me anything worthwhile or I don't already know._

Ren froze. He’d thought they had been his thoughts, but then he realized he'd caught someone else's and somehow they said exactly what he'd been thinking. His head shot up and he craned his neck, trying to find out the source of these thoughts, but all he saw were identical uniform-clad backs.

The large doors at the back of the lecture hall swung open and a high-ranking officer strode in, followed by two cadets holding his datapad, some holorecords and various old-fashioned books and maps. Everyone in the room immediately stopped talking and stood to attention, rising from their seats to salute. Ren scrambled to his feet as well and tried to copy the others best he could. He congratulated himself for his foresight of slipping into the back of the class, since needing to come up for an explanation for his lack of basic understanding for military conduct would have been a pain.

_Mental note: pull this information from the minds of other cadets at earliest convenience._

 

**************************************

 

Three and a half hours later, Ren staggered out of another lecture hall. He felt mentally exhausted. He couldn't remember when he'd last been confronted with this much information in so little time and his head was swimming from it. Slicing stealthy glances around, he could tell that nobody else felt this way. They seemed in happy spirits as they walked towards the mess hall in groups, chatting. Lunchtime.

With a dark frown, Ren stowed away his datapad in his bag and slung it over his shoulder. Then he consulted the map to see where the mess hall was situated.

_The mere thought of food is making me sick. I just want to be alone._

Once again he felt his own thoughts resonate from someone else, as if they had been intercepted by a surveillance device and received a signal boost. Ren looked around to locate the source of these thoughts, but it proved futile once more. Perhaps he'd have a better chance at the mess hall where everyone would be gathered. With renewed energy, Ren followed the crowd.

As soon as he entered the mess hall though, he realized his error. Instead of being able to single out the source, he was again overwhelmed by the white noise of hundreds of people thinking and talking, all at the same time. Ren was tempted to turn on his heels and flee, but found himself face to face with Brent all of a sudden and three unfamiliar faces.

"Ren, there you are," he called out cheerfully. "Guys, this is our new roommate, Kylo Ren." He nodded towards the three strangers behind him. "Ren, these are Viniz'evron'claso, Zevron for short, Seg Rhekko and Kolt Jaigon." Kolt was the only human in this group. The one introduced as Zevron was a Chiss, easily recognizable by the jet black hair, blue skin and red glowing eyes. Seg was the first Nautolan Ren had ever encountered in person. His green skin had the typical sheen of amphibian lifeforms and the black orbs he had for eyes gave no indication towards what he was thinking. Kolt seemed like a run-of-the-mill cadet with no distinguishing features, his face round and slightly pudgy, his hair an indistinguishable shade of brown. None of them looked particularly friendly to Ren.

He felt at a total loss regarding the proper etiquette in this situation. The years he'd spent with his family felt so far away now, a memory almost impossible to tap into now. It seemed now that his life had only consisted of training at the Jedi Temple and later at Snoke's citadel, and neither had required specific decorum or social skills.

He desperately longed for his master's advice, but at the same time he knew he couldn't request it since then he would need to admit that he had overestimated his abilities and failed yet another test of his skills. No, he was going to endure this for as long as it took and he was glad that his master wasn't there to witness his bumbling. As if it mattered. Most likely he'd picked the truth from his mind like a ripe cherry and was now enjoying Ren's discomfort from afar.

Suddenly it occurred to him that he'd taken way too long to react and now everyone thought he was strange. He couldn't bring himself to feel any remorse over this. He simply nodded.

"Right," Brent said, radiating the discomfort in his stead. "We'll have plenty of time to get to know each other later, I suppose. Why don't you guys go ahead and grab lunch while I continue showing Ren around?"

After his roommates had left, Brent turned towards him. "Want to grab a bite first?"

Ren looked at the trays carried past him, full of undefinable and unenticing food, and he shook his head. "Actually, I'm not hungry. You can go ahead and show me the rest."

The disappointment was clear on Brent's face, even for someone who wasn't in tune with the Force. Apparently, the other cadet enjoyed eating, despite his trim figure. Ren didn't really care.

 

**************************************

 

The rest of the tour took up most of the remainder of lunchtime, but by the end Ren knew where most places were, including the auditorium, the holo battle deck, the sparring arena and the living quarters where he'd return to after the end of today's classes to move into his quarters. Somehow their tour had always taken them past one of those mobile food droids that were scattered all across campus. Apparently cadets were always hungry.

Each time, Brent explained to him how to use his student identification batch to charge the required credits to his personal account, retrieving a pack of ready-made snacks in the process. By the time they parted to return to their respective classes, Brent was carrying three bags of those and looked quite content.

After consulting his schedule, Ren decided that he simply couldn't be bothered to sit through another endless lecture on "Theory of Combat", so he decided to explore the campus ground instead. After all, collecting intel was more important than keeping up the pretense of being a legitimate officer in training. He was confident that he could fake his way out of any uncomfortable situation.

He exited the main building through a side entrance that led to a large garden. The twin suns had struggled through the thick layer of clouds and bathed the exotic flowers in a dazzling array of colors. Maybe Ren would have been impressed, if he had any sense for this sort of thing. Instead he felt annoyed and even somewhat inconvenienced by the light stinging his eyes. He'd clearly spent too much time inside the citadel.

He rounded a corner and found himself looking out at a large lake. How disgustingly idyllic, he thought.

_This day can't end soon enough._

Ren halted abruptly. This hadn't been his thought. Or rather, it had been, but it had bounced off someone else again. And this someone wasn't too far away. Energized by this thought, Ren started searching, probing with the Force. As he drew closer, he felt the annoyance wafting over to him like a gentle breeze. When he entered the small rose garden, he was struck by a scene of startling beauty.

A young cadet stood leaning against the tall pillar of a weather-worn stone bench, one booted foot resting against the seat in casual negligence. His back was turned to Ren, but he could tell the delicate, small frame of the other man who was nearly as tall as he was. As if on cue, the leafy roof above their heads shifted and a golden ray of sun illuminated the other man's copper hair.

Even though Ren would have loved to suspend the moment in time and just admire it for a little bit longer, the other man still detected his presence and slowly turned towards him and time really ground to a halt He wasn’t even able to put in word what exactly it was that rattled him so. Maybe it was the measured coldness of the steel blue eyes, the blatant displeasure he didn’t bother to hide, the fine-boned features or simply the sense of having found a missing piece to a puzzle. Either way, Ren was unable to do anything.

Instead of saying anything, the other man put a cigarette to his lips and took a long, final draw from it before flicking the butt away. He released the smoke in a curly trail through his nostrils before removing his boot from the bench and turning fully towards Ren. In a defiant gesture, he clasped his hands over his elbows. "You’re late," he said testily.

Ren didn't reply. Instead he realized with relief that his muscles worked again, and he walked a wide circle around the other man, assessing him like he would an opponent. Unlike with an opponent however, Ren found himself pulling his head in, as if to reduce the size of his tall frame. He wasn't really sure why.

"Well?" the other man asked with barely contained impatience. When Ren still didn't answer, he snapped, "Listen, I didn't come here to get gawked at."

"Where do you usually go for that?" Ren asked sincerely.

The other man stared at him for a moment, dumbstruck, then he relaxed visibly and laughed softly. “All right then, have it your way,” he murmured as he walked slowly towards Ren.

Ren’s body tensed immediately, somehow expecting an attack. But instead, he was dragged up by the lapels of his uniform and pulled towards the other man. Before he could ask about the meaning of this, his mouth was crushed against the other one’s in a punishing kiss and his world spun out of control.

He’d never felt anything like this before. The contact was both rough and tender, alarmingly unreal and strangely familiar, and altogether intoxicating. He couldn’t recall when he’d last felt anyone this close, if ever. He could feel the heat radiating off the other man’s body, could feel the smooth skin move over his own. He was overwhelmed by tastes and scents and sensations and it was mind-blowing.

Something told him that it wasn’t right, that he shouldn’t be feeling like this, like his frail grip on his control could slip at any moment. This had to be wrong. No one should have this kind of power over him, and no stranger above all people. But at the same time he found himself wanting more.

He stepped closer and instinctively wrapped his arms around the other man’s slender body, drawing him into the embrace further. He reached up and took a fistful of amber hair and used his grasp to turn the other head ever so slightly, improving the angle of their contact. He heard the grunt of approval and realized he’d done right. The thought was oddly exhilarating.

With a sigh, he used his tongue to explore the other one’s mouth. He could feel the softness of his full lips, the smooth surface of his teeth which gave way and granted him access to a tongue with equal curiosity as is own. He stroked against it and felt like his chest would burst from the thudding of his heart.

Almost reluctantly he pulled away. He looked down at the other man’s face. His eyes were half closed, his pale cheeks flush with excitement. His lips were glistening softly from their kissing. Involuntarily, Ren brought up his gloved thumb and rubbed it across the place he’d kissed so thoroughly just a moment ago.

The other man gave a low growl and moved his head, catching his thumb with his teeth. It was more surprising than painful, but Ren gasped nonetheless.

“Let’s go ahead, we haven’t got all day,” the red-haired man murmured, his voice thick with arousal.

Ren swallowed thickly and nodded, “Okay…”, not really sure what he was agreeing to.

A wicked smile appeared on the other man’s face and he was pushed back against the pillar, the rough surface scraping against the fabric of his uniform. For a moment, Ren wasn’t sure if this was cause for alarm, but then everything went blank when nimble hands wandered across his chest, slipped past the collar of his jacket, found purchase and pulled his shirt out of his waistband. The touch of cool fingers on his heated skin was electrifying and Ren raised his face to the sky in a silent plea. For what, he wasn’t even sure.

“I haven’t seen you around,” the other one murmured hoarsely as he explored Ren’s body. “Are you new?”

“Yes,” Ren panted in reply. His own hands had started wandering down the other man’s back, reluctant to touch.

The only reply was a noncommittal hum as the other man leaned in and began a slow exploration of Ren’s neck with his lips and tongue. The ringing in his ears became louder when he felt the wet suckle against the soft skin of his throat and he moaned softly when teeth grazed the spot that had just been caressed.

“Sorry, I was held up…” Another voice interrupted the soft soundtrack of their moans and kisses. Ren was abandoned almost instantly and despite the warm weather he suddenly felt chilled. He had to blink a couple of times to regain his focus and needed another moment more to gather enough strength to bring himself into an upright position again and survey the situation.

“Woah, what’s this?” the new arrival said, his tone giving no hint towards his thoughts. He was another cadet, human, classically good-looking with black hair. Ren had an instant dislike for him. “I didn’t realize this was going to be a threesome,” the cadet said with a slanted grin.

Ren’s partner took another step back from him and turned to look at the other cadet. When he directed his attention back at Ren, his steel blue eyes sparkling with anger. “You aren’t starfighter406?”

  “I’m Ren,” he offered feebly, irrationally feeling the urge to apologize for the fact. He watched the other man pull his long fingers through his copper hair, cursing softly under his breath.

“Hey, I don’t mind,” the other cadet said casually, as he sauntered towards them. “The more the merrier. And we’re here to have fun, aren’t we?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” the red-haired cadet ground out, turned on his heels and fled from the rose garden.

Both Ren and the cadet watched him leave, the cadet with clear bewilderment, Ren with an inexplicable feeling of regret. It was only when the other man cleared his throat audibly, that Ren remembered he wasn’t alone and that he had a witness to his shame.

“Well, since we’re both here…” the other one began, but he was cut off the moment Ren waved his hand. He crumpled to the floor like a ragdoll. Ren stepped over his unconscious body without another thought and followed the path the red-haired man had taken. He managed to track him for a couple of turns, his agitation thick in the air like a red thread, leading him through the maze of hedges.

But eventually this trail went cold and Ren was left standing there in the middle of this beautiful garden, with the red glow of the setting twin suns behind his back, and he found himself making a silent pledge: He was going to find him and then he’d find out what it had been that had almost made him lose control.

 

**************************************


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, his day hadn’t gotten off to a better start either. After a nearly sleepless night, Ren felt uneasy and irritable. As if it hadn’t been bad enough to share the room with not one but four other people after years of solitude, it also had been an unnecessary lesson for him to learn that Nautolans made the strangest sounds when sleeping.

At some point during the night, Ren had abandoned his attempts to find sleep and left the shared chambers to explore the campus grounds some more, but one of those stupid watch units that everyone referred to as nanny droids had intercepted him at the end of the hall and sent him back to his room. Usually it would have been easy for him to dispose of the annoying little trashcan, but he figured it would have drawn unnecessary attention to him, so he had complied.

Now he trotted glumly after his roommates towards the mess hall to get their morning rations. Brent was prattling away, undisturbed by the sullen silence of his companions. Ren had found out that Zevron, the Chiss, was extremely private and hardly said a word, even when asked directly. He also must have some kind of natural resistance against mind reading, since Ren had only been able to catch momentary flickers of images from him instead of clear trains of thought, like he usually could.

The Nautolan, whatever his name had been, on the other hand was extremely open in sharing his thoughts and feelings with everyone around him. This was probably owed to his species’ natural empathy. Perhaps this is why he and the Chiss had formed a friendship, since they both felt at ease with each other.

True to his original assessment, Kolt had indeed turned out to be nothing out of the ordinary, a normal cadet with a normal, boring life and slightly subpar mental abilities which would eventually get in the way of a brilliant career in the military. He’d probably be put in charge of some platoon and sent on a suicide mission which would lead to his untimely demise and a funeral with military honors that his parents so craved for.

But it hadn’t only been the unfamiliar sleeping situation that had robbed Ren of his sleep. His mind had also kept on returning to the chance encounter in the rose garden. It seemed to him as if he could still feel the touch lingering on his skin, as if he’d sustained permanent injuries from them. Of course it hadn’t helped that he’d discovered a bruise on his neck where the red-haired man had suckled his skin.

Brent had seen it too when he had stepped up next to him in the lavatories and Ren had been forced to wipe his memory of this. This had been the second time that day he had manipulated the other cadet’s memories and he felt the slightest twinge of remorse over it, since he knew that there wasn’t a malicious bone in the other one’s body.

Ren told himself that he had done this to avoid uncomfortable questions and safeguard his mission, but if he was brutally honest to himself, it had been because he hadn’t wanted to share this with anyone else. Now he was glad for the stiff, high-necked collar of his uniform.

During breakfast, Ren forced himself to consume at least a portion of his food. He wasn’t used to this regular kind of sustenance anymore and he found no joy in it. It was a necessity to keep his body strong and powerful, but he wasn’t going to waste undue time and effort on it. All the more confusing was his roommate’s enthusiastic response to what passed for breakfast here. Brent polished off his bowl of grain porridge in record time and had already been through the energy bar, fruit and bagged nuts by the time Ren had gotten around to rejecting those and offering them to him, much to his delight.

Perhaps what had spoiled his appetite had also been the fact that he’d constantly been listening in on everyone else’s thoughts in hopes of finding his mystery encounter again. It had been draining to do so, since it had required him to lower his guards again and let everything in unfiltered. It had only added to his feeling of restlessness.

“You seem out of balance,” the Nautolan said to him calmly. Seg, his name was Seg, Ren remembered while feeling caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Why would you say that?” Ren replied casually, taking a sip from the hot blue milk.

“Your consciousness is all over the place. You’re not in the here and now. This is very exhausting.”

Ren gave Seg a probing look. The black orbs were impenetrable, as always. People always thought that Nautolans didn’t blink, but that thought was ridiculous, of course. Ren had read about this people in one of the books in Master Snoke’s library. They did blink, only the movement was so fast that it was impossible to spot with a normal human eye. With his Jedi training, Ren was able to slow down time before his reaction was required, and so he could see the blinking just fine. Even though it didn’t really help him much, it made him feel better to know that Seg had the same physical reflexes as everyone else.

Returning to the subject at hand, Ren reminded himself that he’d also read that Nautolans were extremely sensitive to emotions. They couldn’t read thoughts, but the receptors on their head-tresses allowed them to sense other people’s emotional state. This made them a formidable adversary on the battlefield, and most likely made Seg a liability to Ren’s mission since he obviously wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions.

“I’m just nervous about being at a new school. I think that’s normal,” he said as casually as he could manage. “Besides, I’m still struggling with the circumstances of our escape from the Outer Rim, so crowds make me nervous.” He congratulated himself internally for this brilliant idea. This must sit well with an empath.

“Yes, I suppose so,” Seg replied serenely and turned back to his meal.

Almost reluctantly, Ren returned to scanning the room for familiar mental signatures, feeling the Nautolan’s scrutiny almost physically. But then it didn’t matter anymore, because he caught the clear signal that he’d been looking for. The mix of blatant distaste, of cool disregard and thinly veiled contempt, hidden under a surface of civility. He’d only ever sensed this once before when he’d laid his eyes on the red-haired cadet.

Without thinking, Ren jumped up from his seat. Immediately all conversation ceased at the table and he became the recipient of many confused looks. Suddenly embarrassed, Ren sat down again and mumbled something about having forgotten his datapad in his quarters.

Then he turned away to evade the mocking smirks of the other students who’d picked up their conversations again, and that’s when he caught sight of him. He was standing a little apart from the crowd, arms clasped around his elbows in a familiar gesture. The small group of cadets around him seemed to be with him and yet he was clearly apart from them. Sullenly, he glanced out of the windows into the gardens.

“Who is this?” Ren whispered before he could stop himself.

“Who?” Brent asked while chewing.

“That red-haired cadet standing at the doors over there.”

His roommates exchanged some glances. “I’d steer clear of him if I were you. He’s bad news.” To the surprise of everyone, this had come from Zevron. The Chiss’ red eyes glinted with an unusual intensity.

“But why?” Ren asked, defiant like a child.

“That’s Armitage Hux,” Brent replied with a hushed voice. “But don’t ever call him by his first name. He hates it. He’s the son of Commandant Hux.”

“Okay?” Ren was vaguely familiar with the famed Commandant Hux and his stormtrooper recruitment program, but he had no idea how this would have anything to do with Hux being bad news.

“Anyone who crosses him meets his fate, one way or another,” Seg said gravely. “If he won’t see to it himself, then it’ll be one of the Commandant’s Cadets who are everywhere among us. You can’t trust anyone.”

Ren frowned. “I don’t get this. He’s just a cadet. What could he do to me?” Then again, so was he, and he’d strangled people with his mind before and wiped someone else’s memories today before breakfast.

“I suggest you don’t find out.” The way Zevron delivered this line was final and so Ren let it drop. Of course he’d find out.

 

**************************************

 

His motivation had received a minor damper when the entire morning had been filled with boring theoretical classes that had sapped the very strength from his limbs. At some point he’d started feeling as if he’d lost a couple of inches in size simply by sitting hunched over a screen for such a long time. He’d also received his first reality check in regards to his abilities in picking the required answers from people’s minds as he needed them. A professor had called him out unexpectedly to answer a question and he hadn’t been able to sift through so many minds that quickly to find the plausible answer before the professor had cut him off and asked someone else. This had happened at various different times. The resulting malicious joy he’d felt in the room had made him angry. Very angry.

So it came as a great relief when Ren saw that the afternoon would be filled with physical exercises in the arena. Finally it was his turn to shine. After lunch, which he’d spent futilely trying to spot Hux and evade his roommates, he went out into the glass-domed arena wearing his usual black workout clothes and finally feeling like himself again for the first time in days.

The sky was cloudy and the air slightly humid as if a storm was approaching. Cadets were clustering around in groups, practicing various aspects of physical combat. To his great disappointment, Ren wasn’t allowed to choose his discipline, so he found himself target practicing with blasters ten minutes later.

How he abhorred these crude, simplistic contraptions. They lacked any form of finesse and required no skill whatsoever to fire. Or so he’d thought. But after the first shots fired he quickly came to realize that it required a bit more to successfully hit the targets, and whatever it was, he didn’t have it. The chuckling of his peers seemed to become a constant soundtrack to his time here at the Academy.

“What’s wrong, Ren? Didn’t they let you use the big guns in the Outer Rim?” Ren tried for a brief moment to clamp down on his boiling anger, but when someone bumped into him intentionally, causing him to drop his blaster, he lost it.

He whipped around and immediately homed in on the group of three cadets who had been lambasting him with snide comments ever since he’d started practicing. The way their eyes kept darting over to him, nasty grins on their stupid faces, made it abundantly clear to him that he was still the subject of their conversation.

Ren felt the energy surge through his hands, tickling across his skin underneath his gloves. He yanked them off and threw them down without a care. Perceiving this as a childish gesture, one of the cadets shoved the other one with his elbow and pointed at him. Moving his hand ever so slightly, Ren enjoyed the sudden look of panic on the other one’s face when his oxygen supply was suddenly cut off.

His friends took a moment to catch on before realizing that his friend was in serious distress. They started fussing over him, slapping him on the back and doing all sorts of useless administrations to help him breathe. But they wouldn’t be able to help him, Ren thought with a deep sense of satisfaction as he watched, seemingly impassive, as the other cadet struggled for breath.

The coaches had joined the commotion, calling for medics and opening the cadet’s shirt, wondering why he kept reaching for his throat to remove a pair of invisible hands that were crushing his windpipes. Ren could feel the life slowly draining from the other one’s body and found the thought incredibly exhilarating.

_Good riddance, another useless subject removed by natural selection._

Ren’s focus slipped and the boy drew in a shuddering breath, gasping for air. Ren didn’t care. He turned around and searched the arena, soon spotting Hux standing at the side, coolly observing the spectacle. Like everyone else, he wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to him.

Ren noted how good Hux looked in his tightfitting white pants and muscle shirt, his hair in slight disarray from the exercise. Then he saw the quarter-staff hanging loosely from his side and realized with excitement that Hux must be doing sword-fight practice. Ignoring his coach’s instructions, Ren grabbed a staff from the barrel and walked across the arena towards the sparring field.

It gave him further cause for anger when Hux didn’t deem him worthy of his attention as he approached, continuing to observe the scene with an undeniable sense of ennui. It was only when Ren was practically breathing down his back that Hux noticed him and turned around, a satisfying look of surprise on his face.

Even more rewarding was the realization mixed into the surprise when Hux recognized him. Unfortunately, he caught himself quickly and replaced the surprise with a look of haughty indifference. “And who might you be? My own private stalker?”

The line was delivered with an edge that would have cut durasteel. Ren couldn’t help but compare it to the last time he’d heard this voice directed at him, the husky murmur that got him hard just remembering it. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to happen, but he couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

Annoyance crept into the condescending sneer when Ren didn’t reply right away. “I’m not sure who told you that the quiet, brooding type is appealing, but I find it tedious. If you haven’t got anything interesting to say, I suggest you move out of the way and let me continue my practice.”

“Let’s fight,” Ren blurted out before he could stop himself. He was rewarded with another look of consternation on the other man’s face.

“Hardly,” Hux scoffed. “I’m not wasting my time with fledglings who haven’t even weaned off their mother’s teats.”

Ren refused to take the bait, even though he felt anger flare up again. “You didn’t seem to mind yesterday,” he said with a low voice.

A second later, Hux was in his face, so close that he could smell the soap he’d been using prior to practice. “Is this what your game is? Pretending to be someone else every day? What is it today, master swordsman?”

As much as Ren enjoyed the closeness, he had to step back and bring some distance between them. It was too distracting. “Why don’t you fight me and find out?” To underline his challenge, Ren made a swooping motion with his staff, spreading both arms in an inviting gesture.

Hux laughed coldly. “Do you think you’re the first runt coming here and trying to pick a fight with me? I’ve beaten men who were taller and heavier than you before I’ve had my first morning smoke.”

Ren just smiled. “Then quit stalling and show me what you got.”

“How dare you!” Hux called out, obviously scandalized by such an open challenge which had drawn in an audience by now. “I’m the best swordsman in the Academy.”

“Well, times are about to change.”

“You little…” Ren observed the struggle on Hux’s face as he reined himself in and weighed his options, clenching his fists. Then he ground out, “All right then, have it your way.” Ren wasn’t sure if he’d echoed his line from yesterday intentionally, but it definitely had an effect on him, immediately making him recall things he shouldn’t be thinking about right now.

“What shall we fight for?” Hux asked, as he marched towards one corner of the sparring field, swooshing his staff through the air a couple of times. “First blood?”

“Works for me.” Ren followed him and took his place at the opposite end. “Let’s go!” He assumed the fighting stance and waited for his opponent’s first reaction. Usually, this made a fight a lot easier since it gave him valuable clues towards the other one’s fighting style.

Apparently Hux had a similar idea, and so they spent a good minute circling each other, testing the other one’s reactions with feint attacks. Ren could tell by those alone that Hux had very keen reflexes and probably wasn’t easy to blindside. The fact that Ren couldn’t just go ahead and use the Force to gain an edge over his opponent added to the challenge and he found it exciting.

Eventually, Ren grew bored with the pacing and started his first attack. He surprised Hux with a rapid upward swing which he gave extra force by using the momentum of a spin. Hux parried it, but underestimated the force of impact and was thrown back a couple of feet. He probably felt it in his arms, too, but he didn’t show it.

While Ren was still wondering about that, Hux suddenly jumped forward, slashing the staff at his chest and forcing him to leap backwards to avoid being hit in the chin with it. _Quick little fox_ , he thought with a sense of appreciation. _Time to test your strength_.

Without losing a beat, he released a volley of hard blows against the other one’s weapon, expecting them to by parried with ease, yet draining strength. It had the desired effect when Hux looked ruffled afterwards, his cheeks flushed with both excitement and exertion. He paid back in full by executing a counter attack, this time catching Ren unaware with his skillful maneuvers that made it extremely difficult to predict where the staff would come down next. More than once Ren had to tap into his Jedi training to be able to evade the staff before it hit him.

By now, a sizeable crowd had gathered around the sparring field, watching the fight intently and commenting on every exchange. It was a little distracting to Ren, since he felt his focus slip several times when stray thoughts pierced his mind. At one of those moments, Hux spotted an opening and swiped the staff at his legs, knocking him clean on his back.

Ren had no time to be annoyed at his beginner’s mistake when Hux’s movements slowed down in front of his eyes and he could already see the projected trajectory of the next blow with his mind and it wasn’t pretty. With lightning speed agility, he twisted his body, bringing his legs over his chest and then under his body, leaping to his feet and to the side before the staff hit the ground where his head had been just a moment ago. The splintering crack left nothing to imagination.

The angry howl that rose from Hux’s throat seemed entirely out of character and it preceded a foolhardy attack by the other man who clearly was motivated by fury now. Fury was a powerful stimulus, Ren knew that, but it also invited errors. A fact he fully intended to take advantage of.

Once more he observed his opponent, watching for the slightest tremble or flexing of a muscle that might indicate the direction of the next attack and he was right every time. To the observer this must have looked like Ren merely defending himself against a barrage of vicious attacks from a masterful swordfighter, but in fact he was reading him like a book, drawing a mental map of all of his movements and favorite attacks until he soon could predict his every move with ease.

He gave Hux the illusion of having the upper hand for just a moment longer before releasing his full powers onto the other man. He used every move he’d learned so far, every twist and powerful launch, driving Hux back with every blow, never leaving him an opening to do anything but parry.

Regardless of this, Hux continued to fight fiercely and Ren felt his respect and admiration for this man rise with every blow he deflected, with every angry sparkle from his steel blue eyes and grunt through clenched teeth.

And yet, when Ren saw the opening present itself to him, he took it. With one clean swipe, he broke through Hux’s defense and his staff connected with the other one’s face. Not as hard as it could have, but hard enough to knock his head back.

A gasp went through the crowd of onlookers when Hux stumbled backwards. He caught himself quickly and reached up to his face, wiping the back of his hand across it. It came back smeared with blood trickling from his nose. Hux stared at it in mild confusion, panting softly. Then he locked his eyes with Ren as he put the hand to his mouth and licked the blood off slowly.

Ren stared, mesmerized by the sight of Hux’s tongue lapping up his own blood without the slightest reaction showing on his face. He wasn’t even sure what turned him on more, but before he could reach a conclusion, Hux swung at him again, hitting him in the chest and throwing him onto his back with an uncushioned thud. It knocked the wind right out of him and he curled up to the side with a wheeze, drawing a shuddering breath before even thinking about rolling to his knees again.

“Let’s call it a draw,” he suggested, his ribcage hurting from the impact.

“All right,” Hux said, offering his hand.

Ren stared at it for a moment, wondering if this might be a trick. Then he decided that he didn’t care. He grabbed the hand and was pulled to his feet. Suddenly hands appeared from all sides, patting him on the back, slapping his aching shoulders and complimenting him on his good fight. By the time Ren had managed to sort through the chaos, Hux had turned around and disappeared into the crowd.

 

**************************************

 

That night, Ren was still sore from the fight as he walked back to his quarters. It had been a while now since he’d been up against something other than holoprojections and Force simulations, and he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps his Master had been wrong in isolating him like this. Maybe it had caused him to lose his edge.

Alarmed at the nature of these thoughts, he stopped dead in his tracks, glancing over his shoulder as if Snoke could suddenly appear behind him and punish him for these rebellious reflections. He immediately adjusted himself mentally. Master Snoke’s wisdom was endless and he certainly had a good reason for choosing this path for his training and it wasn’t for him to decide otherwise. Besides, he was here now and it undoubtedly was all part of his Master’s grand scheme. He should just have faith.

Ren continued on his path through the darkened hallway. He had no idea how late it was. He’d avoided dinner in the mess hall since he hadn’t wanted anymore of the attention his careless actions had garnered him. He’d prowled around the grounds some more, foolishly hoping to run into Hux again, but eventually he’d decided that this was pointless and he’d do better turning in and starting the new day with a newly formed plan on how to gain the information his Master sought. He’d already wasted enough time in his imprudent pursuit of Hux. Maybe some meditation was in order to recalibrate his focus.

He rounded a corner and ran into a solid wall. Or rather, someone ran into him and he was pushed against the wall with a brutal shove. It wasn’t just one but at least five people and they all wore black masks covering their faces. Ren’s body immediately switched to defense and he was ready to hurl his assailants into the ceiling, but then he remembered his resolve from less than a minute ago to be a little bit more level-headed and forced himself to calm down and observe. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t kill him immediately and he could always destroy these fools a moment later.

So he instead worked on tensing his muscles to cushion the blow that was delivered to his solar plexus. It was excruciating nonetheless and he toppled over with a painful wheeze before being forced up again by rough hands. The next strike hit him in the jaw, knocking his head against the wall hard and causing further damage there. The third attack was a knee into his gut, one… two… three times. Thankfully, the attacker relented before Ren had to succumb to the disgrace of emptying his stomach right here in front of these jerks. He had to dry heave anyhow.

When he was done, he awaited the next assault, but instead he was pulled up once more and pushed into the wall. One of the masked men moved close to him, so close that he could feel the breath puffing out from under the mask. “Listen carefully, nerf-herder,” he whispered. “Stay away from Hux or you’ll regret it. You’d do better to know your place instead of reaching for the stars. This was your only warning. Next time we won’t be so nice.” With that, he swung a powerful right hook into Ren’s body, knocking him sideways onto the ground. Someone else kicked him once again for good measure. Then he was left alone.

Ren stayed in the crumpled heap for a good five minutes, willing down the burning pain in his body and, more importantly, forcing down the rage that was already pushing through every valve in scaldingly hot steam. Oh, how he would have enjoyed squeezing the life out of every single one of those assholes until their eyes popped in their stupid skulls. Or better yet, he’d choke them until they blacked out, then bring them to somewhere remote and force them to watch as he slowly disemboweled one after the other, strangling them with their own entrails. No, the fresh offal would probably be too slippery for a decent grip. Perhaps he’d just take out one organ after the next and force them to eat them before slicing them to pieces, limb by limb… yes, that was even better.

His violent thoughts gave him a certain measure of comfort, knowing he was fully capable of doing so and it was merely by the grace of his self-control that they weren’t lying there in a bloody pile of broken limbs. He was in fact allowing them to live. For now.

Once his anger had subsided a little, he allowed himself to analyze the situation. From what he could tell, he wasn’t seriously hurt. He’d probably received some bruises, but no bone was broken, no joint dislocated. He’d done a good job protecting his vital organs with the Force. He ran his tongue across his teeth, noting with relief that they were all in place as well. He hadn’t thought about protecting those.

Next, he thought about his assailants, committing everything he’d noted about them to memory so he could find them later. They all had worn cadet uniforms, some taller than him, some the same size, one a good head smaller. They all had had a humanoid build, so he could limit his search at least somewhat. He hadn’t been able to make out any skin, hair or eye color in the dim half-light of the hallway, but he was pretty sure that he hadn’t spotted any horns, trunks, tentacles or other appendages. Instinctively, he’d be willing to bet that all of them had been humans.

Only one of them had spoken and he’d disguised his voice through whispering, so that was a dead end. He’d been able to catch a bit of his distinctive body smell, a mixture of sweat and blaster lubricant, but Ren wasn’t foolish enough to think that he could memorize a scent this well. But he had noted his Force aura which had been angry and arrogant, as if he truly thought he was part of an elite group and Ren was not. So, perhaps this was a secret society of sorts. Some fraternity perhaps. Their interest in Hux suggested that this might have been the Commandant’s Cadets, whoever that was. This was plausible and required some investigation. He stored this information away for later. Further observation: most likely they’d been sent by Hux himself. Ren found that thought a lot more troubling than he would have expected it to be.

With a pathetic groan, Ren finally gathered enough strength to drag himself up on his feet, leaning against the wall for support. Fucking hell, he was in a much worse shape than originally thought. It took him an immeasurable amount of effort to put one foot in front of the other and it seemed like an eternity until he’d reached his quarters. The panel beeped when he used his badge to authorize himself and the door slid open with a whoosh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to archgallo for giving these chapters the final read-through before posting.
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr. I'm really friendly. I'm silversolitaire there (and just about anywhere else...).


	3. Chapter 3

For one crazy moment, Ren hoped that he’d be alone and nobody would be witness to his shame, but then he spotted one lonely figure lounging in a chair in their common room. The Chiss. Just great.

Gritting his teeth, Ren dragged himself into the room and elbowed the panel behind him to lock the door. Zevron looked up from the datapad he’d been reading and took in his appearance. Without a flicker of a reaction, he returned to his reading.

Feeling grateful for being ignored, Ren shuffled towards the lavatory and locked that door behind him as well. A quick glance into the mirror confirmed that he looked like shit. His lip had split open and there was blood all over his uniform, coming from his nose and the cut on his lip. He reached up into his matted hair and came back with a bloody hand.

With an agonized groan, he pulled open his uniform jacket and surveyed the colorful collection of marks and bruises scattered across his pale skin. Some were old, some from this afternoon and some just freshly forming. This was the least of his concern. He checked his eyes in the mirror and noted how the pupils were dilated despite the bright light in the bathroom. Hopefully this was just from the adrenaline still rushing through his veins and not something more serious like a concussion.

Even though every bone in his body objected viciously, Ren moved every single one of his limbs, stretched, flexed and bent them until he was one hundred percent sure that nothing was broken. Afterwards, he felt shaky from the exertion, so he finished undressing and slipped under the refresher.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when he emerged from the stall and he’d washed every last bit of dirt and blood from his body, he already felt a lot better. He left the lavatory through the door that led to the shared dormitory where he grabbed a fresh set of clothes from the trunk at the foot of his bed and put it on. Then he felt ready to face the Chiss waiting outside.

Ren could sense his attention through the walls, despite the feigned disinterest. If he was anything but a Chiss, he probably would have been able to get a clearer read on his thoughts. Instead, he only got glimpses of what was going on in his blue head. One of them was annoyance, probably at having to deal with this. No concern, Ren noted. Asshole. Zevron probably wouldn’t have been caught dead showing concern for someone like him.

Feeling oddly offended at this thought, Ren pulled himself up to his full height and exited the bedroom as casually as he could manage with every limb of his on fire. Zevron was still reading-slash-ignoring him. As dignified as possible, Ren limped over to the sideboard to pour himself some water from the pitcher. He inhaled the first glass instantly and only realized now how thirsty he was. He drank two more glasses before coming up for air. His mouth tasted like blood.

“I told you to stay away from Hux,” the Chiss said, infuriatingly dispassionate.

Despite himself, Ren turned around to reply, a finger raised. Then he changed his mind and simply said “Fuck you,” before turning back to the sideboard.

“Oh, that is incredibly eloquent for someone who just had his face rearranged.” He put the datapad on the table in front of him. “Do you still have all your teeth?”

All good intentions be damned. Ren’s anger flared up once again and he turned around to face the Chiss, faster than he should have, but the pain shooting through his body gave him strength. “Why don’t you go back to your reading and leave me alone? I don’t remember asking you for your advice and since your kind guards everything so jealously, I suggest you do the same with your opinion and keep it to yourself.”

Zevron didn’t look the least bit impressed. “That was quite a speech coming from someone who’s been beaten up twice in one day.”

Another flare up. “I haven’t been beaten by Hux. I drew the first blood, remember? So I won.”

Slowly, Zevron shook his head. “And you honestly think that antagonizing someone like Hux in front of the entire Academy is going to end in anything but pain and suffering for you? Why didn’t you heed my warning and stay away from him?”

Despite himself, Ren kept talking. “Have you seen him? Have you been close to him? Those eyes, the hair, the cool condescension… I don’t know what it is about him, but it’s calling out to me.” _It’s destiny_ , a distant voice in the back of his mind piped up, but he clamped down on it. He limped over to the vacant chair and dropped into it heavily. “I just had to…” What exactly had gone wrong in his life that he was sitting opposite a Chiss, hurting from the recent beating he’d taken and pouring his heart out to the blue-skinned bastard?

“I understand what you mean,” Zevron said quietly. “More than you know.” Random flashes of images flew past Ren’s mind. Hux approaching slowly, a sultry smile on his lips. Hux, throwing his head back, being grabbed around the waist by blue hands. Hux, naked…

Ren turned very still, torn between wanting to see more of this and wanting to throw the other guy across the room for thinking about this, most likely a memory of past events. He felt something boil up inside of him that felt very much like jealousy. How absurd. “So, you and Hux used to date?” he asked casually, picking a piece of lint off the armrest.

Zevron snorted. “Where did you get an idea like that?”

Ren could hardly elaborate that he’d been reading his mind, at least partially, so he merely shrugged, hoping it’d keep the conversation going. Social interaction was so hard!

Thankfully, Zevron continued without a prompt. “I didn’t date him. I fucked him.”

Ren’s anger erupted like a thunderstorm and the pitcher at the other side of the room slid across the smooth surface of the sideboard, teetering at the edge precariously for a moment before Ren managed to get a hold of it – and himself – well enough to push it back to where it belonged. It sloshed and spilled some water, prompting Zevron to turn around and check. Ren used that moment of distraction to use the Force to untie the laces of the Chiss’ boots and tie them together in a tight knot. It was petty and childish, but it made him feel better.

Zevron focused his attention back on him. “Don’t look so scandalized. Don’t tell me things weren’t like that at your old academy. That’s what happens when you put a bunch of young men with raging hormones into a confined space together.”

Ren deemed it safer not to grace this with an answer. He already felt another surge of anger flare up and put a tight lid on it. _Breathe_ … A lot calmer, he said, “So let me guess. You reacted to some kind of summon and found him there in the rose garden where he immediately went for you, driving you crazy with his lips and hands.”

The look on Zevron’s face was enough to tell Ren that he’d hit bullseye. The Chiss laughed softly and shook his head again. “You’ve been here how long now? Two days? And you’ve already figured this out? He really must have wanted you.”

“Actually…” Ren said reluctantly, hating to admit it, “It was a bit of a mix-up. I’ve been exploring the area and stumbled upon him in the rose garden. He thought I was someone else and by the time that someone showed up, we’d already, erm… done some things.” To his great dismay, Ren felt his cheeks heat up with a flush.

This time, Zevron’s laugh was sincere, loud and sharp and utterly out of place. “Oh, this is grand! The rookie stumbling into one of Hux’s secret trysts and taking advantage of it. No wonder he hates your guts now.”

“It wasn’t like that…” Ren said feebly, but either Zevron hadn’t heard him or he didn’t care, but he kept talking and said, “Well, lucky for you, you’ve already been issued your warning, so it’s highly unlikely they’ll drag you off to do worse with you like they’ve already done with others. So, as long as you heed the warning and stay away from Hux, you should be fine.”

That made Ren perk up again. “You’re talking about the guys who beat me up. Do you know them? Who are they?” _Oh please, tell me who they are so I can kill them slowly and painfully_ , he added in his mind.

Zevron nodded reluctantly. “I know what they are, but not who. Nobody does, except the Commandant’s Cadets themselves.”

“And what are they?”

A shrug. “It’s hard to explain. They’re… like a fraternity. They’ve started back at Arkanis Academy with Commandant Hux in charge. I have no idea what they really want, but I do know that you don’t want to mess with them. And since they follow the directives of Commandant Hux, they are probably also protecting his son. I’m not sure how much he’s involved and how much he knows about it, but considering he always directly benefits from their actions, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a member himself.”

Ren frowned. “And everyone is okay with this? What does Commandant Rhakis say about this?”

“Officially, he has no idea. Who knows what he actually knows, off record. But fact is, they’re no official thing and their transgressions never appear on official records. They operate outside our boundaries.”

“I see…” Ren mulled this new information over in his head for a bit. He’d have to get to the bottom of this. Finally he’d have something he could report back to his Master that would satisfy him. He made plans to get in contact with Snoke as soon as possible.

“You don’t look like someone who can let go,” Zevron interrupted his thoughts. Upon Ren’s annoyed look he added, “For your sake I hope you will. Nobody has survived a full-on confrontation with the Commandant’s Cadets.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Ren murmured and pulled himself out of the chair, stifling a groan. “I’m going to bed.” With that, he left the Chiss behind and retreated to his bed, where he lay down under the covers, fully dressed and biding his time.

He had no intention of sleeping. He was going to wait until the night had progressed enough for everyone else to be asleep and then he’d contact his Master. He checked his pocket for the object required and was content to find it there. To pass the time, he submerged himself in some light meditation, reflecting on the day’s events.

He was interrupted briefly, when he heard Zevron get up in the common room and trip over his tied shoelaces, cursing in his language. Ren chuckled. Another time, the others returned to the quarters and went to bed. Ren pretended to sleep while keenly listening in on everything they did. Seg was the first to enter. He had already changed and went straight to bed, rolling over and immediately sinking into a noisy slumber. Ren considered for a moment whether he could use the Force to smother him in his sleep, but then he figured that his backdrop noise will only work for his benefit since he doubted any of his roommates had a particularly light sleep if they could endure someone like this.

Next were Brent and Zevron who were talking softly as they went to bed. Ren could make out that they were talking about him, filling each other in on the details they were missing of today’s events. He could sense Brent’s concern for him wash over him in waves of sympathy and it felt strange and endearing at the same time. He heard Zevron comment that he seemed fine and he shouldn’t worry. Ren scoffed mentally. He wasn’t fine, he was gravely injured and it was only because of his tough constitution and elite training that he managed to uphold the impression of normalcy. Belatedly, Ren realized that he was sulking. This really had to stop.

Finally, everyone settled down and soon the bedroom was only filled with the steady sounds of Seg’s snoring. Ren had just decided to get up, when the bedroom door slid open again and Kolt came in. He had actually forgotten all about this guy. Since he was still listening in on thoughts, he tapped into Kolt’s mind briefly. The other cadet was thinking something about some Twi’lek singer with huge breasts and… Ren withdrew as quickly as he could, shuddering internally.

He waited patiently for Kolt to settle down as well, then waited a while longer before pushing his blanket aside and swinging his legs out of the bed. He winced softly when his body protested. He exited the quarters as quietly as he could and slipped into the hallway. Closing his eyes, he sent out the Force to probe for the nanny droids no doubt patrolling the floor. He could make out their position easily and took a different route to avoid them. When one of them was in a position disadvantageous to him, he used the Force to make a noise three halls down, thus drawing the nanny droid away from its post.

Eventually, he made it out into the gardens. Again using the Force to propel him up, he quickly scaled the wall and came down soundlessly at the other side. He walked the short distance to the forest that he’d already scouted out on his walk to the Academy. It was remote and free of surveillance and unwanted eyes and ears. Thankfully, the climate on this planet was mild, so he actually enjoyed the late night walk where he felt completely at peace and alone with himself, away from distracting sounds and thoughts.

When he’d reached a small clearing, he Force-checked the surroundings one more time before setting up a mental barrier around him, keeping everyone and everything out and everything he was doing in. Then he pulled out the small round object he’d been cradling in his pocket the entire time and put it down on the ground. With a wave of his hand, he activated the invisible Force-operated toggle and the communication device sprang to life.

It beeped and blinked, deploying small antennas and moving them to establish a connection. Ren waited with bated breath, still unsure whether this thing would work on such a large distance. Suddenly, a light at the top flickered and threw a thin cone of light onto the soft, mossy ground. A tiny figure appeared, fizzled and then slowly solidified to a miniature version of Master Snoke, sitting on his throne-like chair.

“Master!” Ren called out softly, feeling strangely relieved to see him again. It’d been nearly two weeks since he’d last made contact with his Master and much longer since he’d even been on the same planet with him. Since he’d been the only contact he’d had with anyone for years, it felt a little bit like home, in a sick and twisted way.

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke said, his voice tinny and foreign through the miniature speaker of the communication device. It made Ren happy regardless.

“I have come with new information,” he said, knowing that Snoke would have no interest in the exchange of pleasantries, even though he was dying to hear a personal word.

“Very good. What have you learned?”

“I haven’t met a lot of people from the Academy just yet, because this is only my second day, but I have already found out something quite important.” He quickly recounted his encounter with the Commandant’s Cadets and what he knew about them already.

Snoke listened intently, his bony fingers steepled. When Ren had finished, he nodded serenely. “You did well. Killing them would have drawn unnecessary attention to you and at this point it is more important to find out more about this group. You’ve exhibited commendable self-control in accordance with my teachings and your judgement proved to be prudent.”

Ren felt ridiculously proud at this praise, but he worked hard on not showing it. Instead, he merely bowed his head in acknowledgement. “How do you suggest I proceed, Master?” he asked.

“Infiltrate the group. Find out as much as you can about them. If you must, destroy them, provided you can destroy them completely.”

Ren felt the slightest twinge of panic flare up. “But Master, I have no way of finding them out. Their paths never cross with mine unless I anger them and then it’s highly unlikely they will ask me to join them. How shall I manage this?”

Snoke’s smile was cold and uncaring. “I’m sure you will find ways to achieve this. Do not disappoint me, Kylo Ren.”

“Of course not, Master,” Ren mumbled, bowing his head again.

“Anything else?”

“Yes…” Ren hesitated, biting his lower lip, feeling the metallic taste of the fresh cut with his tongue. He didn’t want to breach this subject and yet he knew he had to.” What… what about Hux. How shall I progress with him?”

Snoke hummed softly, considering the issue. Ren wondered for a brief, panicked moment, if Snoke was able to read his mind all the way from here and could pick the secret images from his brain that he hadn’t shared willingly, guarding them jealously like a rare treasure.

“Find out more about him,” Snoke finally said and Ren released the breath he’d been holding. “I have no insight into his fate just yet. All will be revealed in time. For now, find out as much as you can and report to me in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Ren cried out in alarm. He hadn’t expected to even stay here this long. “Can’t I just use the Force and find out what…”

“Kylo Ren!” Snoke thundered, the tiny apparition rising from his chair in an intimidating gesture, striking fear in Ren’s heart despite his miniature size. Ren immediately shut up. “I will not have you question my orders! Do you understand?”

Ren swallowed and nodded. “Yes, Master.”

“And I will not explain my plans to you either. You as my apprentice are to execute them in my stead and I won’t waste my time explaining things to you that you can’t possibly understand.”

“Of course not, Master…” Ren replied through gritted teeth, his heart thudding in his chest angrily. Now he was certain Snoke couldn’t read his mind or else he’d already be writhing on the ground in agony. Snoke never allowed the slightest trace of defiance to grow inside of him.

“You know what you need to know. You are here to find out as much as you can about the rising First Order. You must know them to understand them and you must understand them to rule them, as I have foreseen it. So stop trying to rush through it and work on being one of them as I have told you to.”

“Yes, Master. Thank you for correcting me.”

Miniature Snoke sat down again. “Now leave and do as you’ve been told. Don’t contact me before the end of those two weeks or suffer the consequences.” With that, the holoproj cut out and the communication device switched itself off.

Ren stared at the spot where it had vanished for a long time, trying to wrestle down his feelings of anger, of being unfairly treated and of generally having been screwed over. When he lost at least one of those battles, he picked up a stone and hurled it against the side of a tree with an angry howl.

The stone immediately bounced back and flew at his face and he whipped up his hand to stop the stone mid-flight. It stopped literally inches from his face, quivering in the air as the Force ran through it. Ren stepped closer to it and watched it like a curious experiment. He focused his mind completely on this stone and gave it the blame for everything going wrong in his life right now. He watched with satisfaction as tiny cracks appeared all over the smooth surface of the stone as it was squeezed to sand and only held in place by the will of his mind.

When he felt satisfied, he released the stone and watched it disintegrate in thousands of tiny particles. Then he grabbed the communication device and left the clearing.

 

**************************************

 

The next morning, Ren got up before everyone else and was out of the quarters without any contact with his roommates. He simply couldn’t have dealt with any of them. He already felt better, but his face didn’t mirror this. It looked as if a Bantha had sat on it and it still hurt to breathe. So he could very well do without any comments, sympathetic or otherwise.

Instead, he made his way to the Commandant’s office to talk to the officer in charge of the class schedules. It was a diminutive alien race with bulging eyes and green skin who looked at him with very little interest as he stated his case.

“Sorry,” the officer replied after he’d finished. “I can’t volunteer this kind of information. Besides, changing class schedules is at the discretion of the Commandant only and every cadet has been placed into classes according to their performance. Since your records have been incomplete, you have been placed in beginner’s classes everywhere. And looking at the latest log entries about your class participation, I assume that placement was correct.”

Ren closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself down. Then he opened them again and looked at the officer intently. “I completely understand, officer. You will now open the files I have requested and transfer the information to my datapad.” He slid it across the desk. He watched the officer’s eyes glaze over as he picked it up and established a data connection, then typed in some keys at his terminal to start the transfer.

“Thank you,” he said unnecessarily. “Now you will open my class schedule and change all my classes to…” He quickly checked the files and gave the officer the modified schedule. He hesitated for a moment and then added, “And change all those entries about my class participation to excellent. In fact, give me excellent grades all the way across. Just add whatever is plausible for a senior cadet of great promise. Say I’m an expert in swordsmanship and space engineering or something.“ Ren wasn’t even sure if mind control worked that way, but since the officer started typing busily, he assumed it couldn’t be all wrong.

When he was finished, Ren told him to send him a copy of his updated file to his datapad as well. “Oh, and you’ll change the history classes to physical exercises as well. Excellent.” He gathered his things and made sure nothing of his remained behind. “Now you’ll get up and get yourself… some kind of hot beverage or whatever it is your kind enjoys drinking and when you return to this desk, you’ll remember nothing of this. It was just an ordinary morning.”

The officer got up mechanically and left the office through a side door. Ren didn’t wait for him to return and left the registration office.

Already feeling accomplished this morning, Ren gave the mess hall a wide berth and grabbed some nutritional bars from the vending droids instead. Then he took detours towards the auditorium, probing with the Force before taking a corner, always on the lookout for possible ambushes. It was annoying to live like that, but this was a hostile environment and he had to adapt accordingly.

Once he’d arrived, he set up camp, arranging his datapad and various documents in front of him, took a bite from his nutritional bar and started working. He was going to be an exemplary student now after all, so he had a lot of reading to catch up on. He opened the first file for today's lecture and his heart sank. This was advanced indeed. But he’d mastered the teachings of both the Sith and the Jedi, submerged himself in arcane texts of various cultures and mastered the art of mind manipulation before he had turned sixteen. He could do this! He gritted his teeth in grim determination and started reading.

 He woke with his head resting on a rapidly blinking datapad. Everywhere around him students were pouring into the rows of seats, filling them up and getting ready for the first lecture. Ren shot upright and cursed under his breath. He must have fallen asleep. So much for being an exemplary student. Now he’d have to wing it again.

By now he’d been cornered by students from all sides and he couldn’t help but wonder if any of them had been party to the ambush on him last night. He tried to pick thoughts from those around him, but nobody gave him as much as a second glance. It came as a relief, really.

A movement at the entrance caught Ren’s attention and he saw Hux walking in, a sullen expression on his face. He was surrounded by an entourage of cadets who were clearly following his lead despite being so soundly ignored by him.

Hux took his seat in the empty row near the front that somehow nobody had dared to sit in and slammed his satchel down without bothering to retrieve any of his study paraphernalia. His entourage filed in around him and continued chatting.

Ren found himself straightening himself up, running his fingers through his hair self-consciously and wondering if the bruise on his face still stood out so starkly in his pale face as it had this morning. Then he realized what he was doing and dropped his hands abruptly. How stupid. First of all, Hux was sitting several rows in front of him, so he’d have to turn all the way around to see him. Secondly, why did this matter at all?

Adjusting himself mentally, Ren forced himself to pay attention to the lecture which had just begun. Fifteen minutes later, he had to accept that he was a knucklehead who didn’t know the first thing about advanced space engineering, even though he’d cheated his way into this class. He gave up on pretending to be a model student and used his energy instead on making sure the professor didn’t get any ideas and tried to call him out to the board or anything. As long as the professor was convinced that he’d been an attentive and talented listener, the class had served its purpose.

He made a mental note for next time though, deciding that he didn’t actually need to attend these classes. He could just wait for the professor in the hallway and place the idea of his excellent performance in his mind. Problem solved.

So now he had time to focus on the issue at hand. Hux. He’d continuously found his glance being irresistibly drawn towards the full head of copper hair. He still remembered how soft it’d felt, when he’d buried his hands in it. He couldn’t believe it was only a couple of days ago, because now it felt like an impossible dream.

He mulled over the events of the past day. He didn’t want to believe that Hux had anything to do with the attack on him, but the evidence was overwhelming. So he’d probably do well to proceed with care until he had enough information to formulate a plan. He could probably try to get Hux alone and pick his mind, but a childish and vain part of him didn’t want the confrontation to happen just now when he still felt like someone had put him through the grinder.

Besides, he couldn’t trust himself just yet. He had no idea how he’d react if he had Hux at his disposition all of a sudden. He wasn’t sure if he would kiss or throttle him… or maybe both…

“Kylo Ren!”

It took him a moment to realize his name had been called out and he realized with a mounting sense of dread that his fantasizing about Hux had caused him to loosen his hold on the professor who had promptly found his name on the class registry.

“Yes, sir?” he asked, trying to make his voice sound as firm as possible.

“I haven’t seen you in my class yet. Are you a new transfer?”

“Yes I am, sir.”

The professor nodded and looked at his datapad. “I’m sure you’ll be a great asset for this class. Looking at your achievements, I can’t wait for your turn to hold a presentation on practical applications of legacy tech in modern warfare, since that seems to be your specialty.” Oh, for fuck’s sake, he should have checked what the clerk in that registration office had put in his record.

“It’ll be my honor, sir,” Ren said, his mind already racing to find ways to get out of this. Even worse, heads were turning towards him, some looking dispassionate, some curious, many angry and even hateful. But the set of eyes that shook him the most were steel grey and utterly unreadable.

“For now, would you like to elaborate on the problem I have posed just a moment ago? What would your solution be? Why don’t you get up so everyone can hear you?”

Excellent, he’d have to disappear as soon as class finished because either his cover would be blown or he’d have made such a capital fool out of himself that he could never show his face again.

With a certain sense of impending doom and not a small measure of resignation, Ren rose from his seat. “Certainly, sir.” He looked around, trying to get a hold of any of the thoughts around him, but they either were just personal ramblings or unhelpful. “Well, if you look at the problem at hand, it is clear that…”

Feeling slightly panicked, Ren’s roaming eyes locked with those of Hux and suddenly he could hear something in his mind, so clear as if it was his own thought.

_Idiot. The answer is so simple. If the deflector shields, power cell banks and additional armament create more heat than the craft can dissipate, simply install an ion-flux system which might help to lower the core temperature to operating levels. The resulting added weight requires reinforcement with layers of alloy bracing though._

He repeated it word for word and as he did so, he could see the look of bored indifference on the other man’s face change to confusion.

“That is brilliant!” the professor called out gleefully. “Thank you very much for your insights, Kylo Ren.”

Ren sat down again, his knees weak with relief. He felt everyone’s attention slowly withdrawing and he allowed himself to relax. He wasn't even sure why he cared about this at all, but somehow it had started getting important to him to not look like a fool in front of his peers.

His peers! Kylo reminded himself that he wasn't like them and they certainly weren't like him. He really needed to get his focus back on his mission instead of clinging to childish ideas of comradery. To emphasize this resolve, he flipped open his datapad and opened one of the files he’d retrieved this morning. It was the personal records of Senior Cadet Armitage Hux. Ren started reading.

He spent the next half hour immersed in Hux’s academic achievements. Unlike his own records, these were genuinely excellent. Hux was top of his class in practically every subject he was enrolled in. Only advanced placement classes, of course. He also received special tutoring in leadership and strategic planning. Quite obviously, his old man had pulled some strings to ensure that Junior would be heading straight towards a brilliant career in the First Order.

The files were woefully devoid of personal information that would have helped to paint a clearer picture of the other man, but that information was probably need to know. Which was a pity, because Ren really, really needed to know. Luckily, he’d thought ahead and made sure he’d been signed up in just about every class that Hux was attending. So sooner or later he’d get a clear read on what was going on in that crimson head of his.

In the second class he shared with Hux, Ren made sure not to get noticed by either the professor or Hux. He didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to the fact that he was seemingly everywhere all of a sudden. Once Ren realized that Hux had little interest in anything else but his own datapad and the occasional comment by one of his followers, he started getting braver and began seating himself closer and closer to the other man.

He didn’t really need to, since he wouldn’t get a clearer read just because he was physically closer. He’d already figured out that Hux’s mind was a lot more difficult to read than he had expected. A fact which actually surprised him, considering he would often hear the other man’s thoughts as if they were his own, yet it seemed to be something he couldn’t influence. It actually made the mystery enshrouding Hux all the more appealing.

Now from his closer position, Ren could take his time exploring the other man. He was very slender, with narrow shoulders and delicate limbs which made him appear so much smaller despite his physical height. Ren knew that under that slight frame he hid a surprising strength and nimble reflexes. In a way, he was perfectly disguised, looking frail and harmless when in fact he could strike to kill.

The hair was one of Hux’s most outstanding features and something Ren couldn’t seem to get enough of. The copper hair glinted in the artificial light of the lecture hall, making it look almost unnaturally red. But Ren knew the hair really did have such a vibrant hue. What he hadn’t noticed before were the many freckles that scattered all over the nape of his neck. They probably were everywhere, Ren thought, his cheeks heating up at the thought. Suddenly he couldn’t think of anything better to do with his time than count every single one of them.

_I can think of about a million things better suited to use my time on than sitting in this class._

Another accidental broadcast. Ren smiled to himself and continued counting.

 

**************************************

 

Ren spent the lunch break in the mess hall together with his roommates. Both hadn’t been his intention, but he had run into Brent in the hall and hadn’t been able to make up an excuse fast enough before he’d been sandwiched by Zevron and Seg and led into the noisy hall.

By now he’d gotten a lot better at filtering out everyone else’s thoughts and only let in those he was interested in. So it came to him as a bit of a surprise that he actually enjoyed spending time with his roommates. Strange as it seemed, he felt like he and Zevron had bonded a little over their conversation the other night, even though the Chiss now acted like his usual aloof self again. But Ren felt like he could understand him a little better now and this had changed his perception of the other cadet.

Daintily, Ren picked up a morsel of his food with the fork and put it into his mouth, surprised at the savory taste. He’d spent a bit more time selecting his food and had found something that was actually passable. He couldn’t actually remember when he’d last truly enjoyed food. It’d always seemed like a necessary act in order to sustain his strength, but not something you could and should enjoy. Not like Snoke spent great care on serving him good food to begin with. It was serviceable and that was more than enough.

It seemed strange to admit it, but Ren was actually having a good time. He enjoyed the food, he didn’t find the company of his roommates to be a terrible nuisance, he even found Brent’s jokes funny and laughed at Seg’s good-natured teasing of Brent’s seemingly endless appetite. Ren found himself wondering if this is what normal young people did. It seemed so bizarre to him, but not entirely unappealing.

His mood received a little damper when Kolt joined them. Ren couldn’t put his finger on it, but he’d been struck by an instant dislike for the other cadet. More than he usually disliked everyone. Maybe it was the utter emptiness of his dumb skull that bored him. It seemed like every thought that did manage to make it to the surface was inane and utterly inconsequential. Like now he was wondering about the results of some sports championship that Ren had never heard of.

There was still time left of their lunch break, so Ren excused himself and left the mess hall to catch some fresh air. He needed to get away from people. He’d just stepped out on the terrace when a tiny junior cadet appeared at his side. Ren hadn’t even noticed his existence before and by the looks of it, this was for the better, because the poor sod looked like he was about to faint from fear.

“What do you want?” he asked, crabbier than intended.

The midget paled visibly. “Er… I… I’m s-supposed to…” he trailed off, searching for words. Ren tried to pick his mind to speed up the process, but his thoughts were all over the place. The cadet took a strengthening breath and then rattled off, “I’m supposed to give you this, please take it, thank you, bye.”

With that, he thrust a little piece of paper into Ren’s hand and scurried off.

Ren looked after him in confusion, then looked at the paper in his hand. It was folded in half. Part of him suspected that this was probably part of another cruel prank and he should just ignore it, but curiosity got the better of him, so he unfolded the paper. The note was handwritten in neat script. “Come today after 7th period to the conservatory at the Hall of Imperial Heroes. Be alone.” Now, that hadn’t changed much. He still felt curious and he still thought this might be a trap. It would probably wiser to ignore this.

He folded the piece of paper and slipped it into his breast pocket. He simply needed to be more careful.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thanks to my friend archgallo for preventing the most embarrassing typos. Find me on tumblr, I'm silversolitaire there (and just about anywhere else, with the occasional . and - and _ thrown in when someone inexplicably took my name. D: How dare you?)


	4. Chapter 4

Shortly after sixth period, Ren started on his way over to the Hall of Imperial Heroes. He’d already scouted out the safest route there during his applied quantum physics class (he was definitely going to kill that registrations officer at his earliest convenience) and now he wanted to make sure he’d arrive there way ahead of time to witness any kinds of preparations that might be taking place.

Arriving at the meeting place a good forty-five minutes earlier, Ren couldn’t help but think that the word “Hall” was a little fancy for this place. It certainly tried to reflect an air of dignity, but it lacked the grandeur and magnificence of the old Imperial constructions that he’d admired so much as a boy. This was clearly the makeshift job of a budding society trying to call on the ghosts of their great forefathers to boost morale. It felt more like a gym than a museum.

At least this made getting an overview of the area a lot easier. Once he’d scouted the surroundings outside, he dared to poke inside, always on his guard. He stopped in surprise when he’d opened the doors soundlessly and slipped inside. The interior of the Hall didn’t match its exterior at all.

The floors were starkly white, clean and polished like they were in the heydays of the Empire. The wall cladding was of similar material, reproducing the perfect impression of being on board of one of those majestic starships that Ren used to dream about as a boy. As he walked slowly across the paneled floor, his shoes making soft clicking noises, he envisioned himself on board of the Executor. Any moment now he’d turn a corner and find Darth Vader standing in front of a command console, observing the galactic battle via the large monitors that gave the perfect impression of grand viewports.

Ren stopped when instead of Vader he found himself face to face with Hux who had clearly heard his approach and turned to him, looking annoyed as usual.

“You’re not very good at following instructions, are you?” he said.

“Not typically,” Ren replied, instantly relaxing as he stepped next to the other man, inspecting what he’d been looking at. It had been the exhibit of one of the great leaders of the Galactic Empire, Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. Ren scanned the tableau detailing his greatest achievements, only mildly interested as he’d already read all of that and more before. “Did you know that Tarkin was born on Eriadu and his lineage goes back to the planet’s earliest settlers?” he asked.

Hux shot him an annoyed glance. “Of course I did. That’s basic knowledge of Imperial history.”

Ren nodded, unperturbed. “And did you know that Tarkin acquired a very useful set of survival skills while growing up on Eriadu which later helped him survive and lead his whole squad to safety when they’d gotten lost in the wilderness of Halcyon following a disagreement with the Jedi heading the mission?” He could sense the hesitation in the other man before he even heard his answer.

“That… is partially new information to me.” The momentary confusion was replaced by the ever present irritation. “Why would you know even something like that?”

Ren shrugged. “It’s a special interest of mine. Everything surrounding the Jedi and Darth Vader.”

“Vader!” Hux laughed sharply. “Figures you’d go for the fairytale wizard.”

Anger shot through Ren before he could stop it. “He’s not a fairytale. He was real and he was powerful.”

“I know he was real, you dunce,” Hux replied impatiently. “But obviously the stories of his feats have been mystified over time, turning him into some kind of larger than life figure. Someone who was able to move things with the power of his mind alone, kill with his thoughts…” He laughed again, adding to Ren’s anger.

“Why am I even talking with you about this?” Hux abruptly changed the subject. “I came here to be alone and to enjoy my favorite place before… well, before you. But I should have anticipated that you wouldn’t be on time.”

“Technically, I was too early,” Ren threw in, feeling sheepish.

“Being too early also constitutes as not being on time.” Hux cast him an accusing look before turning left and walking away from him, suddenly leaving Ren feeling deprived.

He followed Hux down the row of columns, each containing a digital plaque detailing the most important facts of another great figure of the Empire. Every so often, Hux reached out and hovered his hand over the top of the column, activating the holoprojection and making the person come alive in a miniature version of themselves. Ren followed him, as silently as possible.

“There, your boyfriend,” Hux said, a certain edge in his voice, as he activated the ‘projection of Darth Vader. The breath hitched in Ren’s chest for a moment when he watched his grandfather straighten up in a domineering pose, arms against his hips. There hadn’t been a lot of holorecords of him in their old house and definitely not at the Jedi school. So it wasn’t without a degree of excitement that he looked at the miniature version of the man he admired.

It took him a moment to realize that Hux had already moved on, not without scoffing in disgust. Yet he couldn’t tear himself away and he continued looking at the image of Vader, feeling as if he was looking back at him. Then the ‘projection flickered and turned itself off.

When Ren tried to catch up with Hux, he realized the other man had left the museum. He felt a sudden twinge of panic, as if he’d blown something he didn’t even know that it had been important to him. But when he burst through the door that led out of the room, he suddenly found himself in the middle of a conservatory, plants and flowers everywhere around him.

In the center was a small seating arrangement, probably to give the visitors an opportunity to relax in a less humbling atmosphere. To his great relief, Ren found Hux lounging there, one leg thrown casually over his thigh and smoking a cigarette without the slightest regard for the signs that forbade him to do so.

Ren hovered a little by the door, then he gingerly walked over and sat down on the bench next to Hux. He sat there, his hands resting on his thighs and staring ahead into a bunch of nondescript green shrubberies. They sat like that for a while with Ren feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

“What happened to your face?” Hux suddenly broke the silence.

 “Don’t act so innocent.”

Hux cast him a sideway glance, dragging at his cigarette. “I’ve got a good idea where I hit you and it wasn’t your face because I really wanted to wipe that smug smile off of your face and I would have remembered if I had succeeded.”

Ren hesitated, suddenly no longer so sure. “So you’re saying you didn’t tell your cronies to rough me up a little in retaliation for your defeat.”

A humorless laugh exploded from Hux’s chest. “First of all, you didn’t defeat me. It was a draw which you offered and I accepted. Secondly, I haven’t got the faintest idea what you’re talking about. You don’t actually believe any of those half-wits would ever get an idea like this, do you? All they do is follow me around, hoping some of the glamor of Commandant Brendol Hux’s son will eventually rub off on them. I’m surprised they even find the right holes to poke their legs through in the morning when putting on their breeches.”

Ren frowned. He couldn’t read anything but sincerity coming from Hux right now. There was no degree of deception involved. Not even the usual layer of annoyance covering everything he thought. It was more of a mild confusion at his insinuation and the slightly worried question what this might mean.

“So you didn’t send the Commandant’s Cadets after me?”

Now Hux turned to him and looked as if he had suddenly sprouted a horn. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m seriously starting to doubt your grasp on reality. It’s just another one of those tall tales cadets told each other back at Arkanis. I assure you, my father had better things to do than create some secret society undermining the very academy he was in charge of.”

He turned away again, finishing his cigarette, flicked it away and ground it out with the tip of his boot. Then he said, a steely edge in his voice, “So you’re saying you were attacked by someone? If you tell me who it was, I’ll deal with them.”

The offer was both endearing and amusing to Ren. He smiled to himself. “I can deal with them myself. But I appreciate the offer.”

Hux shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a silver case which he flicked open to take another cigarette from it. He offered one to Ren as well but he declined with a shake of his head.

Ren watched Hux put the cigarette to his lips and lighting them with a sparkstick which he then extinguished with a shake of his wrist and flicked away. “You shouldn’t be throwing sparksticks away here,” Ren said before he could stop himself. The withering look he received in reply made his cheeks heat up and he stared back at his hands still resting on his knees.

Just as he was about to ask why exactly he’d been summoned here, Hux spoke up. "Whatever they told you about me, I’m not easy."

Ren blinked a few times, not really sure what they were talking about. "What do you mean?"

Half-turning his head to him, Hux gave him a genuine smile as he let the cigarette smoke curl from the corner of his mouth. "Aren’t you the sweetest,” he mumbled, shaking the ash from his cigarette. “I mean, I’m not a whore."

The word hit Ren like a wall and anger explode in his chest. "Who says that about you?" he asked, more sharply than intended.

Without acknowledging his anger, Hux shrugged. "Everyone,” he said dispassionately. “And they’re probably right. I just find the term distasteful." He’d stopped smoking. Instead, he just looked out into the distance, not really seeing anything.

Ren waited for Hux to continue, but instead the silence stretched on while the cigarette hanging loosely from his fingers burned down slowly. Surprisingly, Ren didn’t consider this silence uncomfortable now. He thought about the names he’d been called in his time and how he never felt like they really described him. "What term do you prefer?" he asked after a while.

Hux took a moment to reply. "I don’t know,” he said eventually. “Never really thought about it. I just enjoy having sex and I don’t think this defines my personality.”

Ren nodded. “I know what you mean.”

White teeth flashed in a smirk. “Do you now.”

Detecting the doubt, Ren suddenly felt compelled to prove to the other man that they shared something. “All my life I’ve been told what I’m supposed to be, what my family name and my legacy demands of me. I was never allowed to take a decision of my own until I was fifteen and then it was considered an act of rebellion which resulted in complete isolation. So yeah, I think I know a thing or two about expectations and failing to live up to them.”

When he finished talking, Ren suddenly felt as if he had said too much and at the same time that he’d said exactly the right thing. That somehow this had forged a connection, different from the connection he had formed with Brent or Zevron.

_This is destiny…_

The thought shot through him, electrifying, lighting up every synapse inside his head, then spilling over into his chest, making his heart beat rapidly in his chest when he realized the thought had been amplified by Hux.

Slowly, Ren turned towards the other man and saw him looking at him, his face so different now. It was open, engaged… interested even. Ren felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

“Tell me more about you,” Hux said softly.

“Okay…” Ren whispered back. “I…” His mind was reeling, trying to grasp at the gossamer strings of his thoughts that suddenly were unravelling inside of him. He wanted to tell something relevant. Something real. But at the same time he knew he couldn’t tell Hux everything. He didn’t really know this man, nor could he anticipate his reaction.

_You can always make him forget_ , a voice at the back of his head reminded him.

“You could say I grew up in a sect. I was taught to think, act and speak like those before me. I was told to control myself and my emotions in order to fit their expectations of what a… of what I should be like.”

Hux was listening intently, not reacting much.

“When I was five, I started studying an arcane art under my uncle who was a master in this lore. But… but I resented him. Them. My whole family for not accepting me for who I was and for not letting me choose my own path. I trained for almost ten years, learning skills that are mostly unheard of these days. And then…” Ren stopped, not sure how to continue.

“What happened then?” Hux prodded, genuinely interested.

“I met another man. That is, he found me. Before that, actually. In a way, he’s always been there with me, for me, for as long as I can think. I hid him from my family, because he was the only one who really understood me. I felt like I could truly be who I wanted to be with him and that he would allow me to grow into the person I was destined to be.”

“Was he your lover?” Hux asked hoarsely.

The thought seemed so utterly absurd to Ren that he felt a giddy laugh bubbling up his throat, but at the same time he knew it would be out of place, so he pushed it aside. “No, not at all. But he was very important to me. Still is.”

“I see.” Was there disappointment in Hux’s voice? Relief? Ren couldn’t tell and his mind was too much in upheaval now to listen to any feedback outside his own. Where had he left off? How should he continue? He lifted a shaky hand and rubbed it over his eyes.

“You should know…” Ren began again after a while. “I was named after a man who was my grandfather’s best friend and who saved my mother’s and my uncle’s life. He was also a grandmaster who was my uncle’s first teacher. He was revered by many.” He swallowed hard. “My grandfather killed him.”

Hux let out a soft sound of surprise.  “And I thought my family was messed up.”

Ren decided to go all in, as much as he was able to. “I… I had a brother, his name was Ben. He tried to be a… a good student. He tried to earn his mother’s and more importantly his father’s love, but soon came to realize that he would never be as important as politics or the lore or adventure or other things. He really wanted to live up to the expectations, but he was weak and useless. I… he died. In a way, I suppose it was me who killed him.”

With a little shock, Ren realized that Hux had put his hand on top of his as it was resting on his thigh again. He’d been crumpling up the fabric of his breeches and now, through the featherlike touch, he felt his hand relax and smoothen against his thigh once again.

As if in a dream, Ren saw Hux lean in, moving closer and closer. Ren’s eyes fluttered shut just a moment before Hux’s lips met his. The brief contact was soft and sweet and so different from the first time they’d kissed. It was a kiss for a kiss’ sake that was never meant to lead to anything more. When it ended, Hux didn’t withdraw completely right away and Ren looked at him, the face only slowly coming into focus.

“Ren and Ben…” Hux said with a small smile. “Now that’s creative.”

The comment took Ren by surprise for a moment, then he laughed softly. An incredible sense of relief flooded him, at having said this, at not being questioned or laughed at, but also at feeling like it was all right. He was glad that Hux hadn’t poked more, since he wasn’t sure how much information he would have been able to volunteer.

“So Ren is your first name then?”

Ren shrugged noncommittally. “It’s the name I go by.”

Hux leaned back into his seat.  “Well, I prefer Hux and I’ll thank you for never calling me by my given name.”

Ren grinned. “I figured as much.”

“My story isn’t as engaging as yours, but I was pretty much named after a general that my father admired. He’s got an exhibit in there. He valiantly fought in the Battle of Tasko’da and he destroyed an entire fleet of Star Destroyers and the rebel scum attacking it along with it, rather than letting it fall into the hands of the enemy. So I suppose if I strain to read something into my namesake, it’s that my father expects me to put the Empire and now the First Order before my own life. Makes sense, actually,” he added darkly.

Slowly, Ren turned his hand around and entwined his fingers with Hux’s. He held his breath for a moment, waiting for the other man to react or reprimand him with a sharp remark, but instead he just let his hand rest in the cradle of his. “Do you think the First Order is worth dying for?” he asked, telling himself that this only served the purpose of gaining information.

Hux stayed silent for a while. Then he exhaled slowly. “It’s order in a world of chaos. All my life I have lived with the legends of the Galactic Empire and how disorder, human shortcomings and a naïve belief in the supernatural have brought it to its knees. I think the galaxy would benefit from more order.”

“And you think you can bring order to the world.” Ren didn’t phrase it as question. He already knew the answer. “You think your natural instinct of leadership and strategy will be the deciding factor on the rebuilding of the Empire.”

The other man cast him a look that others would describe as haughty, but Ren thought that it wasn’t without a trace of pride. "And why shouldn’t I? We all have our talents and need to make the most of it."

So they sat for a while, holding hands without actually being aware of it and enjoying the company of the other one in mutual silence. Ren started tuning into his surroundings, sensing the peacefulness of this place. They were completely alone with each other and with the memories of the glorious days of the Empire.

"So, what are yours?" Hux asked abruptly when Ren had almost slipped into a form of light meditation. His head jerked up as he had been nodding off, but he was fully alert.

"My talents?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Killing.” The answer had just leapt out of him before he had given it any thought. For a panicked moment he thought that he’d ruined this moment that he already knew he’d never forget for the rest of his life. “No, I mean… I’m good at reading people’s minds."

Ren groaned inwardly. Now he’d only made it worse. Now he’d have to erase Hux’s memories for sure. He didn’t want to question the deep sense of loss that tore into his heart at the thought of this.

"I think I preferred killing," Hux said dryly. When Ren dared to look at him, he didn’t see fear or disgust or even mockery. He only saw Hux’s face, open, curious, intently focused on him alone. It seemed like the most precious gift.

“You don’t think this is strange?” Ren breathed.

Hux shrugged. “Many species are emphatic. Like that roommate of yours who constantly tells everyone they’re being too upset or too angry because it disturbs the balance, or something like that.”

“I’m not emphatic,” Ren objected, feeling strangely offended. “It’s different.”

Hux’s eyebrows lifted questioningly. “Is it? Well, then surprise me. Read my mind.”

The open challenge took Ren by surprise. He debated the prudence of this for a moment, but then the need to amaze Hux outweighed his willingness to obey Snoke’s orders and keep a low profile. Without much theatrics, he said, “You’re afraid you’ll never be as good as your father.”

Hux scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That’s hardly impressive. Everyone knows that. That’s what happens when you’re growing up in the shadow of a legend. Try again.”

Carefully, Ren probed some more. The thought that caught his attention made him grin. “You wish I’d stop talking and kiss you again. You’ve never met someone like me and want to sleep with me but at the same time you don’t want to muck it up, so you’re holding yourself back.”

There was the faintest blush on Hux’s cheeks and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Wishful thinking. Also, don’t be so full of yourself.”

Ren knew he was lying, but he let it slide. Feeling the tug of challenge intensify, he lifted his hand and let it hover in front of the other man’s face, just inches away from his forehead. He could feel the soft puffs of Hux’s quickening breath against the palm of his hand and he could sense the other man’s mounting excitement. He felt genuinely interested.

“You…” Ren closed his eyes briefly to focus more intently on Hux’s thoughts. “You feel like you’re destined to rule the galaxy and everyone is just holding you back.”

Hux’s hesitation wavered around him like a diffuse mist. “Better…” he mumbled. “But this could have been an inspired guess. You’ll need to do better than that.”

Ren gritted his teeth and intensified his efforts even more. He started visualizing a long thin dagger that pierced Hux’s forehead right between his eyes, sliding in deep, just like his Master had taught him. He imagined it twisting, extracting the information he wanted. He felt Hux inhale sharply, no doubt feeling the invasion now as it was far from subtle.

Slowly, Ren peeled back the layers of protection and pretense that Hux had erected around himself until he revealed the very center of Hux’s deepest secret. “You…” he pressed deeper. “You don’t really enjoy casual sex. That is, you like the pleasure it gives you and it gives you a short reprieve from the pressure you feel all day. But more importantly, you do it because of the brief moment of physical closeness that comes afterwards, when they collapse on top of you and you can feel their heartbeat next to yours. In fact, you crave it. It reminds you of when your mother held you close, before she abandoned you and sent you away to school.”

With a gasp, Hux pulled away physically, interrupting the mental connection in the process. He jumped up from the chair and stumbled backwards, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Look,” he said, desperately trying to put an edge into his voice. “Whoever told you that is wrong.”

Slowly, Ren rose from his seat as well. “Nobody told me anything. I’ve read it in your mind. I’ve seen it. You remember your mother, standing in a rose garden, surrounded by white roses. She’s wearing a wide, flowy gown and her blonde hair is hanging down loosely from her back. Your father hated seeing her like this. He thought it was vulgar, but you loved her like that because she was soft and smelled like the roses she loved so much. You remember her touches, soft as rose petals, as she brushed your hair back and kissed your forehead. She called you her sun. To this day, roses remind you of her.”

“Stop it!” Hux looked genuinely shaken. “I… I don’t understand this. I’ve never told this to anyone. What kind of trick is this?”

Slowly, Ren shook his head. “No trick. I told you.” Somehow he knew that if he let Hux walk away now, he’d lose something he didn’t even know he had and wanted so desperately.

“But how? How is this possible?”

“I don’t know,” Ren said honestly. “This is just the way it is. I’ve always been like this.”

“Moons of Yavin…” Hux laughed humorlessly, bringing his shaky hands to his face and covering it with them.

Impulsively, Ren walked towards him and pulled him close. He felt Hux stiffen in his embrace, but he didn’t relent. He simply held on until the other man’s body softened and turned pliant within the circle of his arms. Slowly, Hux’s hands dropped from his face, brushed past Ren’s chest and fell to his sides, hanging loosely there.

Ren gently stroked Hux’s back. “I’d hold you, just like that. Without asking anything in return,” he said softly, his voice barely a whisper against Hux’s ear.

“Then hold me,” Hux said fiercely, encasing him in his arms as well and pulling him even closer.

And so they stood, a seemingly endless moment suspended in time, as the minutes ticked away, slowly but surely chipping away the protective shell around them. Eventually, it was Hux who withdrew first and he didn’t meet Ren’s eyes when he finally spoke. “I should go. I’ve got tutoring at eight.”

Ren just nodded as he watched Hux walk away. “I’ll always hold you if you want me to!” he called after Hux when he was almost out of the door of the conservatory. He saw the other man hesitate briefly at the door, then nod curtly before leaving.

 

**************************************

 

The next day, Ren was the first to rise, as usual, but it wasn’t because he’d been fed up with his roommates and needing an escape. He’d been so full of energy that he’d found it impossible to stay contained within his room much longer. When he walked towards the mess hall, he felt his gait having a sort of weightless ease to it, as if he was floating. He was sure others saw it too that his life had changed from one day to the next.

All night long he’d kept on replaying the conversation with Hux in his head, making sure no nuance of it would ever be forgotten. This was something he intended on treasuring for the rest of his life, and even more so, he intended on adding a lot more moments like this to it.

In the mess hall, he glanced around, hoping to see Hux, but all he found was the usual cacophony of sounds and thoughts. He stepped outside on the terrace, but found no trace of the other man there either. When a quick tour through the gardens offered no results either, he slumped his shoulders and walked back into the mess hall dejectedly.

Without his usual aversion, he joined his roommates at their table and started shoveling whatever the kitchen droid had handed him into his mouth without really tasting it. His eyes kept scanning the surroundings.

“You seem different today,” Seg observed after a while.

“I do?” Ren asked innocently without bothering to swallow down first.

Seg’s black eyes were resting on him calmly. Or so he thought at least. You could never be so sure with these Nautolans. Eventually, the scrutiny started to unnerve him and just when he was about to say something, Seg added, “You seem complete.”

That took the wind out of Ren’s sails and he was at a loss for words. He was both startled and annoyed by this observation. Part of him wanted to whoop in joy and agree wholeheartedly, the other wanted to deny everything. Like he was going to admit anything to this tentacled weirdo. So he just shrugged vaguely. “Well, if you figure out why, let me know.”

“I shall,” Seg replied solemnly.

“Guys, have you heard?” That was Kolt, no doubt with another inane piece of gossip for the day. “Apparently there is going to be a surprise test in field combat obstacle course soon.” Okay, so not so inane after all. The idea of testing his skills on that obstacle course intrigued him. He made a mental note to check it out later.

“Where did you find out about that?” Brent asked.

Kolt’s round face twisted into something Ren could only guess was supposed to be coyness and he said, “I’ve got my sources.”

Internally rolling his eyes, Ren dug into Kolt’s nearly empty mind and picked the information right out of it. Overheard in the restroom. Now that was some Grade A reconnaissance work right there. He was tempted to throw the information back at Kolt, but realized in time that this would only raise unnecessary eyebrows.

 Trying to tune him out, Ren instead continued surveying the mess hall. His heart made a sudden leap in his chest when he caught sight of a familiar head of flaming red hair. Realizing that he was probably broadcasting everything to the Nautolan, he clamped down firmly on his excitement and forced himself to remain calm.

Still, he couldn’t finish breakfast fast enough and eventually he’d polished off everything he had on his tray, much to the disappointment of Brent, and jumped up. At his roommates’ startled looks he said, “I just remembered I still need to fetch some things before class. I’ll see you guys around later.”

Shaking a little with barely contained eagerness, he walked towards the tables where Hux was seated with his followers. As he approached, more and more heads started turning towards him, except for the one that he longed for the most. He felt a twinge of doubt tug at the back of his mind.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” a particularly bulky fellow sitting two chairs away from Hux drawled. The resulting snickers made Ren feel a burst of anger, but he pushed it aside as he focused on Hux, his heart still full of hope.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Hux looked up and his eyes were completely devoid of anything. He cast him the same kind of look he’d give a piece of pebble lodged in the sole of his boot just before he’d poke it out with a stick. Boredly, he popped a berry into his mouth and then looked away again. You’d think they’d never even met before.

Confused, Ren reached out for Hux with his mind and caught a distinct and crushing thought, clearly directed at him.

_Go away, you idiot._

Realizing that he must have lingered too long, Ren took a step backwards and collided with the broad chest of someone who’d risen behind him.

“I think you’re at the wrong table, nerf-herder,” the mountain of a cadet growled.

Ren’s focus immediately shifted towards the tall cadet and he already started cataloguing his weaknesses, soon finding the perfect spot to strike him down. He felt his hands tingle with the need to unleash the Force. He could probably crush his windpipe with just a flick of his wrist…

“Stop that nonsense, Botha,” Hux’s voice rang out behind him. “I’m sure that guy can find his way back into his hole without your help. Sit down before the nanny droids get alerted. I want to eat in peace.”

The hurtful remark hit Ren like a bucket of ice water. Suddenly, he was thrown back into the situation he was in and realized with dread that he’d come this close to blowing his cover. He retreated, seemingly with his tail between his legs, but not without receiving one final “accidental” shove by the bastard Hux had called Botha.

As he walked back, his mind slowly returning from its state of disarray, several things clicked into place all at once. Botha had called him a nerf-herder. Granted, this wasn’t a very unique insult, and yet… When he replayed their brief encounter in his mind, he remembered a certain scent he’d caught when his shoulder had collided roughly with Botha’s. Blaster lubricant. He’d smelled this before, two nights ago when he’d been lying in a puddle of his own blood. With a cool smile, he realized he’d just found the first name on his list and soon he’d follow up on that.

When he was almost back at his table, he turned around once more and saw Hux’s cold eyes following him. As soon as Ren locked eyes with him, he turned away. Ren frowned, still contemplating the meaning of this when Zevron appeared next to him. “I didn’t realize there were things at Hux’s table that you needed for class,” he remarked casually.

“Yeah, my mistake.” Suddenly Ren felt as if everyone had seen him make a fool out of himself and the thought made his cheeks heat up in shame and anger. To his great surprise, he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Zevron said. “You’re not the only one who’s been through this and probably not the last one either.”

Maybe this was supposed to make Ren feel better, but it only made him feel more miserable. But he could hardly blame the Chiss for it, so he tried to appreciate the gesture and nodded in acknowledgement before turning to leave everything behind.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late afternoon when Ren returned to campus. He hadn’t felt like attending any of the classes on his schedule, so instead he’d scaled the walls again and used the morning to spar in the woods, practicing his moves and doing the prescribed Force-exercises that he always slacked off on. After he’d felt pleasantly worn out, he’d settled down under a tree and submerged himself in deep meditation, trying to refocus his mind and get himself back on track for his mission. He’d allowed himself to get distracted and that wasn’t good. He wanted to be done with this miserable place as soon as possible and then return to his training with his Master.

He’d hoped to find some guidance in meditation, but instead he’d been greeted with confusing visions, many of which had featured a certain red-haired cadet. Only, he hadn’t been a cadet, but he’d risen in ranks, now sporting the four stripes on the sleeves of his coat which clearly identified him as a general despite his young age. He’d been fierce and powerful, respected and feared, and yet he’d been bowing his head before Snoke who had suddenly been twenty feet tall. And Ren had been at his side, but Hux had looked at him with cold disgust, just like he had done today.

Once he’d returned from this vision, Ren had needed a while to clear his head again, wondering why the Force had shown him a future with a man who clearly hated him, even though they must have known each other for years. He’d decided to meditate on it some more some other time. Now he had to do damage control since he’d been missing for long enough to draw attention, so he had some memories to adjust.

The first recipient of such a treatment was another one of those tiny junior cadets that appeared in his path, nervously thrusting a folded note at him and complaining that they’d been looking for him all afternoon. Ren placed the notion in the cadet’s head that he’d delivered the note right after lunch and then gone about his usual routine without a care in the world.

Only once this was dealt with, did Ren allow himself to feel a twinge of excitement at the thought of the note resting in his pocket. He found a fairly secluded spot near the library and unfolded the paper carefully, smoothing it against his chest first before daring to read it.

“Come to the rose garden tonight at eight. On time.”

Ren recognized the penmanship as Hux’s now and he ordered himself not to feel ridiculously excited, but instead to feel rightfully indignant at being summoned like a footman. He should probably just ignore the note and work on finding out more on the Commandant’s Cadets instead.

He was still arguing with himself when it was a quarter to eight and he entered the garden through the backdoor of the mess hall. Obviously, he was only going there to give Hux a piece of his mind, telling him that he didn’t appreciate being ordered around and that he should stop with the mixed messages and just tell him what was going on. Then he’d tell him that he had no interest in further contact unless it involved the identities of the Commandant’s Cadets whose existence he persistently denied.

By the time he entered the little rose garden where he had first laid eyes on Hux, Ren had gone through a vast variety of scathing remarks he’d have at the ready to throw right into that arrogant face of his. He already felt satisfied just thinking about saying them. But when he finally stopped and looked up, he couldn’t stifle the feeling of disappointment at finding the area empty.

He looked around briefly and found no sign of Hux. So this had just been another mind game of his and he’d fallen for it like the fool he was. Feeling angry and bitter, Ren spun around and got ready to sprint out of the rose garden, only to all but smash into Hux who’d appeared right behind him.

Thanks to his reflexes, Ren avoided a very embarrassing collision that would have sent at least one of them careening to the floor. This however prevented him from putting on the air of nonchalance he’d practiced on so hard. Instead, he must have looked like a tauntaun caught in the headlights of a snowspeeder.

“You’re late and don’t even wait for a minute?” Hux said, accusingly and clearly annoyed.

“I’m late?” Ren said, feeling as dumb as he probably sounded.

Hux thrust his chronograph into his face. “Ten minutes.”

Ren blinked a couple of times, completely stunned. What had taken him so long? “I’m sure I left the Academy in time…” he mumbled sheepishly, suddenly all apologies and zero snide remarks.

“Then I suggest you get your chronograph checked.” With that, Hux walked past him and planted himself on the stone bench in the center of the pavilion.

“I don’t have one,” Ren pointed out in trance, too smitten by the image of Hux surrounded by roses in the reddish evening glow of the setting twin suns.

Hux scoffed. “That certainly explains it.” He performed the practiced motion of flicking open his cigarette case, extracting one with his lips, snapping it shut and lighting the cigarette in one smooth motion. “I’d offer you one, but I suspect you don’t have many vices, except your stupidity perhaps.”

The line could have been hurtful, but for some reason it made Ren smile as he walked towards Hux and stopped in front of him. “In any case, I apologize for my tardiness. I was actually working on ways to tell you just how much of an asshole you are and I suppose I must have lost track of time.”

The glance Hux gave him was full of curiosity. “Did you now. By all means, let’s hear it then.”

“Well, for one, you’re sending out mixed messages constantly. One time you’re kissing me, then you’re hitting me, then you’re inviting me to a stroll in a museum, then you look at me like I’m Bantha shit. I just don’t know what to expect from you anymore.”

Hux released a puff of smoke. “Really, I can’t be held responsible for confusion on account of your own daftness.”

Ren blinked a couple of times. “Excuse me?”

Hux sighed in exasperation. “Do I really need to spell it out for you? Fine. Obviously I can’t be seen with you in public. It would not only look bad for my status, but more importantly, it might bring you back into focus of whoever attacked you. I’ve given it some thought and I think it must be some group loyal to my father, reviving the old Commandant’s Cadets back from Arkanis, who think they’re protecting the family honor of sorts.

“I’ve reviewed the clues that I’ve collected over the past couple of months and it makes a lot of sense. I thought I was merely dealing with some overzealous Imperialistic fanboys, but this is a lot more serious. I just don’t know enough yet to flush them out, and believe me, flush them out I will. I can’t have idiots like that sully my family name. So until then I’m going to be the aloof general’s son and ignore you whenever we meet in public. That way, you’re safe and I don’t have to worry about those idiots doing anything stupid.”

“Oh.” Feeling stunned, Ren let himself drop heavily on the bench next to Hux. His mind couldn’t process the fact that someone was actually worried for his safety and taking measures to ensure it.

“What else?”

“What else?” Ren repeated.

“What else is on your list of ‘Why Hux is an asshole’?”

“Uhm…” His mind refused to release any other information.

“Guess that means I don’t have to worry then.” Hux turned to him and smiled and it made Ren's heart beat faster. “Although I’m surprised you didn’t get this. If you can read minds like you claim you do, I would have expected you to catch on.”

Ren frowned. “You said ‘Go away, you idiot’. How am I supposed to take this?”

Hux grimaced. “This is so strange, having someone else pick up on your thoughts word for word. But you should have listened in a bit longer, because afterwards I thought ‘I’ll explain everything later, just play along for now’.”

Now Ren really felt stupid. He’d just stopped listening after he’d heard that one thought and then he’d been distracted by that meatloaf anyway. He was yanked out of his reverie when he felt a soft brush against his cheek, only realizing too late that it had been Hux pressing a kiss to his face.

“You look adorable when you’re confused,” Hux murmured.

Ren felt like groaning in frustration. “I’m getting mixed messages again. Am I supposed to stay away now, or not?”

“Only when we’re in public, stupid,” Hux said playfully, then he pulled Ren in for a proper kiss that took long enough for Ren to soundly forget everything else he was going to say for the rest of the week.

 

**************************************

 

Ren wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it had been enough for the suns to set and the oversized blueish moon to appear, and for them to relocate from the bench to a soft patch of grass at the side. Ren lay with his back propped up against the trellis, using the Force to keep the thorns of the roses at his back from pricking them.

Cradled against his chest lay Hux, contentedly playing with the buttons of his uniform jacket. Ren never would have thought that he’d ever find joy in wasting time like this, just enjoying someone else’s company and closeness without a need to do anything. Occasionally they traded kisses and chaste touches, but other than that they just stayed silent, listening to the other one breathing.

“I’ve never done this before,” Hux eventually murmured, his hand having wandered up and found a lock of Ren’s hair to play with.

“Messing up someone else’s hair?” Ren teased.

Hux tugged at his hair. “Not that there’s much to mess up, doofus. But no… just this. Lying here without checking the clock to see when I can leave without being overly rude, without worrying whether I’ve performed well, whether I’ve gotten back more than I’ve invested. It’s quite relaxing.”

Wordlessly, Ren gathered the other man in his arms and pulled him closer, leaning in for a searching, soulful kiss that lasted longer than his breath, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t mind dying right there on the spot. The thought alarmed him a little, and he pulled away, panting softly. “Why me?” he gasped.

“I wish I knew…” Hux rubbed his hand gently across his jawline, exploring every inch of it. “I feel this strange gravitation towards you. It echoes in everything you say or do. It feels like…”

“Destiny,” Ren said in time with Hux. They shared an intense look.

“Did you just read my mind or…?”

“I’m feeling it too.” He kissed Hux one more time.

Once they’d separated again, Hux snuggled up close to him and reached in his pocket for his cigarette case. Ren groaned softly. “Must you smoke so much?”

Hux shrugged. “I like it. And it keeps my hands busy.”

Swiftly, Ren snatched away the cigarette case and murmured, “I can think of better ways to use your hands.”

Unfortunately, his attempts at flirting didn’t seem to have the desired result, as Hux merely frowned, looking adorable. “Give me that back, I mean it.”

Ren sighed. “Fine.” He opened his hand and let the cigarette case levitate. It had been a reflex and too late he realized what he’d revealed. It didn’t need Hux’s stunned stare to confirm the magnitude of his gaffe. Gingerly, Hux prodded the cigarette case, watching it sway a little before stabilizing again above Ren’s palm. Ren quickly pulled his hand back and the case fell to the ground with a soft thud.

“How… how did you…” Hux stared at the cigarette case as if it was some dangerous relict from the clone wars.

“I can’t explain it to you,” Ren said defensively.

“Do it again,” Hux said, picking up the case and putting it into Ren’s hand.

Reluctantly, Ren complied, this time letting it float even higher until it was at eye level with Hux who looked at it intently. Ren could literally see the little cogwheels turn inside his mind.

“Is this some kind of force field or gravity manipulator? How do you operate it?” Curiously, Hux turned Ren’s hand around, pushing the sleeve of his shirt back to reveal his wrist.

Suddenly, Ren felt like laughing. Hux had given him an easy way out of this. He could probably just go with that story and place a plausible explanation into the other man’s mind. But at the same time he knew that he didn’t want to lie to Hux about this. He felt that Hux wouldn’t reject him if he knew the truth.

“No,” he said, not without a twinge of pride. “It’s not a force field. It’s… the Force actually.”

Hux blinked. “What force? Gravity? Repulsors?”

Ren chuckled softly. “No… the Force. The energy that connects all living things in the galaxy. I’m force-sensitive and able to manipulate it.”

There was a moment of silence. Then Hux glared at him. “I don’t appreciate being made fun of.”

“But I’m not!”

“Oh, telling me about some ancient magic isn’t making fun of my serious inquiries?”

Ren dropped the case, sat up and captured Hux’s hands in this. “Hux, I’m telling you, the Force is as real as you and me and I swear to you I’m not lying to you. I’d never lie to you…” he added hoarsely.

The slightest flicker of hesitation appeared on Hux’s face.

“I’d prove it to you, if I knew how.”

Hux considered him for a moment, looking genuinely in thought. Then he nodded. “All right. Undress.”

Ren froze. “What?”

“You heard me. Drop your clothes and let me see that you’re not hiding some kind of apparatus somewhere.”

A violent flush appeared on Ren’s cheeks almost instantly. He’d never undressed in front of someone else. He suddenly felt self-conscious. “I can’t,” he mumbled, averting his eyes.

“Why not?” Hux asked, his voice taking on a demanding tone that clearly showed his suspicion. Then he hesitated. “Are you shy?” he blurted out when realization dawned on him.

“Yes,” Ren said quietly, feeling even more embarrassed now.

Hux laughed softly and brushed a lock of his black hair back. “You don’t have to be. I’ve seen tons of naked men before.”

Ren pulled away. “Well, I haven’t.”

“Oh…”

“I should go.” Ren freed himself from the tangle of limbs and tried to get up, but Hux’s weight suddenly resting almost completely on him held him back.

“No, please don’t. I’m sorry,” Hux whispered, clinging to him in an oddly desperate way that seemed so unlike the man he usually showed to the outside world.

Reluctantly, Ren sat back down again. “Either you believe me or you don’t. But I’m not going to humiliate myself in front of you. Ever.” He looked at Hux with fierce determination.

Smiling softly, Hux stroked his cheek. “And you don’t have to. I don’t want the first time you get naked with me to be marred by embarrassment. I’m sorry I even suggested this.”

Slowly, Ren relaxed again, wondering if he perhaps had misjudged the situation. Maybe Hux wasn’t ready to believe just yet. Briefly, he wondered if he needed to wipe Hux’s memory of this particular part of their evening together, worrying at the same time that he might not be able to make the incision delicately enough to preserve things he wanted to remain safely tucked away inside the other man’s head.

Carefully, he sent out tendrils of the Force, probing the other man’s mind to see if he’d be able to access it in a way to make such adjustments. To his great surprise he found Hux’s mind like a large glowing orb, smooth on all sides and impossible to penetrate. Occasionally, a tender wisps of thought unfurled from it that he could brush against, giving him impressions of what Hux was feeling, but never a clear thought. He’d never seen anyone as closely guarded as him. How was this even possible when he sometimes got such a clear reading without even trying? He was still agonizing over this problem when Hux’s softly spoken words interrupted his mental tumult.

“Tell me about the Force,” he whispered.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

And so Ren told him what he knew, trying to make it understandable for an outsider best he could. He told him about the balance, the Light and the Dark, about the mysteries that he probably could read about in library books and yet he felt proud to share them with Hux.

“And you can do all of this?” Hux said, amazement thick in his voice.

Ren laughed softly. “No… I wish I could, but my powers are still lacking. I’m still more powerful than anyone else I’ve met,” he added, not without a sense of pride. “Except for my Master, of course.” He froze, once the words had left his mouth, hoping that Hux had missed them among the wealth of information he’d shared. But of course he had no such luck.

“Your master? So you’re in training still? Where is your master now? And why are you attending Academy while in training?” Hux sat up, excitement filling his voice. He didn’t even realize that Ren hadn’t provided him with any answers. “I get it now! You’re here to study the ways of the normal people, so you can understand them better, blend in and thus hone your skills more specifically. You can’t influence minds you don’t understand, right?”

Ren blinked a couple of times. He still found it hard to get used to the bright little mind that was hiding behind that handsome face. He gave Hux a sheepish smile. “Yes, something like that.”

His blue eyes were on fire now, sparkling with the intensity of his curiosity as he turned towards Ren. “What have you learned so far?”

The question took Ren by surprise and he took a moment to consider it. “Mostly that cadets think about a lot of things, all the time. About classes and tests and interactions with others. They don’t really have their focus where it belongs and this makes them weak.”

“Me too?” Hux asked seriously.

The question made Ren smile. “Actually, with you it’s different.”

“How so?”

He shrugged. “I’ve found it hard to tap into your mind like I do with others. I only ever get impressions of your thoughts, glimpses. Except sometimes…”

“What happens sometimes?” Hux asked with bated breath.

“Sometimes I catch a thought from you and it mirrors exactly what I was thinking. As if we are…”

“One,” Hux completed his sentence.

“Yes.” They stared at each other for a moment, then they both surged forward, grabbing desperately for the other one and locking in a tight embrace.

“I never thought someone like you existed,” Hux whispered against Ren’s ear, making him feel hot all over. “Someone who just knows how I feel and who understands me. This can’t be coincidence.”

“No…” Ren held Hux tightly against his chest, finding a ridiculous joy in having a warm, breathing being so close, feeling his heartbeat next to his, his breath tickle over his skin.

“Show me the Force,” Hux pleaded, pulling away to look at him pleadingly. “I want to know you in a way that nobody else can know you. A way that goes beyond physical or even emotional closeness.”

Ren felt slightly taken aback by the request. “I don’t know how to do that,” he admitted.

“Please try. I know you can.”

Ren nodded reluctantly. Still, he felt Hux’s confidence pour into him like a steady stream of energy, filling him with power. If Hux believed he could, then he would. “All right. Sit up straight, like this.” He directed Hux to kneel in front of him. He sat cross-legged, Hux’s knees touching his shins. Considering the setup for a moment, he added, “Put your hands on your knees.” Hux obeyed. “Good. Now close your eyes and be quiet, no matter what happens.”

Hux nodded in silent acknowledgement and closed his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Ren closed his eyes as well and started to focus. He spread out the calm across them like a blanket, silencing everything around them except for the sounds of their breathing slowing falling into unison. He still felt his body, all heavy and useless, weighing him down. It always started like that. Slowly, he began erasing the lines that made up his body, removing every last barrier between him and the Force until he felt weightless and one with the Force.

Years of practice had enabled him to achieve this state in a moderately short amount of time, but it still took all of his focus to get there. Only when he was in the state of oneness did he allow his mind to wander, tentatively reaching out for another presence. It soon found Hux, the orb of his thoughts still smooth and glowing, but surrounded by chaotic wisps of impatience, wondering what was going on, how long this would take, if he should perhaps just sneak a peek and see what was going on, his nose was itching and it was really annoying, his knees started to hurt and…

With a swipe of his mind, Ren brushed away all those wisps until only the pure essence of Hux’s mind remained. He heard a surprised gasp from the other man who’d felt it too. Carefully, Ren began visualizing his own awareness as a similar orb and he now for the first time noticed that his was made of a dark, soothing red whereas Hux’s had the cool glow of solid ice. He adjusted the size until they were identical. Then, very slowly and cautiously, he approached Hux’s orb, not sure what was going to happen.

At first, both orbs resisted, bouncing against each other like inflated balloons. But then, slowly, the fringes of his orb began to unravel in time with Hux’s and they began to melt into each other. The places where they did, their color merged to a piercingly bright light that hurt his mind a little. Faintly, he was aware of Hux whimpering softly. Still he kept pushing until their orbs became one.

Everything exploded into light and warmth spread out over him like a tidal wave. He felt the tingling sensation of a thousand drops raining down on him and then he reached out, blindly, into the wave and got a hold of Hux’s hands who held onto him for dear life. He pulled and suddenly Hux appeared from the whirl of light, not quite himself, but still him.

His body was translucent, the light moving beneath his skin in small ripples, but he was aware and alert. When he looked up to him, Ren saw the astonishment in his eyes that had remained unchanged. When Ren glanced down to their interlocked hands, he noticed his was made of the same light as Hux. They both were creatures of light in a sea of chaos.

 _What is this?_ He heard Hux in his mind, as clearly as if he had spoken it right into his ear.

 _I’m not sure_ , he admitted. _I’ve never experienced anything like this, but I know it’s safe._

_How can you be so sure?_

_I just feel it. Trust me._

Even in his non-corporal form Hux managed to roll his eyes at him. _If I die from this, I’m coming back to haunt you as a specter._

The idea made Ren laugh and he felt himself lose his grip on whatever this was. _No, stay with me_ , he pleaded, forcing himself to focus again. He interlaced his fingers with Hux’s and sent images the other one’s way, of his training, him scaling walls effortlessly, exercising with his sword, and of him moving objects with the power of his will. Anything he felt might impress Hux and would answer his questions.

Still, he made a conscious effort to edit the images lest he revealed anything that might cause further inquiries. He hoped it worked, since he was way beyond the boundaries of anything he’d ever done before. Yet he felt as if he’d opened a connection to Hux that was permanent now but because the other man was no Force user, he couldn’t make use of it the same way he did. The thought made him feel a bit guilty.

Eventually, he felt his strength wain and he withdrew slowly, making the images disappear. It filled him with a sense of loss to feel Hux’s presence withdraw from his consciousness and he instinctively flexed his fingers, realizing he was holding on to Hux’s hands for real.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and caught sight of Hux, still kneeling with his eyes closed, but floating three inches above the ground, just like he did. Gently, he made them both touch the ground at the same time.

With a gasp, Hux opened his eyes. He lifted a shaking hand to his hair, running his fingers through them, then rubbing his face as if to check that it was indeed still there and he still was in possession of a corporal presence. Ren knew what it felt like, so he gave him the time to return to the here and now.

“That… that was amazing,” Hux said after a while, his voice still far away. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.” Slowly, he focused on Ren. “Was it real?”

Ren nodded. “Yes.”

“So you heard me speak in your mind, just like I heard you?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Can we still do it?”

 _I think so_ , Ren answered in Hux’s mind.

Hux took a shuddering breath. “This is crazy.” He looked around. “For a moment I felt like I was floating.”

Ren just nodded, preferring not to comment.

Shakily, Hux got up, stretching his legs and bringing the life back into his limbs. Ren could feel now that he was craving for a cigarette now, both to calm him and also to make him stop wanting to fidget around. Hux hated fidgeting. But he also worried about putting Ren off with his smoking, so he resisted the urge. That line of thought made Ren feel all warm and fuzzy. Nobody had ever worried about the impression they made on him before.

When Ren got up as well, he could feel his legs hurt and tingle and he briefly wondered how long they had been submerged in meditation. He didn’t have a chronograph, as he’d proven earlier, so he had no idea.

“You’re wondering about the time,” Hux whispered in awe.

Ren nodded, slightly surprised. So the connection wasn’t entirely one-sided.

“It’s just after eleven,” Hux said after checking his chronograph.

Wincing a little at the information, Ren said, “I think we should return to our quarters. The nanny droids will be all over campus already.”

Hux made a disparaging motion. “Don’t worry about them. I’ve got their override codes. Another perk of being old Imperial blood.” And with a sly smile he added, “And for a kiss I’ll give it to you.”

 

**************************************

 

Much later, Ren slipped into his bedroom undetected. The code had worked much faster than tinkering with the droids via the Force. He quickly undressed and slipped into bed.

His lips still tingled from the many kisses he’d exchanged with Hux, but it was nothing in comparison to the tingling he felt all over his body. He hadn’t expected to ever feel this way. Somehow he’d thought he’d lead the ascetic life of a Jedi like Luke had, focusing entirely on improving his grasp on the Force.

It wasn’t really necessary, considering the dark side of the Force drew its power from emotion and passion, and yet he’d lacked the opportunities so far in addition to lacking the motivation. Snoke had insinuated at various occasions that he’d be willing to provide him with someone to relieve him of his sexual tensions, but he’d found the thought so repulsive that he’d always convinced his Master of ignoring that particular aspect of his training for now.

Now, suddenly, the thought wasn’t repulsive at all anymore. The thought of Hux’s body against his made the tingling in his body increase and suddenly he felt so hot that he could barely stand it. It almost came as a surprise when he reached down and found his cock hard and throbbing inside his pants. Still he refrained from touching himself, the old Jedi training too ingrained in him to ignore. Instead, he willed his erection down.

As he focused, images came back to him of Hux pressing himself against him, sighing softly as they kissed. The feeling of Hux’s tongue against his, probing gently. Even though there had been no touches below the waist, this had been the most erotic experience he’d ever had in his life. Groaning, he turned onto his stomach, pressing his erection into the mattress.

 _Are you touching yourself?_ he heard Hux in his mind.

He froze. _No, trying not to, actually._

That bastard actually managed to laugh at him through the Force. _Why?_

_Because I’m surrounded by four snoring cadets perhaps?_

_Oh right, I keep forgetting not everyone gets a single suite._

Ren rolled his eyes in the darkness.

 _Maybe we should have had sex,_ Hux continued.

The mere idea made Ren hot all over again. _No!_

A brief silence. _Why not? It’s certainly very relaxing and would have let me sleep now. I’m touching myself by the way._

Ren groaned and bit into the pillow. _Are you trying to drive me crazy on purpose?_

 _Maybe…_ When Hux didn’t say anything after that, Ren hoped for a brief moment that the other man had fallen asleep or at the very least grown tired of teasing him. But no such luck. _You could go to the bathroom and masturbate_ , he suggested innocently.

Somehow the idea hadn’t occurred to him and Ren felt his groin respond to the idea.

 _I can feel you liking the idea_ , Hux murmured seductively. _Come on, we can jerk off together and then we’ll both be able to sleep. It’s a win-win._

Ren fought a losing battle for a couple more seconds, then he sighed. _Fine, I’m getting up_. He padded into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He debated the best location, then he pushed down his boxers and stepped into the ‘fresher. He turned on the cleaning stream at full blast, hoping it would mask the sounds he’d probably make.

 _Are you doing it now?_ Hux asked, sounding urging.

 _Not yet, I’ve just stepped under the ‘fresher stream._ He paused. _Are you?_

_Yes, I couldn’t wait. The thought of you naked made me really hot._

The thought surprised him a little. _Really?_

_Yes, you knucklehead! I keep imagining what you look like under that tightfitting uniform of yours._

Ren blushed furiously.

 _Is your chest as muscular as your arms?_ Hux asked, need in his voice.

Ren looked down on himself. _I suppose? I never really thought about it._ He brushed his hands over his chest, feeling the taut muscles and veins. _I’m touching my chest right now, it feels okay._

Hux moaned. _Describe it to me_ , he pleaded.

 _Uh… my chest is smooth… pale. There are spots on it, like I have on my face. My chest feels very firm and…_ He rubbed his fingers over his nipples and stifled a moan. _My nipples are getting stiff when I rub them._

 _Oh yes…_ Hux whispered urgently. _What else?_

Feeling encouraged by the reaction, Ren continued. _I’m running my hands down now… there’s a ridge that leads from the center of my chest down to…_

_Where?_

_… my navel._ Ren suppressed a grin when he felt the frustration surge up in Hux. _I have very strong muscles on my stomach. Very pronounced. You can feel every single one of them when you brush your fingertips over them. The veins, too._

_More…_

He brushed his fingers across his stomach, imagining them to be Hux’s. _I’m circling my navel now. It feels very smooth. Water is pooling there. I’m dipping my finger in…_

Hux’s pleasure was so intense that Ren didn’t even need to touch himself to feel at the verge of coming. He was starting to enjoy himself. _I’m lifting the finger and push it between your lips, so you can have a taste._

 _You’re driving me crazy,_ Hux moaned. _I’ve never wanted to lick someone so badly in my entire life._

Heat pooled in Ren’s groin at the thought. _What would you lick?_

_Everything, every last bit of your skin. I want to taste it all. I bet you taste wonderful. Slightly salty and musky…_

Unable to resist any longer, Ren grabbed his cock and started pumping it. _I’m touching myself now,_ he confessed.

_Just now? I’m about to explode…_

_Wait for me…_ Ren begged, stroking himself harder.

_Gods, Ren, do you want to kill me?_

Ren groaned, the muscles on his arm starting to shake. _I’m already close, just thinking about you about to come for me._

_I am… so close…_

_If I was there now, I’d kiss you, I’d drink your moans from your lips…_

_You’re a real poet._

_And I’d touch you, mapping every inch of your body until I can recreate it just by closing my eyes._

_What about my cock?_ Ren could feel Hux unravel, barely holding onto a conscious thought.

_I’d save that for last, until I’m about to come, just like I am now… and then I’d lie down on top of you, kissing you deeply as I rub our cocks together, making you come just through the friction._

He felt the explosion of Hux’s peak as if it was his own. It flooded his body and every cell lit up with the intense pleasure. At the same time, his own cock started twitching and he climaxed so hard he almost blacked out. A strong powerful surge of energy rushed through him and spilled out of him as he came in forceful spurts. He had to hold onto the wall for support when he felt his knees threatening to buckle. He’d jerked off before, but he’d never felt like this.

It took him a while to recover. Judging by the radio silence from Hux, the other man felt the same way. Still breathing heavily, he removed his hand from the ‘fresher wall and slowly took in his surroundings. With a pang of guilt he noticed the crack in the cabin door, as if it had been hit by a burst of energy. Some glass shards were scattered around the floor of the washroom.

Guiltily, he stepped over the mess and started picking up the shards with his bare hands, nicking himself once. Cursing softly, he finished cleaning up and sucked on his finger as he tossed everything into the trash.

 _Wow…_ he heard when he’d just finished. _That was… amazing._

Ren blushed again. _Yes, it was._

 _I’ve never said that twice in one night with the same guy. And I’ve never come this hard from jerking off,_ Hux confessed. _You think it has something to do with the Force?_

 _It could._ Ren considered it for a moment, looking at the wrecked ‘fresher door once more. _I felt like my pleasure was amplified by yours. Did you feel it too?_

_Did I ever. I thought I was going to pass out from pleasure. Good thing I was lying down._

The idea that they both had shared this intense experience made Ren grin like an idiot, despite the side effects. _Are you ready to sleep now?_ he asked as he toweled himself off.

 _Yes… just about._ Hux’s mind felt sluggish already.

 _Well, sleep well then_. He pulled on his boxers, cut the light and sneaked back into the bedroom. No sound except for the even breathing and the melodious snores from Seg. Good. Just as he wrapped himself in his thin blanket, feeling pleasantly sated, he heard Hux again.

 _See me again tomorrow_ , he said sleepily.

 _Okay._ When Ren heard no reply, he added. _I’ll be there._ Then he felt Hux’s consciousness pull away as he fell asleep.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thanks go to my good friend archgallo for catching my mistakes! <3

The next days went by in a blur. Classes were dull as usual, but they still couldn’t make time pass fast enough for Ren who was mostly busy trying to spot Hux somewhere in the crowd of cadets. True to his word, Hux treated him like a complete stranger which Ren found a little worrisome. Somehow the other man always managed to seem completely unfazed, as if it was just a day as any other. The unpleasant thought had appeared in the back of his mind that perhaps to Hux it really was just another day and it was only he who felt as if his world had been rocked at the very core.

Occasionally, they exchanged messages mentally, but most of the time it seemed as if Hux was actively blocking him out. He wasn’t sure why and it didn’t do much to relieve his budding panic about having imagined the close connection he and Hux had shared.

However, when the evening came and went and Ren lay in his bed again, floating on a cloud of pleasant memories from the hours preceding this moment, he felt at ease again and certain that everything was going to be all right.

Still, he always made sure to keep a tight hold on himself and not let his passion get the better of him, like it had that night in the ‘fresher stall. Having to explain the cause for the damage to his roommates and the maintenance droid had been embarrassing enough and it wasn’t an experience he strove to repeat anytime soon. More importantly, he was worried that he might hurt Hux if he was present the next time he lost control.

So he always made sure to keep things chaste between him and Hux, even though he felt the other man’s mounting frustration rolling over him in stronger waves each time he stopped a kiss before it could get too exciting for him. It gave him the reprieve he needed to sort things out, and also to gain a more finely tuned gauge on his response to the increasingly maddening presence of Hux.

At night he lay awake, wrestling with himself and his body to will it into submission and make him stop wanting Hux with such desperate, burning desire. He wasn’t sure what exactly it meant for him, his mission and his training, but he could imagine that it wasn’t good. One night, he even made Seg wake from his agonizing, forcing him to knock the Nautolan out by Force to prevent him from sensing his distress.

And so the days and nights came and went, slowly draining away Ren’s energy and also ability to resist Hux any further. His performance in class was accordingly abysmal. More often than he cared to admit, he was caught not paying attention, because he had been busy mapping the freckles on Hux’s neck. At other times, he made a complete fool out of himself at the board and countless times he couldn’t answer a question directly aimed at him.

During a particularly embarrassing episode, he felt Hux’s concern waver across the room towards him and it made him feel better instantly, knowing that even Hux wasn’t able to stick to his role of the uncaring elitist all the time.

Soon his preoccupation became noticeable to others as well. He found himself needing to fend off Brent more often than usual, constantly being barraged with questions about his wellbeing and if anything was bothering him. Even Zevron began harrowing him with his attempts at conversation, making for a rather uncomfortable and strained situation for both of them.

It didn’t even unnerve him anymore to find Seg’s piercing stare – if you could call it that – on him each time they met, so common an occurrence had it become. Ren never thought he’d see the day where he’d find Kolt’s presence the most comforting since Kolt simply didn’t care one bit about him and was preoccupied with himself. Ren couldn’t quite figure out what the purpose of this interest in him all of a sudden was, but constantly needing to avoid those inquisitions only added to the strain he was under.

It was all the more puzzling when Ren returned after one of his clandestine meetings and found a sandwich sitting on the table in the common room with a note written by Brent. It said, “Since you keep missing dinner, I figured you’d be hungry.” The gesture had both confused and touched Ren and he found himself unable to address it the next day, not really knowing what to say.

When he returned to his quarters the next evening, planning on changing out of his workout clothes quickly before meeting with Hux, he found it fully occupied with his roommates. Brent had taken the center stage, sitting on one of the chairs in the common room, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Zevron was leaning against the sideboard, a thoughtful expression on his face, while Seg was hovering near the bedroom door. Only Kolt was missing. All of them turned their heads and looked directly at him as he entered.

“What’s going on?” Ren asked, wondering for a moment if he should be alarmed.

Brent gave him a pointedly soothing smile which seemed a little comical. “Why don’t you sit down, Ren?”

Torn between curiosity and annoyance, Ren complied, staying on the edge of the seat to make sure he’d be able to get up if the situation demanded it. When nobody said anything, he prompted, “Okay? I’m sitting. What’s up?”

His roommates exchanged a glance. When Brent didn’t speak, Zevron spoke up instead. “We know what’s going on.”

Ren blinked a couple of times, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck. “You do?” he asked tonelessly. This was a nightmare. Now he was going to have to talk openly about something he didn’t even want to admit to himself yet.

Brent nodded seriously. “Your behavior during the past week has made it abundantly clear what you’re up to.”

“And we want it to stop,” Zevron finished.

Blinding fury shot through Ren at the thought of anyone trying to stand in the way between him and Hux. He wouldn’t let them. Unable to speak, he just stared at them.

“I can sense your upheaval,” Seg threw in, walking across the room. “You’ve been teetering between panic and excitement for days now and I can feel it slowly robbing you of your strength.”

The notion gave Ren reason to pause. He’d felt it too, obviously, but hearing it so clearly only added to his feeling of guilt. His Master would be so disappointed in him, if he knew about this. Passion was never supposed to cloud your judgement and weaken you.

“It’s okay,” Brent said soothingly, compassion pouring out of him like an overflowing cup. “We’ve all been there.”

Ren felt another mini-explosion in his chest. The idea alone made him reel. It was bad enough that the Chiss had intimate knowledge of Hux, but Brent, too? And Seg? He felt nauseated all of a sudden and leaned back in his chair, drawing a shuddering breath. “But… but how?” he mumbled.

Brent leaned in and attempted to pat Ren’s hand, but pulled his hand back when Ren withdrew his as if he had been asked to put it into open fire. “We’ve all been rookies, too, remember? And we know how hard it can be for someone from the Outer Rims.”

Things stopped making sense, if they ever had. Ren stared at Brent. “What are you talking about?”

Brent exchanged another infuriating glance with the Chiss before saying, “Zevron has told us about the bullying.” When Ren just stared, he continued. “We know you’ve been having run-ins with the Cadets and that they’ve injured you before. And we know that it’s taking its toll on you.”

Suddenly, Ren felt like laughing. His roommates were worried that he was a victim of bullying? “Guys, you really don’t need to worry about me.”

“But we do,” Brent insisted seriously. “The signs are all there.” He lifted his hand and started counting off. “Your academic performance has dropped noticeably, you keep avoiding places where the others could be such as the mess hall, making you skip meals. You are prone to bouts of unprovoked anger, smash inventory and hurt yourself. You never take part in any extracurricular activities. We know you’re trying to avoid the Cadets because you’re afraid.”

This was starting to get absurd. “I’m not afraid of anyone,” Ren said in a definite tone.

“Of course you’re not!” Brent assured him quickly. Too quickly to sound genuine, Ren found. “We just want you to know that we’re at your side. We’re your friends and we’re not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Before Ren could answer, Zevron added, “If you need our help, just say the word and we’ll be there.”

Ren was torn between feeling touched by this token of friendship so unexpectedly offered to him, and wanting to topple over laughing until his sides hurt. The mere thought of these guys offering their support to him in defense against a group of losers playing secret society was just too amusing.

However, something told him that laughing now probably would have been the wrong reaction in this situation. He cleared his throat. “This is all very kind of you and all, but I really don’t think…”

Brent smiled encouragingly. “It’s okay to ask for help sometimes. We’re always there when you need to talk.”

Resigning to the fact that they probably wouldn’t let this slide anytime soon, Ren chose to simply nod solemnly and say, “That’s… that’s really good to know. Thank you, guys.” This seemed to have done the trick, since this apparently had been the unofficial closing remarks to this gathering and everyone scattered.

Yet, when Ren stepped outside half an hour later, freshly showered and changed, he suddenly found Zevron at his side.

“Can I help you?” he asked the Chiss, feeling genuinely confused.

Unfazed, Zevron replied, “Where are you going? I’m going to walk you there.”

Ren groaned inwardly. He couldn’t very well tell him that he was about to meet with Hux for a couple of hours stolen from their busy schedules to spend kissing, cuddling and talking. As a matter of fact, Zevron probably was the last person on this planet that he wanted to entrust with this. He still felt scandalized at the notion that Zevron knew Hux in a way still denied to him. It was only by grace of his Jedi training that he managed to wrestle down his jealousy and not give in to his childish need to do horrible things to the other man. He meant well, Ren reminded himself.

“You don’t really want to follow me,” Ren said persuasively. “You actually want to take a walk through the gardens, all by yourself.”

Zevron looked at him as if he’d gone crazy. “No, I don’t. Why would I walk around there?”

Obviously, the Chiss’ natural defense against telepathy prevented Ren from accessing his mind that easily to alter his memories. It would require more effort than he was willing to invest right now. Ren sighed. “Fine, I was just about to grab a snack from the vending droid.”

Moodily, he trotted towards the quad.

Half an hour later, he still hadn’t managed to shake his roommate and he was starting to feel frustrated.

_Where are you?_ he heard Hux in his mind, clearly sounding impatient.

_I’m sorry,_ he answered contritely. _My roommates have gotten it into their heads that I need their protection from the bullies that must be tormenting me. I just can’t get rid of them._

_You’re kidding,_ Hux replied.

_I wish I was._ Ren cast a sideway glance at Zevron, half fearing he could overhear them, but the other cadet was busy handling his personal communicator. _So unless you want me to bring Zevron along for our little rendezvous, we’re going to have to postpone._

He hated the mere idea, but he simply needed more time to wear away the Chiss’ defenses.

The long silence from Hux told him that the other man felt the same way. Eventually, Hux spoke again, using his spoiled brat voice. _That’s no good. I want to see you._

Ren felt frustration. _Well, what am I supposed to do?_

Another pause. Then Hux said, _Tell your roommate that you want to study in the library and that he can leave you alone there because there’ll be supervision at the entrance. He’ll be glad to be relieved of his duty and accept this solution readily._

_And then?_

_I’m going to be there of course, you dimwit. Give me twenty minutes._

This was enough incentive Ren needed and he did as he was told. And true to Hux’ prediction, Zevron all but jumped at the chance to ditch him at the entrance of the library and go about his evening without needing to babysit his loser roommate.

Ren had only checked out the library in passing before, not really feeling like there was anything worthwhile to learn there. So it was with a sense of awe when he stepped into the spacious room, past the librarian droid, and took in the tall rows in front of him, filled to the brim with holorecords. There even were ancient leather-bound books with real paper pages and Ren couldn’t resist but to pick one out of the nearest shelf and open it, inspecting it curiously.

He was torn away from his discovery by the not so subtle clearing of a throat. He looked up and saw Hux hovering at the back of the room. As soon as they’d made eye-contact, Hux retreated to his hiding spot.

Quickly, Ren closed the book and hurried towards where he’d seen Hux. He slowed down just before he reached it, walking demonstratively casual. He took the corner and saw Hux sitting at a secluded table, twirling a cigarette between his fingers on the tabletop. He looked annoyed, as usual.

“What’s up?” Ren asked as casually as possible as he leaned against a shelf.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Cut the crap and sit down. I’m cranky because I didn’t have a smoke yet.”

Grinning, Ren slid onto the chair next to him. “Didn’t you have plenty of time to smoke while you were waiting for me?”

Hux shrugged. “It’s not as much fun when you’re not there to judge me for it.” He stopped twirling the cigarette, then pulled Ren in for a quick but passionate kiss. “You’ve been driving me crazy all day,” Hux complained after they’d parted.

“Could have fooled me. You acted like I was about as important as the dried up plant in the lecture hall.” Ren couldn’t help but sound a little reproachful.

Hux made a face. “I had to work really hard to not stare at you all the time. So this was the best I could do.” Slowly, he ran a hand across Ren’s chest which was covered by his uniform, as usual. “I can’t stop thinking about what you’re hiding underneath.”

Ren felt his ears grow hot. He’d let himself get carried away that one night and now he felt embarrassed just thinking about the things he’d said and done.

“I’m dying to see what you really look like instead of what you projected into my head that night,” he continued, still exploring Ren’s body with his restless fingers.

Ren swallowed dryly. “I’m not sure this is the right place for this. It’s bad enough someone might see us together in there.”

The smile that appeared on Hux’s face was both breathtaking and scary. “We don’t have to worry about anyone bothering us, because I used the override code to reprogram the librarian droid into sending everyone out and turning away any new arrivals trying to enter while we’re here. Chances are pretty slim anyway, but you never know.”

This was impressive, no doubt, but Ren wasn’t about to show it. Instead he scoffed and said in his best impression of grandeur, “You know, you could have let me take care of this. I’m quite good at mind-manipulation and I could have made everyone in this building turn around and ignore us. We could be dancing around naked for all they’d care.”

Hux was clearly trying hard to hide a grin and failing miserably. So he wasn’t impressed. Whatever.

“As enticing as the idea is,” Hux said slowly. “I’m afraid there are more pressing matters at hand.” He sighed softly and pulled back his hands. Then he moved away reluctantly, leaned down to retrieve his book bag and plopped it on the table. He pulled out a stack of holorecords, then his datapad and powered it on. “You and I, we’re going to study.”

“What?” Ren stared at Hux in utter confusion. A moment ago his mind had been racing to think of reasons why it wasn’t a good idea to get naked with Hux right there and then, now he was looking at a holoprojection of an Imperial I-Class Star Destroyer slowly rotating.

Ignoring his obvious befuddlement, Hux patted the spot next to him. “Move closer.”

Sheepishly, Ren complied.

“I could sense your distress in class today,” Hux explained. “Obviously you’re struggling with the study load and I’m offering to tutor you.”

“Tutor… me?” Suddenly it all clicked into place. Why had everyone all of a sudden decided that he was their next worthy cause for charity? And yet, thinking about Hux fussing over him, he couldn’t help but smile. “You worry about my grades?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Of course I do, numbskull.” He leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. “Now that I’ve found you, I’m not going to let something like poor academic performance separate us. I want us to graduate at the same time and get stationed on the same ship someday.”

The mere idea made Ren feel all warm inside. He’d never had anyone plan a future with him. He was so touched that he was ready to agree to just about anything. Yet he felt compelled to point out, “You know, I can just fake my way through classes. I’ll simply pick the answers from other people’s brains. No study required.”

The withering look he received from Hux almost made him shrink back. “You mean like you’ve done so far? Because with the exception of the occasional bright moment, you’re academic feats have been far from impressive.”

He had a point, Ren had to admit. Still, the thought made him moody. “I can do better when you’re not distracting me.”

“Don’t be a dummy.” Hux bopped him in the shoulder. “You know your method is only a temporary fix. You can’t do that when you’re standing on a bridge of a Star Destroyer someday, commanding your fleets. You must have that knowledge present in your head then. And I’m going to put it there.”

For a moment, Ren allowed himself to dwell on this image. He, standing there at the viewport of a massive Star Destroyer, watching the battle going on between the First Order TIE fighters and the rebel scum, with Hux by his side, dressed as the general he’d seen in his vision. They’d discuss tactics; Hux would suggest the perfect strategy to crush the Resistance’s pitiful attempt of attacking their defense system. It would be glorious.

“All right,” he said.

An hour and a half later, Ren had developed a throbbing headache and he couldn’t be so sure that he wasn’t feeling some of Hux’s as well. It filled him with regret, and not a small measure of shame, to see the exasperation on the other man’s face. He should have known better.

“I’m sorry,” he said contritely, rubbing his temples for the umpteenth time as if he could force his brain to work better that way. “I’m just stupid. I’m not very good at this kind of stuff.”

“You’re not stupid,” Hux said appeasingly. “You’re just better suited for the more… physical aspects of the military career.”

“So now you’re calling me a meathead,” Ren commented dryly, not really sure whether he should be flattered or insulted.

Hux groaned. “No, that’s not it and you know it. You’re just too focused on the wrong aspects. You’re not seeing the whole picture.”

Ren shrugged. “You know it’s true. Everyone thinks I’m an idiot.”

Hux made a disparaging gesture. “They think that about everyone.”

Despite the headache, Ren smiled. “No, they think you’re a genius.”

“Nonsense. How would you know…” The look on Hux’s face was adorable when he realized how pointless his objection was. It was soon replaced by an equally adorable look of reluctant pride. “Do they now? What are they thinking?” he asked casually even though it was clear that he was burning to know.

“Well, they think you’re the best engineer the Academy has seen. Your professors are jealous of the assignments you hand in and are planning to copy it for their own work. The folks in Imperial history summarily hate you for your perfect memory of even the most inconsequential facts and your peers in Advanced Strategy have stopped trying because they know they’re always going to get upstaged by you, whether you actively try to or not.”

Hux was clearly tickled pink by this, but he tried hard not to show it. “Well, you’re going to surprise them with your knowledge, too,” he said with conviction.

Ren wasn’t so easily convinced, but for Hux’s sake he was willing to try. Minutes passed as he watched Hux pour over the holorecords, looking for ways to make him understand even the basics of Applied Military Strategies. But Ren had never been good at this sort of stuff. He was more of a hands-on-approach kind of guy. Who needed a strategy when you could use the Force?

“I’ve got it!” Hux suddenly exclaimed, looking at him excitedly. Somewhere down the hall, the librarian droid made a sound reminiscent of a shush and Hux bit his lips to prevent himself from laughing.

A lot softer, he said, “Let’s do what we did that first night.” At Ren’s shocked expression, he made a face and added, “Not that. The Force thing we did before. Can you open another connection like that? It should be easier now, no?”

“I suppose so…” Tentatively, he reached out and let his hand hover inches in front of Hux’s face. He felt his fingers tingle when the connection grew stronger. The vision of the merging orbs came almost immediately and they both drew a shuddering breath when the meld was complete.

_Good_ , Hux said in his mind. _Now look at this._ He made images appear in his mind. Construction drawings, formulas, pictures of battles, maps, maneuver drawings, endless amounts of data, ranged out in columns floating by. At first, it was overwhelming and Ren felt the urge to pull back, but he sensed Hux’s insistence and so he forced himself to endure.

_Look at it._ Hux urged. _Really see it._

And he saw. Suddenly, Ren saw the order in the apparent chaos. It was Hux’s presence, guiding him through it, making connections appear in bright blue strings, pulling facts together and eliminating others. Soon, a whole web of knowledge was lit up before him and he could reach into it, spin it around, pull it up to huge size and minimize it again at the flick of a wrist, and observe it from all angles.

_I can see now…_ Ren said in awe. _I understand what you mean._

“Good,” Hux said out loud. “And now show me.” He picked up his datapad again and opened a file from their text book of Advanced Military Strategy. A miniature version of a space battle appeared in front of them with little spaceships zooming around, clearly marked by color according to their alliances. “Which strategy would you say is most feasible in a situation like this?”

It didn’t take Ren long to come up with a reply. “Obviously you first fire a broadside from the turbolaser turrets to break formation of the attacking X-wing starfighter squadron, then take out strays with the ion cannons. Meanwhile, deploy TIE-fighters which launch proton torpedoes at intervals to force the remaining X-wings to move towards the hull where the ventral cannons deal the final blow.”

Once the answer had left his mouth, Ren stared at Hux in disbelief. Hux returned his look with growing enthusiasm before exclaiming excitedly, “That’s exactly right!” Another shush from the librarian droid. “See?” Hux whispered. “I knew you had it in you, you just had to be able to access it without distraction.”

Ren grunted in surprise when Hux’s body collided with his in an enthusiastic hug which soon turned into a passionate kiss. He kissed him back with abandon, only realizing now how much he’d been starved for the other man’s touch. It was intoxicating to him and he felt like he could never get enough from it, like it was some expensive drug.

A sound made him half-open his eyes without breaking the kiss. A movement caught his attention and he saw several of those ancient tomes on the top shelf shaking as if an invisible force was tugging at them. Too late he realized that he was that force and he’d lost control over himself once again.

The heavy books started tumbling down, pulling others with them. With only a split second to react, Ren pulled Hux under his body, covering him with his bulk while he yanked one hand up to stop the books from crushing them. Most of them obeyed and stayed suspended in mid-air, some just inches away from his head, while others crashed into the floor next to them.

The librarian droid started bleeping in outrage and set itself into motion, barreling towards them. Quickly, Ren pulled Hux aside and let the rest of the books down gently to avoid further noise. Then the droid came round the corner, buzzing and beeping.

“The shelf, it collapsed,” Ren said breathlessly, pointing at the books that had clearly come from the top shelf. “We managed to avoid being hit by sheer luck.”

The droid zoomed in on them, then the shelves and the books. Then it started collecting the heavy hardcovers, inspecting them before hovering to the top shelf and replacing them to their rightful place.

Only now Ren had the chance to turn to Hux who looked surprised and a little pale. “Are you okay?”

Hux nodded. “Yes, yes, I am. But what the fuck happened?”

“You heard me,” Ren replied grimly. “The shelf collapsed.”

Hux looked up to the shelf which looked perfectly fine. “And you stopped the books from falling on us with your hands?”

“Something like that. Let’s go.” He tugged Hux away from the bustling droid, barely giving him time to clear away his own books. “We should go back to our rooms now. Separately.”

If Hux was disappointed by this, he didn’t show it. He simply nodded and slung his bag over his shoulder. He stopped at the exit, getting ready to say something, but was surprised by someone standing right in front of them.

Ren hadn’t noticed the figure either, having been too preoccupied with his own thoughts. When he did look, he saw that it was Kolt, standing there, clutching his personal communicator in his hands and looking just as surprised as they were.

“Kolt! What are you doing here?” he asked, a little angrier than intended.

The other cadet’s pudgy face flushed beet red. “Uh, I… I’m…”

Ren groaned. “Are you here to escort me back to our place?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really need to talk to Brent about this. This is ridiculous.”

Kolt almost looked comical in his attempts to find a decent reply. Eventually, he just nodded and said, “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing here.”

“Well, I don’t need you of all people to look after me. I can take care of myself.” The frustration he felt made him careless. Suddenly, all Ren could think about was that he’d be stuck walking back to his quarters with Kolt instead of exchanging some last words with Hux and then he’d have to go another day without it. It was all Kolt’s fault.

Ren realized that he was getting a lot angrier at that notion than he should be. And this kind of anger made him cruel. “I’d rather be beaten up by a dozen more thugs than entertain the notion that there is anything you could do for me with that empty, useless head of yours.”

“Ren…” he heard Hux say behind him, cautioning and confused.

“And you know what’s really funny? I can say all these things and more and then I can just reach into your stupid head and tear it right out of there again, because you’re that simple.”

Kolt took a surprised step back, holding the communicator against his chest like a shield, as if it could do anything against him.

With a cruel laugh, Ren thrust out his hand and made Kolt freeze. The other cadet’s eyes widened in surprise and fear when he realized he was rendered motionless. “See? I can protect myself just fine. I only chose not to because I couldn’t be bothered.”

“Ren!” Hux’s voice was a lot sharper now. “What exactly it is that you want to accomplish?”

“I’m tired of this,” Ren ground out, still retaining Kolt in his invisible hold. “Always hiding, hiding who I am, hiding what I can do, hiding what I feel.” He turned his head to look at Hux, seeing the same surprise he felt mirror on the other man’s face. “I want to shout it out to everyone that you are mine and I’m the only one who gets to kiss and touch you.”

A quick smile brushed over Hux’s lips before he caught himself. “Ren, we’ve talked about this. It’s better this way. We can discuss in private some other time, okay? Just release that poor little turd before you kill him.”

With a resigned sigh, Ren loosened his hold on Kolt who stumbled backwards, brushing his hand over his chest and throat as if to find proof of what had just held him.

“What about him now?” Hux asked as he stepped next to Ren, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Instead of an answer, Ren waved his hand, making Kolt collapse to the floor as if someone had pulled the plug on him. He lay there, almost comical in a distorted pile of limbs and Ren didn’t feel the least bit sorry for him, even though he knew that Kolt didn’t really deserve any blame. His communicator had slid from his hands when he’d dropped, cracking its screen on the tiled floor. Ren stepped a little closer to the unconscious man and let his hand hover just a moment longer for good measure, making sure to erase everything that had happened the past hour or so. Then he turned to Hux, still feeling grim.

“Did you mean it?” Hux asked softly, almost carefully.

“Which part.”

“The part about wanting me for you alone.”

Ren blushed, suddenly faced with the things he said in anger. Typically, people never lived to ask those questions. “I often say things without thinking when I’m upset.”

An odd expression crept across Hux’s lips. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t mean them, do you?”

A shrug was the only reply Ren could muster up. He didn’t really know what he was feeling.

“Listen, Ren,” Hux said carefully, measuredly. “I’m not really sure if this is… my thing.”

Feeling a sense of dread settle on his shoulders, Ren slowly turned towards Hux. “Your thing?”

Hux made a vague gesture with his hand. “You know… this exclusive thing. You being the only one who gets to touch and kiss me.”

The dread intensified. “I’m not?”

Hux looked miserable. “Ren, I’ve been doing this for a while now and it’s always felt good. I’m still getting used to all of this. I can’t just stop from one day to the next. I have needs, too.” He straightened himself, as if to convince himself most of all. “And you’re not exactly forthcoming when it comes to seeing to those needs.”

Dread turned to anger, only it wasn’t the red-hot, burning anger that he usually felt. It was quiet and cold. So cold. A shiver went through his body. “I apologize if I’m not ‘forthcoming’ enough.”

Hux groaned. “That’s not what I mean! It’s just… I just don’t know what I want! Can’t you understand that?”

“I understand that you want others.” When he got no reply, Ren laughed softly, bitterly. “When have you had time for that anyway? I was under the impression we’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

“We are!” Hux said quickly. “And I haven’t!” He shrugged in defeat. “I just want options.”

“Well, far be it from me to limit your options,” Ren said and turned to leave. He felt a pain unlike anything he’d ever felt before. I couldn’t really identify it, but he wished it was broken bones or torn flesh because then he’d know how to make the pain stop. To his great dismay, he realized his vision was getting blurry as he took the first steps away from Hux.

“Please don’t go…” Hux voice sounded hollow and cracked.

Ren stopped reluctantly, not turning around or answering.

“I’m scared…”

The sense of being lost was so great in Hux’s voice that it made Ren want to whirl around and pull the other man into his arms. But he simply couldn’t. He felt as if any kind of physical contact would push him over the edge now. “What you said about us serving on the same ship one day. How does that work out with your ‘options’?” He’d said that last word with more vitriol than intended, yet it perfectly mirrored what he felt.

The moment of silence stretched out. Finally, Hux said, “I don’t know. But I want it. More than anything else in the world.”

Now Ren felt the right kind of anger again in order to spin around and face the other man. “Well, you want it, but I have seen it. I have caught glimpses of the future of us, side by side, crushing anyone in our path. I have seen you wield the power of a thousand suns. And you’re telling me you don’t know?”

Hux stared at him in confusion. When he continued to do so, Ren realized with a surging sense of loss that this was the end. Maybe just of their conversation or maybe of more. He’d find that out eventually, but not today. Without another word, he turned to leave.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. I was really struggling with this chapter and the next. Not even sure why. But I've finally cracked the case, so to speak, so the posting should be more regular again! I simply need to get through some more things before I can get to the really good parts! :D;
> 
> Sorry about that!

 

The next day, Ren couldn’t muster up the strength to leave his bed. When Brent came to check on him, he simply turned away, facing the wall and drowning out everything by submerging himself in meditation. A med droid arrived and took his vitals, diagnosing acute depressive episode and fatigue syndrome and confined him to bed for the rest of day, something he’d been planning on doing anyway.

Once left to his own devices, the thoughts in his head kept spinning, making the silence seem unbearable. He attempted to leave his bed then, but found that he really felt too weak to even walk across the room to use the lavatory. So instead he submerged himself in deep meditation. The visions it brought him were puzzling and tormenting, as they featured Hux, older and angrier, looking at him with cold eyes full of disdain. He looked like a man older than his years who felt nothing but hatred for him.

When Ren rose from the meditation with a gasp, he found a sandwich sitting on the bedside table. He ignored it and attempted to sleep instead. He was awoken by Hux’s attempts of reaching out to him with his mind. The attempts were clumsy and unpracticed and so it was easy for Ren to shut him out.

Later that day, his roommates returned and milled around him, adding to his feeling of irritation. When asked, Ren assured them that he was fine and he’d be back to normal tomorrow. He meant it. He wasn’t going to let this cost him another day. He desperately wished for his Master’s guidance.

The thought of his Master poured over him like a bucket of ice water. How much time had passed since their last talk? He’d completely lost track of time and hadn’t spared a moment’s thought on his Master and worst of all, his mission.

He must have paled visibly, because Brent asked him if he was feeling okay, his face full of compassion. Ren warded him off by pleading exhaustion, then he hid under his covers until the bedroom turned quiet and everyone had gone to bed.

He had no idea how late it was when he finally threw off his covers and slipped out of bed in one graceful motion. Digging up the communicator from the bottom of his trunk, he thrust it in his pocket and hurried to the clearing in the woods which had served him well before as a secluded spot to make contact with his Master.

The connection took unusually long to establish and Ren began worrying that perhaps this was his Master’s punishment for his delay. But before these thoughts could get out of hand, the holoprojection ray flickered and Snoke appeared.

“Master!” Ren breathed in immense relief when he saw the familiar, albeit miniaturized features.

“Kylo Ren.” Snoke sounded impassive which often wasn’t a good sign. “What have you got to report?”

Ren couldn’t help it, he felt the irrepressible need to justify himself. “Master, I apologize for my tardiness,” he mumbled, head lowered. “I have been preoccupied with things and not keeping track of time. If my lateness has caused any complications, I will take full responsibility for…”

“Quiet,” Snoke interrupted him. “This information isn’t new to me. I have sensed your disturbance days ago and reached out to you via our bond to investigate. I know exactly what has kept you preoccupied.”

Ren lowered his head even further, hoping to hide the panic on his face. Snoke knew! This thought echoed in his head until this was all he could think of.

“While it is true that in order to fully develop your skills you must also learn to deal with your physical urges, you know I do find it distasteful and I must reprimand you for letting it occupy your thoughts and actions to such an extent. If you had let me instruct you properly while under my care at the citadel, you wouldn’t have struggled so much.”

Not daring to feel relief, Ren tilted his head in acknowledgement. “You’re right, Master. I still have a lot to learn from you.”

Snoke looked at him for a moment, as if to consider what to say next. Then he said, “Yes, you do, young apprentice. But it is the way of the Force to make us learn certain things by ourselves. Some wisdom must be acquired and cannot be passed on through instruction. You too will learn this lesson soon enough.”

Ren listened with bated breath, still afraid to say the wrong thing.

“Some lesser evolved people need regular physical release,” Snoke continued. “It caters to our basic needs, but the way of the Force teaches us to deny ourselves these needs to grow stronger. You too have learned this, Kylo Ren. Have you been practicing self-discipline, displaying temperance in victuals and rest?”

“Yes, Master,” Ren replied with conviction. True, it had been more of a byproduct of being preoccupied with other things, but it filled him with a certain sense of pride that apparently these elements had been so ingrained in his consciousness that he had done so automatically.

“Very good. Then perhaps this will be a good opportunity to practice moderation with lust as well. However, you cannot find moderation in something you have never experienced.”

A treacherous heat crept up the back of his neck. So maybe Snoke didn’t exactly know everything. “Do you suggest I find a lover?” Ren asked straight out.

Snoke twisted his face into a sneer. “If you must put it this way, yes. The Jedi believe in restraining your physical needs to focus entirely on the Force, but the Sith have always known it to be true that in order to harness the Force to its full extent, you must embrace passion and use it to your advantage. Carnal pleasures release great amounts of energy. The Sith knew this, which is why they encouraged lovers to enter a battle side by side. But passion also holds a risk as it might exceed its usefulness and cloud your judgement.”

Silence followed Snoke’s answer which Ren was reluctant to interrupt. He knew his Master well enough to feel when Snoke hadn’t said everything he had to say on this matter yet and talking too soon always resulted in angering him.

True to his instinct, Snoke suddenly raised a finger and continued. “You, my young apprentice, have the ability to wield both the light and the dark side of the Force, so you must exercise special care what to focus on in your training. You may benefit from focusing on the physical aspects more for now, if you have the right candidate.”

Immediately, Hux came to mind, but Ren pushed the thought far away. Still he needed to know. “In this case, I require your guidance, Master. I have come to notice strange happenings whenever I…” He felt embarrassed to talk to Snoke about this, but he needed to know. “Whenever I experienced carnal desire.”

Snoke didn’t seem surprised. “What kind of happenings?”

“Mostly me losing control over the Force. Objects moving, breaking…”

“Ah.” Snoke nodded slowly. “You never were good at controlling yourself when under emotional strain. While this is a liability for most, for you it is your strength. Your untamable passion makes you a formidable foe and strong with the dark side of the Force. Embrace this power and you will learn to wield it.”

This answer was more puzzling than informative, but Ren had come to accept that this was probably the clearest answer he could expect from his Master. He nodded, determined to find meaning in this reply later during meditation. “Thank you, Master. I shall strive to improve myself.”

“But heed this warning, Kylo Ren.”

Ren froze.

“Emotional attachment is your weakness. Only when you manage to free yourself completely from those who hold you back, will you find true greatness. Be prepared for this.”

Ren swallowed dryly and nodded.

Apparently for Snoke this part of the conversation was over and he moved on to the next subject. “Now tell me about your progress so far.”

His mind raced, trying to come up with something he could tell his Master to satisfy him, and latched onto the first thing that came to his mind. “It is my assessment that the majority of the cadets in this school will not pose a threat to you seizing power.”

Snoke steepled his fingers. “Elaborate.”

“Well…” Ren thought about it for a moment. “For one, they are mostly preoccupied with good performance. This is all they strive for. And they worry about it, and the lack thereof. They desire guidance and a strong leader to tell them the way. They make the perfect officers, really. They desire order in a world of chaos, repulsed by the chaotic structures of the new Republic.”

“Good, good.” Snoke nodded contentedly. “Anything else?”

Ren thought about the Commandant’s Cadets. “Some however consider themselves superior to others and they gang up on those they perceive to be weaker to weed them out. Those might be a problem to get under control as they operate outside a proper chain of command.”

“Yes, I see. I assume you’ve been trying to infiltrate them, Kylo Ren?”

Ren made a face. “Not quite. Apparently they have pegged me as a weak link.”

“You?” The single word boomed through the silence of the clearing and almost sounded like a laugh to Ren’s ears. “Their instincts must be severely underdeveloped.”

The veiled praise made Ren grin and he hid it quickly. “You’re probably right, Master. But it’s also because I was laying low by your orders, up to a certain point that is.” If he had truly lain low, he never would have made Hux’s acquaintance, he realized.

Snoke nodded slowly. “I see. So it’s probably too late now to try to join their ranks. In this case, the best approach will be to antagonize them openly and flush them out of hiding. Do that and find out more about their principles. If you deem them a threat, eliminated them.”

Ren nodded grimly, secretly pleased at having given the green light to kill all of them.

“Anything else?”

Considering the question for a moment, Ren decided to bring up another thing that had been on his mind all day, hoping for his Master’s guidance. “Yes, there is, actually,” he said reluctantly. At Snoke’s gesture, he continued. “The people I share quarters with, they have drawn the same conclusions as the Cadets. Only, they think I require their protection.”

“It only shows how well you are playing your part, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said dismissively.

“Yes, that may well be, but… I don’t understand their motivations. They say they want to protect me from the Cadets and support me, so I can perform well at the Academy. Why would they care?”

Snoke had been listening intently, something that he always did when Ren spoke and it made him feel like an equal, as if he mattered. Often, his Master didn’t say things he liked, but at least Ren knew they were meant for him alone. Now his Master nodded slowly. Then he said, “It is futile to question their motives.”

This answer didn’t satisfy Ren. “But perhaps it means that they are… my friends?” he offered hopefully, the concept still feeling so foreign to him.

“Friends!” Snoke spat this would out like an insult. “You’re not like them and they will never be like you. You’re a wolf among sheep and though you may wrap yourself in sheepskin, one day you will cast it off and bare your fangs. Don’t make the mistake of fraternizing with the cattle.”

Ren clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “They’re not cattle,” he replied stubbornly.

The silence that followed made Ren worried that he’d overstepped a boundary. When Snoke’s voice rose, it sounded steely. “Be wary of attachments, young apprentice. They weaken you. One day you must sever them and prove that you truly are capable of the greatness the prophecy has foretold.”

Announcements such as these used to fill him with pride and a sense of anticipation, but now Ren couldn’t help but feel the bitter taste of loneliness. “Yes, Master,” he ground out anyway.

Ignoring his tone, Snoke said, “Continue your investigation, Kylo Ren, and contact me when there have been new developments. Of any kind.” Without waiting for a reply, Snoke’s transmission cut out.

Those final words made Ren’s ears ring with shame. Was he supposed to find someone to sleep with and then promptly report back to Snoke about this? Somehow the only person that came to mind over and over again was Hux and then it didn’t feel right to simply treat it as a physical exercise. And even worse, Ren knew that if it was to happen, he wouldn’t want to share it with anyone. Snoke most of all. The mere thought was revolting. But perhaps it was exactly this overtly emotional response that he had to get under control.

With a lot of things to consider, Ren headed back to the dormitory. As he weaved his way through the bushes, he noticed a pair walking side by side near the rose garden. His instincts kicked in and he immediately knew one of them was Hux, even before the other man froze and turned around. Their eyes met across the distance and even though Hux was too far away, Ren could sense the other man’s dismay.

Ren felt the crack inside his chest widen as he stared at the two cadets in the distance. Then he forced himself to spin around and leave the gardens in deliberate strides.

 

**************************************

 

The next day marked a new beginning. Or at least it was supposed to, because Ren felt full of confidence that today was the day when everything would be different and he’d finally make progress on the mission and he wouldn’t waste a single thought on Hux and whatever he chose to do with others whenever he wasn’t around. It was none of his business and he was a fool to think that he should make it his. Snoke was right. He was a wolf among sheep and he had to keep that in mind.

And yet, when he was marched to the mess hall by his roommates, he couldn’t help but secretly let his gaze wander, trying to spot Hux somewhere in the crowd of cadets. And there still was the undeniable twinge of disappointment when he didn’t spot the familiar head of copper hair that he knew was surprisingly soft to touch and that gave off just the faintest scent of new leather and essence of roses.

During classes, he of course was fully focused on everything that happened at the holoboard and he absolutely did not scan row after row in vain, trying to find Hux and getting increasingly worried as he failed to do so. Instead, he tried to pick out cadets that he assumed were part of the Commandant’s Cadets, searched for them in Botha’s closer circle. Certainly Hux was a possible candidate as well, but Ren had believed him when he had professed his ignorance.

He was looking for cadets who radiated a certain sense of superiority, as if they were better than the rest. He’d only pulled this assessment of the Cadets out of his ass to be able to report something back to Snoke, but now when he thought more about it, he had to agree that this probably was mostly accurate. Slowly, but steadily, he added names to the list of people to investigate. The next step would be trying to get close enough to them to get a good read on their minds.

This chance presented itself to him when he stood in line at the food counter waiting to be issued his rations. Seg stood next to him, taking his babysitting task very seriously, scanning the crowd around them as if someone was going to pounce at him unexpectedly. And this was almost the case when Botha and a group of cadets, no Hux, pushed past them to get in front of the line.

Feeling annoyed at this as a matter of principle, even though he didn’t even feel like eating, Ren discretely put one leg out, watching Botha trip over it promptly and fall face first into the stack of trays which went down with an ear deafening clutter, taking the bulky cadet along with them. Immediately, the mess hall was deathly silent, nobody daring to speak as Botha first scrambled to his hands and knees, then shot upright, his face flushed bright red with fury. He was on Ren in an instant, seizing him by the lapels of his jacket.

“You must have a death wish, nerf-herder,” he spat out, so close to Ren’s face that he could smell his stale breath.

Ren returned his glance coolly, seemingly unfazed by being lifted up by his collar and only standing on the tips of his toes. “I suppose it’s hard to string words together all by yourself when you can’t follow in Hux’s footsteps,” he said.

A muted gasp went through the captivated onlookers and excited whispers spread the information to the other end of the mess hall. It took a moment to saturate the crowd, and then one by one chuckles and snickers rose above the silence.

The gloating ridicule levelled towards him didn’t remain hidden from Botha, who flushed an even deeper shade of red as he looked around. When he finally directed his attention to Ren again, there was an undeniable twinge of panic on his face, carefully masked by anger.

At the same time, Seg stepped forward, looking ready to start a fight with Botha and his gang. To prevent that, Ren grudgingly backpedaled a little. “That was an accident. Let go of me,” he complained half-heartedly, knowing full well that it would sound fake to everyone else.

Slowly, Botha released Ren, clearly calling his bluff. He patted Ren’s chest roughly, as if to straighten out his uniform, then he gripped his shoulder in a painful hold. “You’ll regret this,” Botha murmured close to his ear. “With Hux gone, there’s no one to stop me from destroying you.” With that, he pushed him back roughly.

Ren watched the group walk off, throwing murderous glances at him, probably because of his antics having cost them their lunch. But he only half noticed them, because Botha’s last words were still ringing in his ears. Hux was gone? Where to? He should have known something was amiss when he wasn’t able to spot him anywhere. He felt betrayed at not having been told about this, but then he remembered how they’d parted and wondered if perhaps this had played into it.

There was no use racking his brain over it now. He’d have to deal with it later. For now, he felt accomplished and even a little smug at having gotten that bully’s attention so easily without the least bit of effort. It was only now that he realized Seg was watching him intently. Ren cleared his throat, “What an idiot,” he mumbled.

“Yes…” Seg replied non-commitally. “I sensed a greater disturbance coming from you when Botha made a remark about Hux being gone than when he was manhandling you,” Seg mentioned, his voice neutral.

Ren sighed inwardly. Empaths were so annoying. “That’s odd,” he replied, carefully guarding his thoughts. “Why would that bother me?”

“Yes, why would it…” Leaving it at that, Seg picked up a tray from the ground and went back into the line.

Ren had all but lost his appetite, but he knew if he left now, he’d force Seg to follow him, pointless as it was, and although he normally wouldn’t care about something like this, he didn’t want to stop his roommate from having lunch. So he resigned himself to going through the motions of getting lunch and picking at it while his friends, no, his roommates were chatting about inane events of the day.

During this agonizingly long period of time, Ren noticed Kolt looking at him a couple of times, but diverting his eyes each time he saw Ren looking his way. It made Ren wonder if perhaps he’d messed something up during the memory erase.

Just to be sure, he prodded at Kolt’s mind, carefully maneuvering past the frazzles of stupidity that were floating around in that head of his. He saw images of that Twi’lek singer, some results of some sports event he didn’t know, some thoughts about homework…

An image flickered past him that made him pause. He tried to catch it again, but it was moving away too quickly with the other man’s thoughts being all over the place. Gritting his teeth, he tried to pry some more, acutely aware of the risk he was taking, since this kind of invasion was less than subtle. He drew closer to the image and was so close to making it out, features slowly solidifying in front of him…

“Guys!”

Brent bumped into him, immediately making him lose contact. He groaned in frustration and turned towards his roommate. “What?” he snapped with slightly more irritation than necessary.

Unfazed, Brent continued. “Remember that rumor Kolt heard last week?” When nobody reacted, he helpfully supplied, “The surprise test in field combat obstacle course? It’s happening today!”

That got everyone’s attention. “What else have you heard?” Zevron asked, clearly interested.

“Just that it’s going to happen after sixth period, attendance is mandatory, and it’s going to be tougher than last time.” His face scrunched up. “Oh, and a failing grade will result in demotion and mandatory repetition of term.”

“What?” Kolt said, clearly worried. “Isn’t that a bit harsh?”

Brent shrugged. “We’re elite, are we not? At least nobody is going to be kicked out.”

“Unless you’re a late transfer,” Seg said gravely.

Ren felt all eyes turn to him. “What?”

Brent and Seg exchanged a glance. “New arrivals failing their first obstacle course are discharged immediately, by Commandant’s orders.”

“Oh, okay.” Ren wasn’t worried at all. First of all, he didn’t have any stakes in this, secondly, he wasn’t going to fail. Yet, Brent put a compassionate hand on his shoulder anyway.

“You don’t have to worry about this. We’ll pull through this together as a team,” he said insistently.

“Yeah, that’s great,” Ren replied absent-mindedly, still somewhat preoccupied by the notion that Hux was missing.

Brent smiled encouragingly. “You can do it!”

 

**************************************

 

True to Brent’s prediction, sixth period ended fifteen minutes early and everyone was instructed to change into their workout clothes and gather at the arena. There, they were informed about the surprise combat obstacle course, which really was a surprise to no one.

As instructed, they formed groups of five and then awaited further instructions. Of course most went for their rooming constellations with the exceptions of those who were privileged enough to have single rooms. However, those usually were privileged all around and so they had no shortage of people wanting to team up with them.

Once more, Ren verified that Hux was nowhere to be seen and his concern grew. Sure, they hadn’t separated on the best of terms and Ren had cut off all of Hux’s attempts at reaching out to him yesterday, and yet it seemed oddly wrong that Hux would have left without a word. For whatever reason.

A dozen options came to his mind, all of which involved outcomes less than desirable to either of them. What if Hux had gotten hurt and he was now incapacitated in the infirmary and nobody knew about it? Or maybe he’d been so annoyed with Ren that he’d decided to leave the Academy altogether. But somehow this didn’t seem like something Hux would do. Same was true for simply sulking and skipping classes. This was an important test, and there was no way that Ren could see Hux missing it on purpose.

No, there was enough cause for concern.

“You don’t need to be worried,” Brent said next to him and Ren was ready to strangle him. He knew that the other man meant well, but the constant cheering on was getting on his nerves.

“Let me be worried. I’ll still manage,” he replied testily, flexing his arms to warm his muscles a little, hoping this would divert Brent’s attention. It worked and he was left alone to finish limbering up for whatever the Academy had in store for them.

It took another fifteen minutes for their combat instructor to finally step up to the communicator and inform them of the rules of this particular combat course. He was a hulking figure of a man, his large frame made even wider by the extra set of arms he’d crossed behind his back as he stood in front of the communicator, back ramrod straight.

“Cadets,” he started, his voice gravelly as if he wasn’t comfortable with using it for anything else but shouting. “The combat obstacle course you’ll be facing today will be unlike anything you have ever encountered before. It will require of you to use a specific set of skills that extends beyond physical fitness.” He stopped and let his gaze move across the rows of cadets listening intently.

Ren frowned, not liking the sound of this. He had been looking forward to an afternoon of mind-emptying physical exercise. He didn’t need any more thinking. He’d gotten more than his share in the past weeks.

“The objective,” the instructor continued, “is to get to the other end of the course within the time limit.” That sounded simple enough, but clearly this wasn’t everything. “You won’t know what the time limit is until you’ve hit it. Hitting the time limit will result in instant failure.”

The murmur that had gone through the audience until then was cut off abruptly. Obviously pleased with the shocked silence that followed this announcement, the instructor went on, “I don’t need to remind you of the importance of this course for your grades. If your average falls beyond the acceptable minimum, you will be expelled. As you all know, Driswen only houses the best cadets of the galaxy and you will have to continue to work hard to earn your place.”

The cadets were still shocked into silence. Ren looked at his roommates who looked equally rattled. Personally, he couldn’t bring himself to care. This was just a station in his life, and a brief one at that.

“There will be a series of physical as well as intellectual challenges for you to master,” the instructor’s voice boomed across the arena. “What they are will be yours to figure out.”

Ren grunted in annoyance. Of course, the obstacle course he was taking part in had to be the one special one that required both brains and brawns. He wasn’t kidding himself. He knew he wasn’t the brightest mind, but he was good at physical tasks. It just figured that the one thing he was sure to shine in was spoiled by yet another mental exercise.

He was so busy feeling sorry for himself, that he almost missed the rest of what the instructor said. “Remember, cadets. Teamwork is important, as is communication. A future officer is only as good as the team he works with, so it is important to remember that.” Ren had to stop his mind from wandering off several times. He already felt bored and they hadn’t even started yet.

 “Don’t forget, only when a team crosses the finishing line complete will it be counted as success. Grades will be given according to the individual times of each team.”

Once they were dismissed, Ren turned towards his roommates who were already chattering excitedly with each other.

“So, it’s confirmed.” Brent pointed out gravely. “Not only Ren is at risk, but everyone with only mediocre grades.”

They exchanged looks and Ren wondered for the first time how everyone else was faring academically. He’d never bothered to find out.

“Will we be okay?” he asked, trying to show that he cared about the wellbeing of everyone on this team. Of course he was misunderstood. Apparently he sucked at social skills. Not that it was a big surprise.

“You won’t get expelled. We won’t let that happen,” Zevron said grimly.

Ren looked around between them, both amazed and taken aback. “Why would you even care about what happens to me?”

Seg shrugged. “You’re our friend now, and friends look out for each other.”

Despite knowing that it shouldn’t matter and telling himself that he didn’t care, Ren felt touched by their announcement. “We won’t fail,” he said with full conviction. Looking around, he felt like they stood a decent chance. The only weak link on their team was Kolt who already looked queasy. Ren didn’t like him very much, but for the sake of the others, he was going to make sure that their team would be the first to cross the finishing line, even if he had to personally lift Kolt over it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply, truly sorry for leaving you all hanging like that. It was a mix of depression, stressful time at work, vacation and having teeny weeny baby kittens that made it quite impossible to finish this chapter. That, and I kept feeling like it was completely awful, but maybe that was the depression talking. Either way, now this big chapter is out of the way and we'll resume with our regular program. I can't promise a chapter a week as I'm now writing in real time speed, plus, my depressive episode still hasn't passed. But at least you're getting an extra big chapter :). I hope you like it.

It took another twenty minutes for them to be called to assemble near the entrance of the obstacle course. Ren hadn’t bothered observing who else was going to compete with them, because with few exceptions, he didn’t know any of the cadets anyway. And it didn’t matter either way. Sadly, his roommates hadn’t felt the same way and so they had taken turns checking on the entrance, discussing their findings and generally driving Ren nuts.

Now he stood in front of the tall door and watched it slide open when the signal rung out, and for the first time in a long while he felt as if he definitely was going to be a huge success. His entire training had prepared him for this. Well, maybe not this exactly, but he could use his skills to the fullest. Or so he hoped…

He was the first to step through the doors and immediately felt around, scouting out the area. Ren didn’t have the slightest qualms to use the Force to its full extent to gain an edge over the others. That way, he knew the entrance area was clear and it was safe for them to proceed.

In fact, the room seemed to be completely devoid of anything physically – or mentally – challenging. It was simply an empty room with a door to enter and one on the exact opposite side to leave through, each requiring the operation of a panel right next to the door. Still, he made a hushing gesture with one finger and waved the others through with his other hand.

Thankfully, his roommates had decided to accept his authority over this matter and didn’t question him when he did the same with the next room as well. It was when they entered the third room that Zevron stepped up to him and whispered, “How can you be so sure that there’s no one else around?”

Ren weighed his options, then replied, “I’ve got a very keen sense of smelling and hearing. Keener than most people’s. I can exclude with almost complete certainty that anyone else is around, except us.”

“Thus the big ears, I assume?” Zevron commented dryly.

Ren was stunned into silence for a moment as he watched the Chiss move to look around. Once he’d gotten over his initial surprise, he started refocusing. This was the third room now that looked completely empty with no other option than pressing forward.

“Something doesn’t seem right,” Zevron mumbled, scanning the walls.

“What do you mean?” Brent asked, joining him in his inspections.

“Why would they make us walk through one room after the other without the slightest challenge? This is an obstacle course, after all. And most importantly, where are the others? What are we missing?”

“I agree.” Seg stepped next to them as well. “I sense distress, and danger. Since I agree with Ren’s assessment that there is nobody around, we need to find the explanation for this.”

“Maybe this place isn’t what it seems,” Kolt pointed out, his back pressed to the wall. He was emanating an air of panic that Ren had to actively tune out to keep from distracting him.

“Let’s go back and check if we missed something in the other room,” Ren suggested. He activated the sliding door and waited for the rest of his team to gather behind him before he stepped through it. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the white cubicle, identical to the other they’d just left.

“What’s wrong?” Brent asked, concern in his voice.

“We haven’t been here before,” Ren murmured, scanning the area for traces of them, but could find none. If he wanted to, he could trace people for hours, locking onto their distinct Force signature and making it appear in front of his eyes like a wispy thread. But he saw nothing here. It wasn’t natural.

“Explain.” Zevron checked out the room, now touching the walls with his hands as if to gain extra information through the contact.

Ren hesitated for a moment. “There should be traces of us. I should be able to feel… to smell Kolt’s fear…” He rolled his eyes at the other cadet who made a noise of outrage at that. “Or Zevron’s arrogance…” The glare he received from the Chiss told him that this probably hadn’t been a good way to put it. Reluctantly, he continued “Or Seg’s serenity…” No objection. “Or Brent’s compassion. They all have their distinct signatures. Scents, if you will. But they’re completely gone. It’s impossible to remove those traces so quickly. It’s like this is a whole new room, but this can’t be since there’s only this one door we entered through.”

His roommates exchanged glances, considering what he’d just said. Then Seg spoke up. “What if it is, though?”

“A new room?” Brent asked.

“Yes. There must be a reason for their strange rules of making us go in at certain times and in certain numbers. What if this place’s layout changes as we walk through it until we solve its puzzle to proceed to the next level?”

“That’s a good point,” Zevron acknowledged. “So chances are we’re not very likely to run into anyone else while we’re still trapped inside here.” Everyone nodded in agreement. “Then it’s simple. Let’s split up and each stand in one of the rooms and see what happens. I’m willing to bet there are five rooms because we are five people, as is everyone else.”

“I don’t like that idea,” Kolt muttered, hugging his body. “We should stay together. That’s what the rules said, didn’t they?”

Ren groaned in annoyance. “If we stay together, then we’ll probably hit the time limit and lose. Is that what you want? Maybe you don’t worry about getting discharged, but a failing grade won’t look good on your record either.”

“No…” Kolt looked positively miserable.

“So let’s do this,” Ren said in a definite tone, giving nobody else the chance to object. “We’ll spread out from here, then one by one we’ll move on to the next room, leaving one of us behind. I’ll be the last to move on, because I can make sure the rooms are clear.” He looked at his team. “Is everyone okay with this?” He didn’t really care but figured it was a nice touch to ask.

When everyone nodded, he pointed at Kolt. “Okay, you stay here and answer when we call out to you. You think you can do that?” Not waiting for Kolt’s answer, he operated the door and walked into the next room. It was also a new one. It really pricked his curiosity how they managed to do this, but he wasn’t going to find that out now.

With a pang of remorse he realized that Hux probably would have figured all of this out by now. But Hux wasn’t here, he didn’t even know where he was and if he was going to see him again… _Focus!_ It felt as if he heard his Master’s voice in his head, but he knew from experience that it was just his training kicking in, forcing him to ignore distracting thoughts. It was quite helpful at times.

“All right, let’s do this.” He wanted to get this over with. He was craving physical exercise, not this kind of bullshit. A glance over his shoulder confirmed that Kolt had indeed followed his order and stayed behind. Seg handled the panel and the door closed. Everyone waited with bated breath for something to occur, a sound, a motion, anything, but they were disappointed.

“Kolt, can you hear us?” Zevron called out.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” was the muffled reply.

“Did anything change?”

“No, not that I can tell. I’m just standing around here.”

They exchanged a look. “Okay, keep doing that!” Zevron shouted.

“Looks like whatever is causing the change of the rooms is triggered by something else than just operating the doors,” Seg said. “Maybe the room needs to be completely empty?”

“Let’s continue and hopefully we’ll find out,” Ren replied.

They proceeded to the next room, this time leaving Brent behind. Again, Brent answered when they called out to him. “Check on Kolt,” Zevron ordered. They heard Brent call out to the other cadet, but after a while he said, “He’s not answering!”

“So whatever keeps happening here has just occurred,” Ren said, frowning. This was all very complicated and confusing and again he wished desperately for Hux by his side to lend his strategic brain to their cause. “We have no other choice but to continue.”

A sudden idea struck him and he turned towards Seg who was calmly waiting for them to proceed. “Seg, you can detect our signature, too, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Can you tell us apart? Like, pinpoint our exact location?”

Seg thought about it for a moment, then he nodded slowly. “I suppose I can. I simply need to attune myself more carefully to the individual person.” He exchanged a quick glance with Zevron who nodded barely noticeably. Apparently encouraged by this, Seg added, “Except for Zevron. He and I have formed a mind connection which allows us to communicate without talking.”

This information didn’t really surprise Ren, as Force-users did this regularly. Yet he realized that he felt the tiniest pang of jealousy, irrational as it was. Reason told him that he couldn’t expect to be as close to them as they were to each other, given the amount of time they’d known each other, yet he felt excluded.

It also dawned on him with increasing clarity that the sudden and strong connection he’d felt to Hux was special indeed. He’d been an idiot for putting conditions on it instead of taking it as it was. The urge to talk to Hux was so strong that he could hardly stand it.

_Hux… if you can hear me… I need to talk to you as soon as I’m out of here_ , he said in his mind, somehow hoping Hux would hear him nonetheless. Of course there was no reply.

He noticed Seg and Zevron looking at him and said quickly, “That… that’s great. We can use this for our advantage, I suppose. Try to focus on Brent as we head to the next room. Is there anything you need to do in preparation for that?”

Seg shook his head. “No, I think I’m good.”

Ren nodded. “Okay, then I suppose you stay behind now?” At the other one’s affirmative nod, he walked over to the next panel and waited for Zevron to appear at his side. “We should find out more soon,” he murmured to the Chiss who nodded curtly.

The door beeped and slid open. Once it closed again behind them, Ren turned towards the door and called, “Seg?”

“I’m here!”

“And Brent?”

“Hold on…”

Ren tapped his hand against the wall impatiently for Seg to speak again.

“He’s not answering,” was the predictable reply.

“Whatever it is, it happens with a delay,” Zevron remarked coolly as he stepped next to Ren. “We probably won’t know more until all of us have split up. Our best bet is to find a way to communicate with each other once the thing happens.”

“Yes, that would be useful, but we don’t have any communicators,” Ren replied testily, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t insult my intelligence,” Zevron said sharply.

Ren shot him a confused look. “What are you even talking about?”

“I know you’re an empath.”

The unreasonable urge to correct Zevron was followed by a brief surge of panic which Ren tried to clamp down hard on. “Don’t be ridiculous, why…”

“Do you think so little of me that you continue to consider me an idiot?” Zevron interrupted him. “I know an empath when I see one, and you need to use this skill now to help us succeed. Can you do that?”

Realizing the futileness of this, Ren dropped all pretenses and he nodded. “Yes, I can. But I can’t connect to you because of your species’ specific mental defense. You’d need to give me access, so I can talk to you.” _Like you gave Seg_ , he added mentally, not without a touch of resentment.

Zevron nodded, obviously having expected that. “In my culture, this isn’t a privilege granted easily. I realize this access is permanent, so I’m taking a considerable risk here.” He hesitated. “But I trust you. Tell me that my trust isn’t misplaced.”

An unknown feeling welled up in his chest and made Ren’s throat constrict. He felt as if he was offered something precious and he wasn’t worth it. He nodded faintly.

“Say it. Say I can trust you,” Zevron demanded.

“You can trust me,” Ren said roughly and meant it.

Content, Zevron nodded and stepped up to him. Ren had to fight the urge to shrink back when the Chiss reached out and grabbed his hands. “Relax, I’m not going to hurt you,” Zevron said with a sneer as he placed Ren’s hands over his temples, then put his own over Ren’s. “You know how a mind union works, don’t you?”

Ren realized he knew very little about other cultures and the way of natural empaths and telepaths. He hated it, but he had to shake his head.

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Zevron said, “I’m going to open up for you now and you have to do your empath thing to connect with me. I hope you know how this works, because I can’t instruct you.”

“I think I can manage,” Ren mumbled.

“Usually this is what lovers do in my culture to seal their union,” Zevron said dispassionately, making Ren squirm uncomfortably nonetheless.

“Well, this is awkward…”

“Don’t be silly, I’m not in love with you,” Zevron scoffed, his red eyes blazing. “I merely figured this was useful information for you.”

“I suppose so…”

“Well, get on with it now, we haven’t got all day,” the Chiss said, cutting short any further discussion.

This was the second time in a week now that Ren was given access to someone else’s thoughts freely and it was just as strange and oddly satisfying as it had been the first time. It was so different from forcing one’s way into another person’s mind and taking what you needed without permission. It had something intimate and tender about it that Ren started to appreciate.

He focused on Zevron’s consciousness as they stood close together. He felt the palms of his hands tingle as he probed carefully, the way he’d been taught to. He felt the other man squirm under his hands as the invasion became tangible.

Again, Ren found a glowing orb that represented Zevron’s consciousness, a deep midnight blue. It made Ren wonder if this is what they looked like when surrendered freely. He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to form the same kind of connection he’d forged with Hux. He didn’t want it to lose its significance and, perhaps more importantly, he didn’t want the Chiss to gain access to his mind. He’d meant it when he’d said that Zevron could trust him, but he still wanted to guard his own secrets.

Experimentally, Ren prodded Zevron’s orb with a tendril of the Force, quite like he would when he’d force his way into someone else’s mind. He imagined it long and thin, penetrating the shell of this orb. In the distance, he heard the other man gasp. Ren let the tendril expand, lodging inside the orb like a fishing hook, forming a permanent, hopefully one-sided connection.

Slowly, Ren withdrew. When he was finished, he felt Zevron slacken under his touch and fall backwards. Ren quickly disconnected himself to catch the Chiss and keep him from falling to the ground.

“Zevron! Are you okay?” he whispered, shaking the other man carefully as he held him cradled against his chest.

Zevron’s blue eyelids fluttered and slowly slid open, revealing his red eyes, now glowing much duller than usual. It was hard to tell by his lack of pupils, but Ren could swear that his eyes were searching around in confusion for a moment before locking onto him.

“Are you okay?” Ren repeated.

Seemingly only realizing now which position they were in, Zevron weakly freed himself from Ren’s embrace and struggled to get up, first sliding to his knees and then dragging himself up while leaning against the wall. When he finally managed, he was panting. “I’m fine,” he ground out.

“What the fuck was that about?” Ren asked, suddenly feeling angry with Zevron for no reason. “Why did you collapse like that?”

“It happens,” Zevron said weakly, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. “My kind isn’t used to such strong telepathy. I must admit, I underestimated your strength. It overwhelmed me for a moment.” Slowly, Zevron returned to normal and he cast Ren a curious, slightly suspicious glance. “I had no idea how strong you are.”

“I know.” Ren chose to ignore the implied question which hung between them as clearly as if it had been spoken out loud. “We can talk about this later, but now there are more pressing matters.”

Zevron nodded, satisfied for now. _Can you read my thoughts now?_ he asked telepathically.

Ren answered with a nod. “Let’s go then,” he said out loud.

“Aren’t you going to check your side of the connection as well?” Zevron asked in his usual deadpan manner.

“It’ll work,” Ren said bluntly.

Shrugging, Zevron walked past him and hit the door panel. When the door slid open, he gestured for Ren to walk through it. “Let’s figure this out then,” he said.

Once the door slid close behind Ren, he took a moment to scan the room. It was the same blank cubicle-like room with a door each on two facing walls. It did seem as if there wasn’t much you could do but to venture onward. But perhaps it was exactly this obviousness that made it a bad choice. He thought about Hux’s inquisitiveness and how he tended to ask the right questions to get to the bottom of something. Perhaps he should too.

_Zevron, can you hear me?_ he asked through their connection. He felt worried for a second when there was no reply, then he heard the Chiss’ sardonic voice in his mind.

_Now you wished you’d checked the connection earlier, didn’t you?_

_You ass_ , Ren answered good-naturedly. _Focus, if you please._

_I can hear you loud and clear. Everything is exactly like it was when you left._

Ren considered this for a moment. _So no sounds, movements, shifting walls, anything?_

_Nothing at all._

_All right._ Ren hesitated, then he said with his normal voice, “Can you hear me now, Zevron?”

“Of course I can, I’m not deaf.” The Chiss’ voice sounded like it came from the room Ren had just left behind which made perfect sense. And yet…

Following an instinct, Ren opened the door he’d just come through and peered into the room. By all accounts, Zevron should be in here, but the room was completely empty. “Zevron?” he called into the previous room and received no answer. Tentatively, he took a step back into the current room and called again. This time he heard the Chiss’ reply.

_This is very strange_ , he told Zevron through their connection. _I just checked the room your voice came from of a moment ago, but it was empty. You didn’t hear me call for you either. When I returned to the room I’m in now, you could hear me again._

_That’s curious indeed. Hold on._ There was a brief moment of silence from the other man, then he said, _Okay, I asked Seg via our connection and he reports the same phenomenon._

Ren mulled the information over in his mind, while at the same time wondering if he now was by extension connected to Seg as well. This was all a little messy and he was glad to have only ever allowed one person into his mind like that. With a sinking feeling of defeat he felt his thoughts orbiting back to Hux yet again, gravitating towards him with a certain inevitability which was beginning to scare him.

Okay, there were two connections, technically, if he counted Snoke as well, but somehow this had felt different. Snoke had just appeared in his mind, all but forcing his way in and taking residence in his thoughts. Hux was the first person he’d willingly and openly invited into his mind and for whom he’d thrown open all doors, revealing all carefully guarded secrets. It was completely different to the connection he’d allowed to establish between him and Zevron which was nothing more than a convenient way of talking to him. His thoughts still remained his own, and vice versa. It was as if they were communicating on different channels.

Different channels… A sudden thought hit him. _I think I’ve got an idea!_ he announced excitedly

_Do share._

_What if this is just an illusion? We’re actually now in separate chambers and we’re not going anywhere, even though they want to make us think that we are. They merely try to confuse us by opening or closing communication channels according to their algorithms._

_Like a holographic chamber, you mean?_

_Yes, exactly!_ Ren felt proud of himself for having come up with this. There, he didn’t need Hux after all. Now he only needed to prove his theory. _Okay, here is what we’re going to do. I want you to walk back one room until you can talk to Seg through the wall. Tell him to do the same and explain this to Brent. If my theory is correct, this should allow us all to communicate with each other again._

_All right, hold on._

Ren waited impatiently for Zevron to talk again. Reason told him that it would take a couple of moments for everyone to be included and brought up to speed with his plan, yet the waiting period made him antsy. He wasn’t a very patient man.

_It worked,_ Zevron finally said.

_Excellent! So everyone has been contacted? Even Kolt?_

_Yes, even him, even though it took a moment longer since apparently he’d already worn himself out panicking._

Ren sneered, not having expected anything different from the pudgy cadet. Returning his focus back on their challenge, he said, _Okay, tell everyone to start counting. Kolt goes first, then Brent falls into whatever number he hears from Kolt, then Seg, then you, then I. At twenty, we all step into the room we’re talking through right now, at twenty-five we’ll open the door on the other side of that room. Let’s see what happens._

Zevron sounded a bit dubious, but he complied. Ren started counting slowly in his head to pass the time until an actual number would appear in his head. When it finally appeared, seventeen, he was only off by two.

He joined Zevron’s counting and at twenty he stepped into the room he’d held open all this time. He crossed that room in long strides and then walked into the next as soon as they’d reached twenty-five.

As soon as he’d stepped into the next room, the walls started flickering, as if a worn-out holorecord was finally giving out. Instinctively, Ren covered his eyes. When he dropped his hand away, he found himself in the center of a large, dark room. The walls had disappeared and he was standing on a dimly-lit platform. He couldn’t see far beyond that platform, but he suspected that the drop was deep.

When his eyes had finally adjusted to the sudden darkness, he looked around and found his roommates standing on similar platforms in the same state of confusion he was in.

“Nobody move!” he yelled as soon as he saw a motion. “The ground probably ends where your platform ends!”

As if on cue, Kolt stumbled and tripped over a ridge on his platform, falling forward and going over the edge. With a surprised yelp, he hung onto the platform, his legs dangling over the abyss.

Everything happened really fast after that. Brent yelled “Kolt!” and made a movement as if wanting to rush to the other one’s help. He was held back by Seg who shouted, “Don’t! I’m right next to him and I can make that leap!” and then jumped an impossibly far distance from his platform to Kolt’s. He bent down and yanked Kolt up easily with one arm. Not much later, they were joined by Zevron who had rushed to Seg’s aid, consequences be damned.

Once everything had calmed down, Ren looked around the now deserted platforms and made a disgruntled sound. “Which part of ‘don’t move’ didn’t you understand?”

Zevron just shrugged. “We needed to help each other.”

“Evidently,” Ren mumbled. “We might have benefited from some planning though.”

“I don’t think we have time for that,” Seg said, checking the chronograph in his pocket. “We’ve spent a lot of time on this. If we don’t get a move on soon, we’ll surely fail.”

“Right.” Unceremoniously, Ren took two large leaps as well and landed smoothly next to the small gathering of roommates. “Then let’s get moving.”

“What about me?” Brent asked, looking anxious to jump.

Rolling his eyes inwardly, Ren jumped to the platform closest to the other cadet and nodded encouragingly. “You can do it. I’ll catch you, if you slip.”

Obviously trusting his promise, Brent jumped towards him and then to the other platform without even needing his assistance. Only went to show that your mindset was a very powerful element when it came to deciding what you could or couldn’t do. Not that Ren hadn’t known that already.

As soon as Ren had arrived on the platform with everyone else, it set itself in motion, slowly spiraling downwards.

“What do you know. Looks like we’ve solved the next puzzle without even trying,” Zevron said dispassionately.

“It’s probably our combined weight.” Brent looked unhappier with every yard the platform went down, probably making him realize just how high up exactly they had been. Eventually, it stopped with a metallic clank and lights went on with a dim flicker, bathing everything in weak light.

Not waiting for the others, Ren jumped off the platform unceremoniously and started scouting around. He was looking at a net of tunnels and corridors, more open than the rooms they had been exploring earlier, but just as confusing. “Another maze,” he mumbled, more to himself than to his teammates.

“Look, there’s a holomessage,” Brent exclaimed as he reached out to touch the activation panel.

Ren turned in time to see the face of their combat instructor appear on the screen. “Excellent work, cadets. You have used teamwork and logical thinking to master the first part of the obstacle course. The time limit is hereby suspended and your objective has changed. In the next part of your challenge, you are required to pass through this section undetected. To figure out the exact terms of this task is up to you. Capture will result in instant failure. The team is still required to cross the finishing line complete. Good luck, cadets.”

Ren almost let out a sigh of relief at the idea of finally getting to do an actual physical challenge. But looking around he could see that nobody else shared his enthusiasm. They all seemed to be in different stages of worry.

“Why do they always have to be so damn vague?” Brent ground out. It seemed out of character for him to lose his usual positive attitude, so Ren felt the urge to assure him and everyone else. He’d make sure they’d be okay. But somehow he knew his words would fall on deaf ears. He needed to show them instead.

“Come on,” he said anyway, gently bumping his roommate’s shoulder like they’d done so many times before in what he hoped would be an encouraging gesture. “We’re a great team. I’m willing to bet others don’t have the combined powers of a Nautolan, a Chiss and… uh…” Ren stopped, unsure how to categorize himself.

“A guy with Bith-like hearing and ears the size of a Gungan’s from the Outer Rim?” Zevron offered.

Ren rolled his eyes at Zevron who flashed him a rare grin. “Okay, I would have preferred another term for me, but this will do. Anyway, we’ll get past this finishing line together, I promise you this. And we should get going, because I still want to leave this place as soon as I can, so I can be back in time for dinner.” He’d hoped the little joke would lighten up the mood and he’d succeeded. Brent grinned and even Kolt looked momentarily distracted.

“I suggest we don’t split up this time,” Zevron noted.

Seg nodded. “I second that motion.”

Ren wasn’t going to do that anyway, but still he said, “Yes, that’s a good idea.” He glanced around the corridor ahead of them and murmured, “Still… let me check ahead first, if you don’t mind. I’ll… listen for anything untoward.”

_Showoff_ , he heard Zevron in his mind and grinned, as he scouted ahead. He only walked a couple of steps into the first corridor ahead of them, then stood perfectly still, sending out the Force to probe.

He could tell that others had been here before, some more successful than others. Someone had gotten injured and had to be taken away by med droids who weren’t that far away. In fact, the whole maze was merely an illusion of being buried deep underground. He could sense others outside, waiting in varying degrees of excitement and despair. Somehow, this disappointed him a little, since it proved that this wasn’t going to be as challenging as he’d hoped.

Remembering his group, he turned around to them and gave them an appeasing gesture, hoping that would stop them from following him right away. He probed further. The room immediately to their right contained various droids which seemed wise to avoid. The room to his left was dark and he couldn’t sense anything else there. That made the first section safe for them to pass.

Ren turned around and motioned for his teammates to follow him. He brought them up to speed quickly and in a hushed voice. He still wasn’t convinced they were truly alone.

“How can you even know all this?” Brent asked, doubt in his voice.

“He just does,” Zevron interrupted him before Ren had a chance to explain. “I trust his judgment unconditionally.”

This seemed to be good enough for Brent and he shrugged. “All right.”

Ren moved forward, keenly aware of his surroundings. As he moved on, he felt different presences, all falling over each other like it was a huge room full of people. Yet he was sure there were none around here. Most likely, the other groups were also down here and the shifting walls were keeping them apart as they had when they had been in the first stage. He had to stop for a moment, forcing himself to refocus and shut out some of the louder voices in his head.

Suddenly an image of Hux came to him, as clear and present as if it was a photograph thrust into his face. It wasn’t a vision of Hux he’d ever seen with his own eyes, sweaty and sated, hair mussed and sticking to the side of his face as he smiled contentedly, like a cat licking the final spots of cream out of a bowl.

Ren froze and shook his head, trying to clear away the image. He cast a surreptitious glance back at Zevron, wondering if perhaps the Chiss had been remembering their encounter at this very inopportune moment, but he couldn’t sense any of that from the other man. It probably was just him, sick with worry and longing.

 Before them, the corridor forked into two different hallways, both pitch black. “Well shit,” he mumbled, looking at both options. Probing with the Force, he couldn’t be sure which one to pick. His focus kept slipping.  “I’m not sure,” he confessed. “I’m sensing a lot of different signatures here.”

“Humans or droids?” Zevron asked softly.

“Could be either. It’s… confusing. I’m really not sure.” The look he received from Zevron made Ren wonder if he wasn’t psychic after all. He often felt as if the Chiss was looking right through him, reading him like an open book. He wasn’t quite sure yet how he felt about that.

“Let me,” Seg interrupted his thoughts and stepped next to Ren, spreading out his arms wide and closing his eyes, as if to listen into the darkness. After a short while he said, “There are five people over there,” pointing at the left corridor.

“Huh, really?” Ren blinked in confusion, feeling just the slightest bit humiliated. “Why haven’t I been able to sense them?”

Seg shrugged. “Perhaps you are distracted?”

Ren wanted to deny this vehemently, but then he had to accept that distraction probably was a constant state of mind since he’d met Hux. “Okay, then let’s take the other one,” he said instead. “We need to move forward, right?”

“I’m not walking into this dark corridor,” Kolt said firmly, suddenly the bravest he’s sounded ever since they’d gotten here. “I’m not crazy!”

Ren tried to hide his reaction best he could, knowing that showing just how much the other cadet annoyed and frustrated him wouldn’t exactly increase his willingness to cooperate. Yet he couldn’t stifle the tiniest groan of disgust as he turned to Kolt.

“I know this is scary, but we’re all here to support and help each other.”

“I don’t care…” Kolt whined and Ren had to force himself to not Force-strangle this pathetic worm on the spot.

“Listen,” he said instead, carefully measuring his tone. “You may not care, but your friends do. They’re all trying their hardest to make sure everyone will complete this challenge with a passing grade. Don’t you think you could contribute at least a little bit?”

“There’s nothing I can do… I just want to leave.”

Ren bit back a curse. “The best thing you can do right now is to just stop being a fucking dead weight and let us move on!”

Before Kolt had a chance to reply, Brent cut it. “It’s okay,” he cooed and put a calming hand on Kolt’s shoulder. “We’ll find a way through here together.”

Kolt made a noise that sounded like a mix between a whimper and a grunt, retreating back to where they’d come from.

Feeling his patience drain rapidly, Ren pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Okay, why don’t you just hang back a little and let us scout out more?” Ren suggested, not really willing to deal with this.

“Is that wise?” Zevron asked softly.

“I don’t care,” Ren barked, not bothering to lower his voice. “All I know is that we’re wasting time here with this!” _Time I could use to find Hux_ , he added mentally, too late realizing that perhaps Zevron might have caught it. A side glance at the Chiss however gave no clue whether he’d heard him or not. Forcing himself to calm down, Ren continued, “I just want to get this over with.”

Zevron nodded quietly. “All right. We’ll wait here while you scout ahead. But stay within earshot, okay?”

Grateful for this support, Ren returned to nod and set off into the dark corridor.

A couple of feet in, he realized that darkness probably was frightening to Force-insensitives. It held many unknowns and if he’d learned anything about the people at Driswen during his stay, then it was that the unknown scared them. They always wanted to know what was ahead of them. Ren on the other hand was used to navigating in complete darkness and silence, only using the Force to guide him through.

He sensed an obstacle in his way before they even came close to knocking into it, circumventing it elegantly. Secretly, he felt pleased with himself and was almost sorry that nobody had been there so see him do this.

“How did you see this?” Zevron suddenly said right behind him and Ren leapt ungracefully and gave a little yelp which he’d of course deny until his dying breath. He turned around and saw the dim glow of two red eyes in the darkness.

“Okay, this is creepy,” he remarked dryly.

“What is?” Zevron sounded utterly clueless.

“Those eyes?” Ren supplied helpfully.

“Oh.” That was the only comment Zevron graced him with. He started looking around, obviously seeing more than Ren did. Eventually he said, “My kind is used to the darkness and we have adapted to it. I figured you could use some help, but looks like you’ve got it covered.”

That final part clearly contained a question which Ren chose to ignore. “I’m fine,” he said slightly defensively instead. “Let’s check for anything that’ll help us.”

“I’m willing to bet this will help,” Zevron said sardonically. A moment later, he flicked a switch and the entire corridor was bathed in glaringly bright light, forcing Ren to cover his eyes.

“Force almighty! A warning would be nice!” Ren complained, his eyes aching.

“What an oddly arcane curse,” Zevron remarked, only now making Ren aware of the language he’d used.

He shrugged in response. “What can I say? I’m a traditionalist at heart.”

Zevron gave him a rare smile. “Had you pegged from the start.”

Ren wasn't sure exactly what he meant, but he quickly assessed that it would be wiser to just allow it to pass without comment. “What do you think?” he asked casually instead, looking around. “Of this place,” he added quickly, just to be sure.

“I don’t know,” Zevron replied, inspecting the smooth white walls of the corridor which was seemingly endless. “I do not trust this. It’s too easy. If I compare this to any of the other obstacle courses we’ve had before, this is literally child’s play.”

“What is different from the other courses?” Ren asked in a mix of curiosity and envy.

Zevron shrugged. “They were… more physical, I suppose? A lot more demanding. Less confusing. And everyone fended for themselves.”

“So, teamwork probably really is a big part of this,” Ren said thoughtfully, wondering to himself when the physical aspects would finally begin, as he was starting to get bored with this. He took a step backwards and too late he realized the clicking sound close to his heel. He watched Zevron whirl around, having heard it too, and a moment later the Chiss rapidly disappeared from his view as the ground gave away beneath him and he slid down a chute.

“Ren!” he heard Zevron shout.

It took Ren a moment to process what exactly was happening and to figure out how to stop it. By the time he had, he’d already reached the end of the chute and went over its edge in one great arc before dropping unceremoniously into a pool.

He came up, spurting water and cursing in all languages he knew.

“Ren!” he heard Zevron shout again, more urgently this time.

“I’m okay!” he yelled back, treading water to stay on the surface. “I’ve fallen into some kind of pool, it seems.”

“A pool?” There was a brief pause, then Zevron cursed roughly and asked, “Can you get to the edge? Do it fast!”

Alerted by the urgency in the Chiss’ voice, Ren looked around. “It’s over there. But why---“

He didn’t get to finish. Something wrapped around his ankle and tugged at him hard, pulling him underwater. Ren kicked at it, trying to free himself, but instead the pull increased. He grasped with his hands for purchase but found none, causing his attempts to turn into helpless flailing as he was pulled further into the depth.

For a panicked moment, Ren realized that there was nothing he could do against this, as he had no idea who his attacker was and where. No skills he possessed, not even the Force, helped him with the rapid waning of his senses as the lack of oxygen burned in his lungs. The only thing he could do was keep himself from drawing that desperate breath of air which would fill his lungs with water and speed up his demise.

The water next to him exploded in ripples as a body crashed through the surface next to him. Lightning-swift, something shot past him and towards the attacker below him. Moments later, the tug at his legs disappeared and inky blackness spilled out from under him in swirling clouds.

With a liberating gasp, Ren broke through the surface and drew air into his burning lungs. Someone’s arms wrapped around him and he was pulled away. He felt too weak to do anything about it. He was dragged over the edge and dropped onto the ground like a wet sack.

“Ren! Ren, can you hear me?” The voice sounded tinny and distant. He was shaken and pulled, but Ren just wanted to rest. It annoyed him that someone would keep him from doing exactly that. When a hand connected with his cheek painfully, he shot upright, ready to throw himself at the assailant.

He stared at his teammates, all wet as rats, panting and looking at him intently. “What the fuck?” Ren shouted, rubbing his burning cheek.

“You’re welcome,” Seg said.

Ren took a moment to really look at the Nautolan and he noticed that his clothes were splattered with the same ink he’d seen in the water and he was holding a knife in his hand. “What happened?”

Brent appeared in his field of vision. “Seg dove after you and chopped off the Krakthar’s tentacles. Otherwise you would have drowned.”

“Good thing I never leave without my knife,” Seg said solemnly as he slid it back into the hidden holster at his calf.

“I remembered a similar challenge in a previous obstacle course,” Zevron explained.

Ren blinked a couple of times, processing this. “You mean to tell me this is a typical challenge for your obstacle courses?”

“Yes and no,” Zevron said. “That time when we had to cross the pool, there actually were platforms to walk on and jump between to avoid the creatures below. And they had divers at the ready, just in case.”

“Yeah…” Brent said and looked around the area. “This doesn’t really look like part of the course. It’s more like… an abandoned part, if you ask me.”

“So what are we doing here then?” Ren asked and stood quickly, only swaying a little when he finally was upright. He looked at his roommates and froze. “Where’s Kolt?”

Brent turned around, then back to Ren, panic written all over his face. “He was behind me when we ran towards the commotion. I must have lost him when we went down the chute!”

“Could he have gone down a different chute?” Zevron looked more annoyed than worried, and it made Ren feel good to know that he wasn’t the only one who felt that Kolt was holding them back.

“He’s not here,” Seg said softly. Everyone stopped their searching and looked at him instead. “I can’t sense him. He’s not here.”

“At all?” Ren asked, incredulously.

Seg just shrugged. “I can’t sense him.”

“Something is going on here… and I’ll be damned if I don’t find out what it is,” Ren mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in particular. He let his gaze wander around the tall, dome-like room they were in and he had to agree with Brent’s assessment that somehow this wasn’t part of the actual challenge. In fact, suddenly a lot of things made sense. Why there had been so little actual challenges, why there seemed to be no one else around.

“I think someone has set us up,” Ren said.

All heads turned to him. “Set up how?” Zevron was the first to ask.

“I don’t think we are supposed to be here and somehow someone has redirected us here.”

“That’s a bit of a far stretch, don’t you think?” Brent said skeptically. “We saw the holo of Coach Barlak, didn’t we?”

“That’s a simple task, hacking into the feed that must be transmitted either way, then relaying it to a different station. It probably isn’t even password protected.”

The words hadn’t even left his mouth yet when Ren already felt amazed at having said them. A month ago he wouldn’t even have understood what it meant and now… With a twinge of pride he realized that Hux’s study techniques had paid off after all.

Judging by his group’s stunned expression, nobody else had expected him to say something like that either. It prompted Ren to put on an even haughtier expression to really milk it for what it’s worth.

“And who do you think would do such a thing?” Seg asked carefully, obviously not very eager to hear the answer.

Ren shrugged. “The Commandant’s Cadets, of course. After my brush-in with them this morning, they must be thirsting for my blood. What easier way to do this than blame it on the arena malfunctioning.” This made a lot of sense, now that he had said it out loud.

“Well, this explanation is as good as any to me,” Zevron said as he stepped next to Ren and put a supporting hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know about you guys, but I know I need to get out of here and I’m not going to let those bastards hurt any of you. So I say we just move on, extra careful this time, and try to make it out in one piece.”

Brent and Seg voiced their agreement and stood at Ren’s side as well. It was a heroic moment, like the ones Ren had watched in those old holorecords his father used to collect. Cue epic score and fade to black, he thought to himself as he appreciated the moment.

“We probably should arm ourselves,” Brent suggested, ruining Ren’s perfect moment.

Ren sighed. “You’re right. Let’s look around. But watch out.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were looking at a pile of rubbish they had retrieved around the area. They’d found a blaster that didn’t work anymore, two large but almost blunt knives, an iron rod, a rusty axe and a chain.

Ren immediately went for the rod, figuring it was the most similar to staff combat. Zevron picked the two knives, wielding both at the same time and brandishing them through the air that made Brent whistle in appreciation. Seg was happy with his own knife, so Brent took the axe with a grimace, the large unwieldy weapon looking almost funny in his hands. When everyone was equipped, Ren grabbed the chain and wound it around his chest, just in case. Then they moved on.

The passage was dark and poorly lit, so Zevron took the lead to guide them through. The further they walked down the abandoned section, the clearer it became that they were not supposed to be here.

“This is so messed up,” Ren said as he retreated from another empty room they’d found along their path. There was nothing but deserted rooms or storage closets containing boxes of props, all covered in a layer of dust. To Seg he said, “Can you sense any other presence?”

Seg shook his head, but it looked more like uncertainty than negation. “I’m not sure what I’m sensing,” he finally admitted. “It’s all very strange.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Ren mumbled. No sooner had these words left his mouth when the whirring and clicking sounds of something approaching rapidly cut through the silence.

“I don’t like this!” Zevron shouted and a moment later a large droid wielding two rotating saw blades came barreling round a corner, speeding towards them. Zevron reacted immediately, spinning around to give his attack more force, before bringing down both blades of his knives onto the operating console of the droid simultaneously. The metal connected with a screech, causing sparks to fly and the droid to shut down with a miserable beep.

They all looked at the smoking pile for a moment in stunned silence.

“I remember those things,” Brent eventually said. “They actually amputated that Senior’s left arm, remember?”

Seg and Zevron nodded absent-mindedly.

“They were supposed to destroy them, because they were too dangerous for training,” Zevron said. “If we’re going to encounter all the hazardous training equipment down here, we’re screwed.”

They made their next acquaintance with reject training equipment when Brent barely avoided getting skewered by three metal prongs suddenly shooting up from the ground. Ren cursed when he realized that his distracted mind could have caused Brent getting seriously injured and he vowed not to let it happen again.

He now took the lead together with Zevron, fully dipping into the Force to explore the area before them. That way he often discovered traps before it was even humanly possible to do so, no doubt drawing suspicions from the Chiss. But he didn’t care. He just wanted them all to be safe.

They rounded another corner and Ren stopped dead in his tracks when he took in the small droid before them, obviously in some state of hibernation mode, but the rapidly blinking lights suggested that it was about to power on.

“Fuck!” Ren ground out and ran towards it. He raised his metal rod high above his head, ready to smash the droid to pieces before it could wake up and trigger any kind of alarm.

“No!”

Ren stopped mid motion and looked at Brent in confusion.

“Don’t destroy the droid,” Brent begged softly.

“What else am I supposed to do?” Ren felt massively frustrated at this moment. He could tell the droid was about to turn on and here he was, arguing with his friend, no, roommate, about the moral implications of destroying droids.

“I don’t know…” Brent lowered his head for a moment, as if ashamed of feeling sorry for a droid. Then he said with more force in his voice, “It’s only doing what its program tells it to.”

“Exactly! And right now this program is telling it to mess us up, most likely!”

The look Brent gave him was full of sadness. “Didn’t you grow up with nanny droids?”

Ren had, in fact, so the thought gave him pause. Thoughts of his childhood invaded his mind, uninvited, of him sitting on the lawn, playing with his toys while a mildly-mannered childrearing and supervision unit, or nanny bot, named MA-6PU was watching over him, playing his favorite songs in a perfect simulation of a hum. Perhaps it was even a voice emulation of his real mother, but he wouldn’t have known as he’d never heard her sing. He connected a lot of fond memories with this unit which he’d always called Emma in his childish inability to get her name right.

He remembered moments when he’d cried, alone in his bed, scared because of the absence of his parents in his house and the presence of Snoke in his head, and it had only been Emma by his side, playing calming songs, projecting soothing images and tiredlessly sitting at his bedside and making sure he was always tugged in properly. This had often been the case with his mother travelling to fulfill the duties her position and obsession demanded, while Solo was out there chasing whatever harebrained idea now caught his and his fuzzy sidekick’s attention…

Realizing he’d gotten a little carried away with his nostalgic brooding, Ren shook his head.

“Just look at it, Ren,” Brent said softly. “It doesn’t look like one of those attack droids. It’s just as lost as we are.”

A moment ago, Ren actually would have considered ignoring Brent’s objection and just smash the droid’s computing unit, just he’d done many times before, but now he hesitated.

Ren groaned and swore under his breath. “This really isn’t the time for sentimentality, but hold on… I’ve got an idea.” Covering the droid with his body from the other’s view, he used the Force to pop open the cover of the droid’s command console. Just like Hux had taught him, he quickly located the code override panel and tried the code that Hux had told him. He felt like whooping in triumph when the droid gave an affirmative chirp, confirming that it had accepted his override command. The droid came to life and started awaiting orders.

“What the fuck did you do?” Zevron asked, apparently too surprised to maintain his usual aloof composure.

Unable to suppress a smug grin, Ren turned to his group and said, “I hacked into the droid’s system and overrode its command to detect and report us.”

As if on cue, the little droid powered on with a tweeter of sounds, its optical unit unfocussed at first, then zooming in on them with a happy chirp.

“It is now in fact ready to receive our orders.”

The stunned looks on everyone’s faces were worth the agonizing hours he’d spent studying with Hux. The thought of the ginger-haired cadet dampened his feeling of triumph a little, but before he could dwell on it, Brent jumped at him and slapped his shoulder enthusiastically in a gesture that Ren now recognized as friendly.

“That’s amazing!” Brent called out, slapping his shoulder again, this time hard enough it actually hurt. “I can’t believe you managed to do that! Just… wow!”

Even though Ren knew this wasn’t a big deal, he still felt a little proud at his team’s obvious amazement. But mostly, it made him feel awkward as it continued, so he rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Well, I could tell it was important to you.”

Brent paused and nodded seriously. “It is. Thank you.”

Before Ren could suffer the embarrassment of needing to reply to this, the droid demanded their attention with a more urgent series of beeps.

“Okay, what is this, do we have a pet now?” Zevron asked.

The droid replied with a beeping noise which prompted Brent to chuckle. At everyone’s confused look he explained, “He asked why the blue one is so grumpy.”

That caused Seg to grin and Zevron’s expression to darken. “And where exactly did you pick up binary,” he asked instead of an answer.

Brent shrugged. “My father thought it’d be good to be able to communicate with droids without the help of a translator to speed up processes. He’s always had my future career as an officer in mind.”

Zevron scoffed. “Always prepared. Well, tell that tin bucket to stop holding us back.”

The droid answered with an indignant beep.

“He said you’re the one holding us back.”

With an increasingly darkening expression, the Chiss said in a definite tone, “He definitely isn’t going to stay with us.” At the droids chirping, he asked, “What did he… never mind, I don’t want to know.” With that, he stalked off, leaving everyone to follow him in various stages of amusement.

As they ventured on, they had to disarm several droids and two more traps before they could cause any serious damage. The droid actually proved to be a useful asset, alerting them to traps before they could pose a problem while not triggering them himself. Eventually, even Zevron had to admit to that.

“I’ve been thinking,” Seg said quietly to Ren as they maneuvered through the maze cautiously.

“About?” Ren was only mildly interested.

“I’ve heard rumors. Of trials being held among the Commandant’s Cadets to weed out the weak and the useless. At least in their opinion. Supposedly, it was even encouraged to kill others who weren’t strong enough to fight back.”

“Okay?” Ren’s curiosity was piqued now.

“I’ve picked up whispers here and there of them perfecting their trials by building some sort of elaborate survival course which really is about life and death.”

“So, kind of like this, you mean?”

Seg nodded gravely. “Exactly.” He made a gesture towards everything in general. “I’m not sure how they’d manage to do this without being inofficially-officially sanctioned. A lot of this equipment is from previous training exercises. This would definitely require help in the higher circles.”

Ren frowned. The idea of this being a much bigger affair than he’d originally thought troubled him. “That*s… disconcerting. And definitely something that needs further investigation.” He was more determined than ever to end the Cadets’ activities once and for all.

Further conversation was silenced when they arrived at the edge of a deep chasm.

“Uh, okay, what now?” Brent said, looking at them anxiously over his shoulder.

“We cross it,” Zevron replied matter-of-factly.

“That’s… that’s a really bad idea,” Brent mumbled as he backed away from the edge, bumping into the droid attached to his heels in the process. “Maybe we’re going into the wrong direction altogether. Have you thought about that?”

Ren didn’t even need to use the Force to sense the other one’s fear. It was quite evident that he was afraid of heights, simply by the way he’d visibly paled at the idea of crossing the chasm and the look of sheer panic on his face. Ren felt like he should say something to alleviate his roommate’s fears, but he was at a loss. He wasn’t used to caring about the way others felt.

“I have a superior sense of direction,” Seg replied instead. “I can sense we’re going the right way as we’ve been continually moving away from the entrance.”

“I agree,” Ren chimed in, sensing the exit quite clearly on the other side himself.

With a sound of exasperation, Brent threw up his arms. “Well, great! Then by all means, lead the way.” He backed off some more and crossed his arms defiantly.

Thoughtfully, Ren stepped closer to the chasm and peered down. It was again one of those seemingly bottomless pits. For testing, he kicked a pebble down and listened to the sound of it hitting the ground. It didn’t come. “Wonderful…” he mumbled as he walked a bit away from the group, further down along the edge.

His glance fell on a construction below the edge, previously obscured from view until he’d approached. He kneeled down to take a closer look. He was looking at some sort of cable winch, connecting the other side of the chasm via a thick cable. Dangling from the rusty hoist was the end of the rope that could be used to operate the cable.

After a brief check over his shoulder to make sure nobody was watching him, Ren reached out with his hand and called the end of the rope to his hand. He tugged at it hard to make it unstick from whatever it was caught on, causing the entire construction to give off a rusty creak.

This caught everyone’s attention and they walked towards him to inspect his finding.

“Oh fuck, I remember this…” Brent said as soon as he’d arrived. “It’s this ropeway they once used in agility training.” He made a miserable sound. “Why would they install it here?”

“Whatever reasons they had, it’s our ticket out of here,” Zevron said as he kneeled down next to Ren. “Think we can make it work for us?”

Ren tugged at it again, listening to the creaks that didn’t do much to boost his confidence. It seemed foolhardy to try putting weight on this, yet he knew going back wasn’t an option either. “Actually,” Ren said thoughtfully, “I assume this is supposed to make one of us cross the chasm and then see what’s on the other side. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a lever or something that would release a bridge once the chasm has been cleared.”

“That… actually sounds reasonable,” Zevron replied. “So, who’s going?”

The feedback from everyone else suggested a severe dislike for this idea. It almost made Ren grin. “I’ll go,” he said and got up, wiping his hands on his pants which were still wet from his previous adventure.

“Are you sure?” Zevron whispered to him, out of everyone’s earshot. “I’m not keen on it, but I can go, too. My vision is better.”

“Your concern warms my heart, but I’ve got this.” Before thinking about it, Ren bopped Zevron on his shoulder and he stopped for a moment, surprised at his own action. When had he become comfortable with touching other people? He couldn’t tell.

Without further delay, Ren started operating the winch, watching with mounting concern the dinky excuse for a transportation device approach. The car was no more than a board swinging from two chains that weren’t exactly inspiring confidence.

“Well, at least those are chains,” Zevron pointed out dryly as everyone inspected the contraption in silent horror.

“Right,” Ren said, more cheerfully than he felt. “Let’s do this then.”

With the help of the others, he first tested the swing for stability, then carefully lowered himself onto it. Even though he felt confident to be able to use to Force to help him through this, Ren couldn’t quite fight back the tingle of fear starting at the bottom of his spine, crawling up into his intestines as he felt his legs dangle over the bottomless pit.

_You can do this… you’ll be fine,_ he told himself as he nodded at Zevron and Brent to start turning the winch again. With another mournful groan, the car set itself in motion.

Ren closed his eyes and called upon the Force to guide him. Despite his closed eyes, the passage lit up before him in softly glowing lines. He saw the cable he was moving along and he focused on the chains of his car to stabilize them and reduce their swinging to a minimum. Just to be sure, he used a good measure of the Force to support himself and make sure he didn’t put undue stress on the rickety hinges of the car. Doing all of this made him feel calm instantly and he saw no reason to worry about making it across safely. He could foresee his progress and it was satisfying.

Eventually, the car docked at the other side and he opened his eyes again, not bothering to hide his effortless exit out of the car as he propelled himself across the edge. Immediately, he turned around and waved at the others who were straining to see if he was okay.

“Everything’s fine,” he called over to them. “I’m going to check around now.”

After a cursory search, he’d found no sign of a mechanism to enable passage of his teammates to the other side. He checked all the places that seemed to make sense, but none of them gleaned any satisfying results. He intensified his efforts, but still came up with a blank.

Eventually, he threw a helpless glance back to his team, indicating that he was at a loss. He noticed everyone waving and gesticulating, as if trying to point something out to him. He gestured back at them, showing that he had no idea what they were trying to tell him, when a moment later time seemed to slow down around him and he was suddenly acutely aware of another presence close to him. Instinctively, he twisted his body into the opposite direction and leapt backwards as he watched a gigantic spiked mace crash into the spot he’d just occupied a second ago.

Ren landed on his feet gracefully and spun around to look at his assailant. It turned out that it wasn’t a mace at all, but instead the bony end of a colossal creature’s tail. How he could have failed to sense its presence earlier was beyond him, but for now he had other problems to solve first. Quite confident that this had been in fact what his friends had tried to point out to him, he chose to direct his focus entirely on the beast and devise a plan on how to defeat it.

As he circled it, he noted key elements of its arsenal; the large head with only four, yet troublingly sharp fangs, the spiked tentacles attached around its neck lashing out in each direction as if they had a life of their own, the rounded back covered in scales, the six legs each ending in sharp talons and of course the boney tail that twitched aggressively behind the creature’s massive form.

“Lovely,” Ren muttered to himself as he backed up a couple of steps to bring some distance between him and the thrashing tail. This soon proved to be a wise move when said tail shot out towards him, forcing him to leap out of harm’s way once again.

He reached behind his back and pulled the metal rod out of the makeshift sheath he had fashioned from an old belt. When the creature swung its massive tail at him again, Ren evaded it and dealt a hard blow to the softer part of the tail. The beast howled in response and shrunk back momentarily.

Ren used that moment to look over to his teammates who were watching him anxiously. When Ren directed his attention back to the beast, he noticed the little box with a button dangling from a chain around its neck. A passkey.

It didn’t take a genius like Hux to conclude that he most likely needed exactly that key to operate whatever contraption was meant to get his teammates over here. And something told him that he wasn’t meant to take this key from a living creature. Of course, trying to slay the beast with his bare hands, more or less, was possible but a nuisance he’d rather not attempt again. Last time when he’d encountered a similar problem in training, it had taken a lot of him to complete the task.

Lucky for him, he was in possession of a weapon far greater than any of the junk the orchestrators of this dungeon had left strewn around. Without feeling a twinge of guilt, Ren stretched out his hand and summoned the Force with everything he had, focusing it entirely on the beast’s throat. He felt it when the Force-stranglehold had the desired effect and a shock of surprise rippled through the creature.

It reared up on its hind legs and started clawing at its throat and Ren almost lost his grasp. He wasn’t going to be able to choke the creature to death that way, but with a bit of luck he’d be able to distract it enough to…

He used his other hand to call upon another source of the Force. It was incredibly exhausting, wielding both sources at the same time, and fine beads of transpiration appeared on his forehead. His arms started shaking and he gritted his teeth, bracing himself in his center as he’d learned.

Eventually, he’d managed to control both and he made a flicking motion with his other hand, snapping the cord that fastened the passkey around the beast’s neck. It dropped to the ground with a clatter.

The creature obviously had noticed this, as it intensified its struggle against his hold, now clawing at the passkey instead, as if to regain possession of it. Quickly, Ren called it to his hand and without a moment’s hesitation he pressed the button to operate whatever it was controlling.

Whirring sounds and the grating screech of metal slabs moving into place dominated the hollow space as he continued to hold the creature in check, not daring to the side to check if his roommates were able to cross the cleft now. He felt weakened with relief when he finally felt their presence at his side, as he’d come to realize that he’d used up all the strength he had left for now.

With a groan, Ren released the hold and fell to his knees, every muscle in his body aching as if he had physically restrained the beast. If his roommates had thought it strange to see him fight without actually using any weapons, they didn’t show it. Without missing a beat, they commenced their attack, slowly driving the beast back and away from Ren.

When Ren had finally gathered enough strength to lift his head and watch the battle, they’d already driven the beast to the edge of the chasm. Zevron wielded his two blades with a speed that made his hands look like a blur as he slashed at the taloned feet each time they tried to win back ground they had been forced to relinquish. Seg used a similar tactic with his small but sharp knife, mainly keeping the spiked tentacles in check.

It was Brent who eventually delivered the final blow with his blunt, yet comically gigantic axe, pushing the creature back far enough for it to finally lose its foothold and go over the edge with an angry howl, clawing futilely at the ground as it went down. Proud with himself, Brent turned around and grinned at Ren, lifting his axe in a triumphant gesture.

At that very moment, a tentacle wrapped itself around the handle of the axe, pulling at Brent who hadn’t been prepared for something like this in the slightest. He was brought off kilter and with a surprised yelp, he lost his footing as well and was jerked towards the chasm before he even had a chance to let go.

“Brent!” Ren shouted and was on his feet in an instant. He thrust out his hands and Force-grabbed his roommate as tightly as he could, yanking him away from chasm in a desperate motion. In his hurry he wasn’t able to gauge his use of the Force properly, and so he used way too much of it, causing Brent to be hurled through the air and landing hard on his back merely a couple of feet away from Ren with a loud oof.

For a moment, everyone was quiet, eerily still in the aftermath of their battle. Even the droid had stopped its beeping and wheeling and was zoomed in on him attentively. Only the quick puffs of their breaths filled the echoing void. Ren felt his heartbeat quicken even more when he fully realized how much he’d revealed. He couldn’t even begin to guess at the consequences.

Groaning, Brent rolled over to his stomach and pulled himself up, holding his shoulder as he did. Then he looked around them, equally puzzled how to proceed. Eventually, he said, “So, you’re a Force-user.”

It wasn’t posed as a question, so Ren didn’t reply, the panic constricting his throat. His Master hadn’t prepared him for a situation like this.

The silence stretched on and then Brent broke it by saying, “I once was so hungry that I ate the decoration at a banquet my mother was hosting which later turned out to be some strange kind of plasteel. I had to go to the medcenter.”

Ren stared at Brent as if he’d suddenly sprouted a second head. Before he could ask the other cadet whether the impact had shaken some connections loose, Seg blurted out, “I’m afraid of fish.”

Everyone exchanged odd looks, then Zevron gave a long-suffering sigh and said, “I collect dolls.” After a moment of silence he said, “Now that we’ve all shared our deepest, darkest secrets, can we please move on?”

For a moment, Ren couldn’t speak. His throat still felt so tight that it seemed impossible to squeeze a sound past it, but it wasn’t for panic now. He couldn’t even place a finger on why he felt that way, irrational as it was, but inexplicably he felt grateful and, yes, touched. He could only imagine what his Master would have to say about this. The thought sent a little shudder through him and he cleared his throat.

“Right,” he said and turned towards the opposite wall. “For reasons I… I’m sure you can guess by now, I’m certain the exit is beyond that wall. So all we need to do is find the door and hopefully figure out how to open it and then we’re out of here.”

“And then we’ll find out who put us into this situation in the first place,” Zevron said darkly.

“I just hope Kolt is okay,” Brent said softly and everyone nodded silently.

Having lost interest as soon as Kolt’s name had been dropped, Ren started searching the walls for anything that might look like a door. The panels had long stopped looking smooth. Instead they looked every bit the weathered and worn appearance of the sanitation and utility sections, far away from the spotless sheen of the main parts, of the Empire’s glory days. He was even more convinced now that they never were supposed to be here.

Eventually his team members joined him in his quest, and a couple of minutes later Seg shouted triumphantly, “I’ve got it!” They all gathered in front of the wall he was pointing at. “I remember this from my father’s station,” he said. “It’s one of those supply gates for the garbage compactors.” At their shocked expression, he added quickly, “Don’t worry! This obviously isn’t one. But they must have reused to door for some reason.”

He brushed his hands along the sides of the frame of a seemingly solid wall panel. “The idea was to give anyone trapped inside a means of escape, should something go wrong. Aha!” Seg pushed something and several rusty bolts groaned as they slid into place. Some rattling and whirring followed and the panel slid away, revealing a short corridor that led to the outside.

“You did it!” Brent exclaimed and slapped Seg on his shoulder. Even Ren felt a sense of enthusiasm at them having mastered this together, so he did the same with the Nautolan who first gave him a surprised, then genuine smile.

“Let’s leave and get to the bottom of this!” Ren said and led the way.

 

**************************************

 

It took them a moment to get themselves sorted out, since the exit turned out to be somewhere remote from where the exercise had taken place. It wasn’t very surprising, considering the semi-illegal state of this facility, but it still made Ren grit his teeth impatiently.

He’d done a fairly good job at keeping it together while he had to lead his team out of their predicament, but now he just wanted to get his hands on whoever was responsible for this and end them. With his secret being out now, he saw no sense in practicing moderation anymore and so he was planning on unleashing the full arsenal of his rage-fueled powers on the first person who crossed him. He secretly hoped that would be Botha.

Once they stepped into the arena where the practice session had taken place, Ren was surprised to see that their disappearance must have gone unnoticed. Or maybe it had been noticed, but now everyone was preoccupied with something else.

“What’s going on here?” Zevron muttered as he observed the commotion in front of them. “You think this is because of us?”

Ren shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m sensing… confusion, fear, and excitement?” He frowned.

“I’m getting the same,” Seg agreed as he joined them. “Whatever is going on here is worse than a handful of cadets going missing during an exercise.”

A junior cadet rushed past them and Brent stopped him with a hand on his sleeve. “Hey, can you tell us what’s going on here? Where is everyone and why is the exercise no longer in session?”

The junior stared at them as if they had gone mad. “What do you mean? The commandant has ordered everyone to retreat to their quarters until the situation is cleared up.”

“What situation?” Ren asked, an inexplicable feeling of dread settling in his stomach.

The junior’s eyes flashed with something like eagerness at being able to share this juicy piece of gossip with some seniors. He moved closer to them and said in a hushed voice, “Haven’t you heard? Someone was murdered here last night.”

Ren was too stunned to say anything, but Brent saved him by exclaiming, “What? Who?”

“They haven’t said yet, but it’s a cadet and the body was just recently discovered by the maintenance droids working in the garden. Must have been there all night. They’re looking into it now.”

“Garden…?” Ren said blankly.

“Yeah, apparently they found the body in the rose garden...”

Ren didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence. His body sprang into motion before he even had a chance to will it into doing anything else, taking him towards the rose garden in large strides. All the while his heart was hammering in his chest, threatening to break through the ribcage while his mind was racing it for which one of them was going to be the one to make his knees buckle first.

But somehow he managed to keep moving, following the path he knew so well.

 


End file.
